Reviews for Horizon
Made Nightwing chapter 4 . 3/22/2011
Another terrific chapter mate. You make it hard to measure up to the level of detail you put into the Mass Effect military.
FireAndBubbles chapter 3 . 10/11/2010
I liked this chapter, especially Jack. I like how you wrote her thinking as very disorganized, someone who was definitely unbalanced. I liked how she considered herself crazy not for that, but for the few actions she took that most people would consider sane.

If I had one criticism, it would be that perhaps the chapter could be split up some. It was interesting, but going through so many different perspectives at one go was a little overwhelming. Still, I have no useful advice as to how it would be divided, except that perhaps the thing with Oriana didn't seem to fit with the rest. I wouldn't want to miss out on it, though, since EDI figured prominently and I love it when people do her justice like you did.

I really respect your descriptions of technology and so forth. It all reads like it's perfectly plausible. I also like how there's a bit more of a military feel to your story than I usually see in the ME section. It's refreshing to read a story with a different tone.

I'm looking forward to your next chapter.
Kudara chapter 2 . 8/27/2010
Nice, I like that in this one Kaidan actually is able to do something instead of simply being a brief cutscene.
Inverness chapter 2 . 8/26/2010
Great story and chapter, looking forward to the next.

I also don't understand your problem with TIM being tipped off by Horizon's comm system's going silent. The collectors obviously jam transmissions on arrival, so if Cerberus was monitoring the planet from space, they would know if communication suddenly went silent. I thought it was already established that TIM used Kaidan/Ashley as bait for the collectors.
FireAndBubbles chapter 2 . 8/26/2010
Action packed, which is fun to read. I like how you described the action. You said in your notes on the last chapter you were working on making your characters sound different. I think you did a pretty good job, especially as the chapter got rolling. I agree with you about it being lame that Kaidan didn't use his biotics on Horizon, at least throwing up a barrier or something when he got swarmed by creepy stinging bugs.

Looking forward to what comes next.