|Reviews for Fealty|
| Sailor Pandabear chapter 1 . 12/29/2010
| DezoPenguin chapter 1 . 8/22/2010
Accursed canon, messing up perfectly good story ideas (two places in total: Zaffy's shapeshifting not being locked, and also Hayate having been an investigator well prior to age 15 as shown in the initial chapters of the StrikerS manga...the ones, in fact, which you refer to in justifying your use of Gadget Drones at this place in the timeline)!
That out of the way, I liked this fic considerably. For one thing, it centers on Hayate, and more importantly it features her not as the command officer we see in StrikerS or Force, but as the Ace of the Ground Forces that we...well, honestly, that we never get to see, just get told about. So that's a huge plus right from the beginning. For a second thing, it's a Zafira fic, and Zaffy is always someone we need to see more of.
That being said, Hayate's decision to send Rein Zwei with Signum, Vita, and Shamal was a bad one in that Rein *helps* Signum or Vita in battle, but she covers for significant weaknesses in Hayate's skill package. I like how you spotlight this in a couple of places, with the Hraesvelgr targeting issue as well as Hayate's general fumbling to get a spell off to react quickly; she always seemed very much like a character in a real-time video game whose skill list was too long and so by the time the player can shuffle through the menu to get what they want the window of opportunity to use it has passed. I mention this largely because the problems that arise later are pretty much rooted in the main character making a poor initial set-up decision, which is sometimes an issue.
However, I'm not going to say that it's OOC for Hayate to make that bad decision; we know how much she loves her family, and would be more inclined to worry about the ones who are out of her sight, in the style of any parent. And from a military-command force deployment perspective, well...this story is set several years *before* StrikerS, when Hayate is even less experienced, and we both know how many hundreds of posts have been spent arguing at AS as to whether Hayate is anything resembling a competent tactician even then!
The fight scenes were excellent and dramatic generally, and I like the addition of the Relics (both because of the "stacking" effect which gives some justification for the Hound's strength so you don't have to *create* an all-new, "bigger and badder than the last one" type of threat, and because it also gives a direct reason to have Gadget Drones on hand to confuse matters further. The down side there is that it seems a bit "forced" to give Hayate that kind of personal motive for tackling the Relic case and founding RF6, etc., etc., since there was really no sign of it in StrikerS plus she was given the more generalized motive in investigating and heading off Carim's prophecy.
Zafira's injury was nicely staged, because it came right after Gareau's death, so it generated the feeling of "oh, so the NPC whose purpose was to be killed has now been killed, so we the canon cast can be inspired to put their feelings into-wait, what the hell was that!" Genuine surprise is rare in these things, so that worked well!
As for the ending scenes, there's really not much to say. They were generally awesome in both concept and execution, providing emotional impact and, because of your clever attention to what you were explaining, allowing for a genuine sense of loss and permanent consequence without having to (apparently) disturb canon. You even get bonus points for having a genuinely apropos title, with regard to the two-way bond of loyalty and duty that is *supposed* to bind liege and vassal in the feudal system.
(Okay, now you need to do a follow-up fic where Hayate figures out how to restore Zaffy's full functionality so that by the time his next canon appearance comes around he's able to fulfill that role, while still maintaining this story!)
| GeshronTyler chapter 1 . 8/22/2010
A good story, and neat way to explain something that hadn't even occured to me before you pointed it out. I find the relationship between Hayate and the WR to be quite interesting.
Thanks, read you next time.
| tacohead chapter 1 . 8/20/2010
I liked this alot. It's nice to see Zafira getting some attention, he's pretty awesome (as are all of the Wolkenritter, and Hayate).
| Person With Many Aliases chapter 1 . 8/19/2010
Pretty gripping stuff. Not like the fluff we get near all the time. Thanks for putting up a story that makes you actually care and worry. Interesting idea for Zafira, would explain things, at least.
| hignum chapter 1 . 8/18/2010
very touching.. ure a pretty good writer.