|Reviews for Another chance at love|
| Cpt.Fox chapter 10 . 10/22/2011
Just looked over the first two chapters, first time i've actually sat down long enough to read anything on the site. Just a few things things i'd like to say.
1. Your sentences seem to jump from subject to subject. Try using more commas or simply ending a sentence. Jumping around like that can cause confusion.
2. Your story seems to be written in paragraph form. While this is textbook style for some stories it is more commonly seen in school books or essays. Try chopping it down a bit more. For example; when you have Fox or Katt say something dont just add it onto the paragraph. Hit enter and put it underneath. Of course you dont have to do that every time, but it would really make it easier to read.
3. Enable Anonymous reviews. There are all kinds of people out there who read FF but dont create accounts, preferring to lurk instead. But i can guarantee that if you enabled anon reviews then you would get more feedback.
4. (and this is just my opinion) Get a beta reader. You may have Microsoft Word or Open Office and they may catch the spelling mistakes for you but its those run on sentences or fragments that can make a story confusing to some. A beta reader will really help you catch those badly worded sentences and can make your story all the better.
Anyways there's my review. I could have just said 'Great chapter, update soon' but i mean to really help you, not give you false criticism. You are a very good writer with a magnificent imagination. This story has an awesome plot and i enjoyed reading most of it. I only hope you heed my review and look into some of my suggestions. If not thats okay. This is your first story and mistakes will be made. If it were up to me i'd take down "Our Escape" fix it, and reupload it because of how grammitically flawed it was.
Like i said, great story and a great plot. You need to work on a few things but that doesnt mean you dont have the potential to become one of the greatest writers on this site. Just remember, if all the feedback you get is good then we, the readers, arent doing our jobs.
Sorry if i came off too strong, i only meant to help. Your story is very good and i hope that you continue writing.
| starfighter-105 chapter 9 . 9/28/2011
OUCH...I've been through some painful experiences in the army, but damn. Keep it up dude.
| starfighter-105 chapter 8 . 8/29/2011
I haven't heard Eiffel 65 in years. Keep it up dude.
| Phoenix Ray chapter 5 . 8/21/2011
The improvement here is obvious. Now you're getting the idea, write because you like it. Not for attention.
| Phoenix Ray chapter 3 . 8/21/2011
awww, no lemon? J/K
| Phoenix Ray chapter 1 . 8/21/2011
For some reason, Fox and Katt as a couple has never crossed my mind before. Huh. And dont worry about the whole "review ransom" thing. Everybody makes mistakes. :)
| starfighter-105 chapter 7 . 8/19/2011
I'm surprised, I thought the story was done. It's good to see you back in action. I look forward to the next chapter.
| DJatomica69 chapter 6 . 12/13/2010
Meh, I don't know why, but I like it... Have you considered getting a beta reader? Cuz you got some misktakes there that could have EASILY been avoided... If you do need a beta reader, feel free to pm me. I really like the idea that you're giving out. You can be a very good writer. But you know what they say, practice makes perfect. So, try to find some time to continue this story. I tell you, I have read ALOT of Star Fox fics, and this is not bad considering it's your first fic.
| StarscreamPrime chapter 6 . 11/8/2010
I like this story. Fox and Katt make a nice couple. Keep going.
| starfighter-105 chapter 6 . 10/14/2010
Good story, their aren't too many good original stories on this sight. Most of the them are typical cliche stories. But not this one, too bad its over.
| SkullFox chapter 1 . 10/11/2010
Unique little style, moving from one pov to the other, it can give you a bit more clarity on the specifics of characters' feelings but, I'm afraid I think you're skipping back and forth too much. On another note however, you metioned that Falco was with a Vixen near the beginning then an Avian near the end. LOL it happens. Also you seem to be writing this in first person, but, you keep slipping off to third person, I understand how that works it can be difficult writing a story in first person context when the story itself has nothing to do with you.
Other than that I like it, it's different, and not many people seem to go for the FoxXKatt thing so just keep it up and try to polish it up a bit...
The Footsteps in the Darkness
| ulyferal chapter 1 . 10/9/2010
It's really nice everyone is enjoying this story but only a handful gave you decent true criticism but not enough to help you improve. First person is very tough to write and not something you should have attempted since you haven't learned proper story format yet. You really need to go back and stay in third person before taking any of this further. Block style is a no-no in writing. Conversation is always separated out. There are writing how to's on Deviant Art or even You Tube that would have helped you. You have great ideas that need to be heard, you just lack skill in execution. Fix your problems now at the beginning of your writing career and you'll gradually write better and more fantastic stories to a bigger audience as you improve. That's how I started, especially listening to the criticism I got along the way. Good luck.
| itstheshit chapter 5 . 9/23/2010
Gittin better, Good work
| starfighter-105 chapter 5 . 9/21/2010
Still doing good. Keep it up.
| A Drunk Canadian chapter 5 . 9/20/2010
mmm... good chapter, just needs a little more detail on like body language or such. all in all its good tho