|Reviews for Children Of The Moon chapter 1:the beginning|
| Weeping Angel Of Fear chapter 1 . 2/5/2011
please continue it!
| Wraith Fan chapter 1 . 9/11/2010
Hi :-D I see you've added something to what you sent me so I've just read that last part and corrected the mistakes ;-) Here's the correction:
Either that or I'm getting too old for this, he thought. But with a laugh he rejected that thought and then the wolf was gone!
'No way!', he shouted. His scent, his track, everything was gone. In all his career he'd never missed a prey and now only at the end of the hunt he’d lost his prey. 'Incredible', he muttered. This wasn't normal and how the hell was he going to explain this to his king!
When Gabriel finally awoke fully, he realised he was still in the cave were he had been hiding from the hunter. He was very lucky and he realized that. ‘What do I have to do now?’, he wondered. He knew he had to go to the Dark Shade... He knew where The Dark Shade was, but still it was a dangerous journey. He had to pass through extremely dark land, the land of the hunters.
‘Well, to the Shade it is then’, he said with a sigh. And then with a blur he began to change into his wolf form. His perfect creature, as he liked to call it. And when he changed, his whole world changed with him. Everything began to sharpen, every sent, every glance. Even after a year it was still amazing to change, he could feel the power and speed build up in his legs, he could see every creature from the squirrel in that tree to the ant farm a 100 yards away. It’s just amazing, he thought but he had no time for this and then he began to run.
Normally, with this speed the forest around him turned into a blur. But not in this form, he thought happily. The still remembered the first time he’d changed, it was on his 16th birthday, at first he couldn’t believe what his father had said.
‘It cannot be father! The wolves are not here anymore..’
‘Yes, it can be, Gabriel. We are the last family in this part of the Island.’
‘But how is that possible? I thought that the wolves, ergh... we were expelled from this side of the Island!’
‘Yes, we were except for our family, and now we’re going to change...’
My father was a hard man when it came to training our skills. But soon it became clear that I had a talent for speed, even my father who was one of the oldest wolves, couldn't catch me!
My father was proud of me because I was serious while practising. But still, it didn’t matter anymore now... his father and mother were dead and he couldn't do anything about it.
He stopped when it was dark and climbed on a cliff. He had a beautiful view of the surroundings from up there. It was a nice place to rest and he could see no harm in making a fire. He’d gotten pretty far, he couldn’t even see his village anymore.
It was a relief to see the flames and feel the warmth of the fire, he had caught some nice fish in a river a mile up north and he began to clean them. When he was finally done with this disgusting job, he baked them and ate them quickly.
He couldn't stand sitting still, He missed his parents so much. He turned his head to the full moon and he felt encouraged in the thought that his parents were with the Great God Tooran and finally he fell asleep. He had a bad dream, and everytime he woke and fell asleep again he saw the same dream.
He saw a black figure standing in front of flames and realized with a flash that it was his home. The figure watched and began to laugh... It was the most evil laugh he had ever heard, it even gave him goosebumps. He felt the anger grow inside of him and with a growl he shouted at the figure:
‘Why?’, he shouted.
The person laughed at Gabriel’s attempt to attack him and bounced away.
‘How dare you, you DEMON! I will tear you to pieces!’, Gabriel shouted again.
He laughed and returned the attack with incredible force. Even Gabriel himself could not resist. And in that moment he knew he was the most stupid wolf mankind had ever seen! His own father perished so what could a 1 year old wolf do... ? He was only seventeen. And in flash he lay down with a knife on his throat.
‘NO!’, he yelled and then he woke up. And only moments later he felt the tears flow.
His own father had sacrificed his life to protect him and he just threw it away. ‘No’, he said, ‘first I’m going to the Dark Shade and learn to fight and then, when I'm ready, I’ll have my revenge!
Just copy and paste this into the document via Document Manager and then replace the first chapter by the updated document from your Document Manager. It should work that way :-)
Oh, would you mind mentioning I'm your betareader? I see you don't have author's notes so just add it as a note at the end of the first chapter, also via Document Manager. Thnx!:-D
Greetz: Wraith Fan -xXx-