|Reviews for Another chance at love|
| Zythxx chapter 14 . 11/28/2015
So I just read your entire story. I will leave my review with some Constructive Criticism. Please do not view this as to harsh as most of the things I saw many people do and I did many of these things I did when I was starting out writing.
1. The story may have been clear in your mind, but it wasn't explained very well throughout the story. The only thing I really got from the story was Falco cheated on Katt, met a new love, ended up losing them both, Fox and Katt got together and then had some adult fun throughout the story until it's end. If that was what your story was trying to show, then that's good! If there was more however you should try and flush out more of what you want us to see. How are the characters reacting? Is there any amazing scenes that you want us to see? I feel as though there was more to show us but wasn't explained with enough detail to REALLY show us.
2. Spacing out your paragraphs is a huge help in organization, not just with showing the story but the process of reading the story as well. You should put paragraph breaks: Whenever a character speaks and another speaks, whenever you are finished with a paragraph, and when you are transitioning from a scene to a song, or a future/past scene, and so on. You had a few run-on sentences/paragraphs but thats normal. However you should space out your paragraphs especially when characters are speaking to transition the reading process more smoothly.
3. Remember to know the differences between 'They're, 'There' and 'Their'. 'Your' and 'You're', and 'Then' and 'Than'. Many people still don't know and do this on accident, I do this on accident all the times because it's so clear in your mind, however make sure to use the right word in the correct format and check for spacing/spelling errors. It all comes down to practice.
4. Using song lyrics in your story isn't a bad thing. However remember to find a fine balance between lyrics and actual story. Copy/Pasting an entire song's lyrics into your story isn't exactly writing, taking a few lyrics and then writing with them is more appealing as well as can make it more meaningful. Also try and pick songs, with all due respect, that are meaningful and can really flush out what the story and character is doing and feeling. A random song for fun doesn't help us see what is going on within the story.
5. I understand that you wanted to add Goku into the story, and although you didn't end up doing it. I would advise that you do not. Adding characters from different stories isn't necessarily a bad thing, however you should think of a few things before you implement them in. Is the character needed? What purpose does the character serve in this story? Are they doing anything important or are they just floating around? It's not a bad idea to do it, but it's bad to do it and not have a VERY good reason to do it.
6. All in all it wasn't bad for your first fic! If you keep at it, keep writing and practicing, you'll eventually get into a really good rhythm and produce great works of arts in stories! Take care and if you need any advice, I and I'm sure many other authors are willing to help you. Have a good one!
| Cpt.Fox chapter 10 . 10/22/2011
Just looked over the first two chapters, first time i've actually sat down long enough to read anything on the site. Just a few things things i'd like to say.
1. Your sentences seem to jump from subject to subject. Try using more commas or simply ending a sentence. Jumping around like that can cause confusion.
2. Your story seems to be written in paragraph form. While this is textbook style for some stories it is more commonly seen in school books or essays. Try chopping it down a bit more. For example; when you have Fox or Katt say something dont just add it onto the paragraph. Hit enter and put it underneath. Of course you dont have to do that every time, but it would really make it easier to read.
3. Enable Anonymous reviews. There are all kinds of people out there who read FF but dont create accounts, preferring to lurk instead. But i can guarantee that if you enabled anon reviews then you would get more feedback.
4. (and this is just my opinion) Get a beta reader. You may have Microsoft Word or Open Office and they may catch the spelling mistakes for you but its those run on sentences or fragments that can make a story confusing to some. A beta reader will really help you catch those badly worded sentences and can make your story all the better.
Anyways there's my review. I could have just said 'Great chapter, update soon' but i mean to really help you, not give you false criticism. You are a very good writer with a magnificent imagination. This story has an awesome plot and i enjoyed reading most of it. I only hope you heed my review and look into some of my suggestions. If not thats okay. This is your first story and mistakes will be made. If it were up to me i'd take down "Our Escape" fix it, and reupload it because of how grammitically flawed it was.
Like i said, great story and a great plot. You need to work on a few things but that doesnt mean you dont have the potential to become one of the greatest writers on this site. Just remember, if all the feedback you get is good then we, the readers, arent doing our jobs.
Sorry if i came off too strong, i only meant to help. Your story is very good and i hope that you continue writing.
| starfighter-105 chapter 9 . 9/28/2011
OUCH...I've been through some painful experiences in the army, but damn. Keep it up dude.
| starfighter-105 chapter 8 . 8/29/2011
I haven't heard Eiffel 65 in years. Keep it up dude.
| Phoenix Ray chapter 5 . 8/21/2011
The improvement here is obvious. Now you're getting the idea, write because you like it. Not for attention.
| Phoenix Ray chapter 3 . 8/21/2011
awww, no lemon? J/K
| Phoenix Ray chapter 1 . 8/21/2011
For some reason, Fox and Katt as a couple has never crossed my mind before. Huh. And dont worry about the whole "review ransom" thing. Everybody makes mistakes. :)
| starfighter-105 chapter 7 . 8/19/2011
I'm surprised, I thought the story was done. It's good to see you back in action. I look forward to the next chapter.
| DJatomica69 chapter 6 . 12/13/2010
Meh, I don't know why, but I like it... Have you considered getting a beta reader? Cuz you got some misktakes there that could have EASILY been avoided... If you do need a beta reader, feel free to pm me. I really like the idea that you're giving out. You can be a very good writer. But you know what they say, practice makes perfect. So, try to find some time to continue this story. I tell you, I have read ALOT of Star Fox fics, and this is not bad considering it's your first fic.
| StarscreamPrime chapter 6 . 11/8/2010
I like this story. Fox and Katt make a nice couple. Keep going.
| starfighter-105 chapter 6 . 10/14/2010
Good story, their aren't too many good original stories on this sight. Most of the them are typical cliche stories. But not this one, too bad its over.
| SkullFox chapter 1 . 10/11/2010
Unique little style, moving from one pov to the other, it can give you a bit more clarity on the specifics of characters' feelings but, I'm afraid I think you're skipping back and forth too much. On another note however, you metioned that Falco was with a Vixen near the beginning then an Avian near the end. LOL it happens. Also you seem to be writing this in first person, but, you keep slipping off to third person, I understand how that works it can be difficult writing a story in first person context when the story itself has nothing to do with you.
Other than that I like it, it's different, and not many people seem to go for the FoxXKatt thing so just keep it up and try to polish it up a bit...
The Footsteps in the Darkness
| ulyferal chapter 1 . 10/9/2010
It's really nice everyone is enjoying this story but only a handful gave you decent true criticism but not enough to help you improve. First person is very tough to write and not something you should have attempted since you haven't learned proper story format yet. You really need to go back and stay in third person before taking any of this further. Block style is a no-no in writing. Conversation is always separated out. There are writing how to's on Deviant Art or even You Tube that would have helped you. You have great ideas that need to be heard, you just lack skill in execution. Fix your problems now at the beginning of your writing career and you'll gradually write better and more fantastic stories to a bigger audience as you improve. That's how I started, especially listening to the criticism I got along the way. Good luck.
| itstheshit chapter 5 . 9/23/2010
Gittin better, Good work
| starfighter-105 chapter 5 . 9/21/2010
Still doing good. Keep it up.