|Reviews for A Spark Among The Ashes|
| sherryola chapter 1 . 1/15/2011
This is a very nice take on Esme and how things could have gone for her. Very sensitively done.
| BellaScotia chapter 1 . 1/15/2011
Wow! Let me start by saying I LOVED THIS!
It was so heart wrenching. You really wrote Esme so well, her good heart and need to love and be loved come through loud and clear in this. Also the strength in which she carried on after her baby's father left her (his name was Jason I think?)was very well described.
It was your descriptions of how she coped with the still birth that really tugged at my heart. I have experience of this myself... although I'm lucky that it wasn't me personally, but you really broke my heart. The line where she says she looks at the baby and just wishes he would take a breath is the one where the dam broke. I started to cry right there. Also when she dispaired at him being left alone at the morgue.. Oh God, I'm going to start again.
You didn't write any of this in a salacious way... deliberately trying to tug at our hearts. No the writing is very true and heartfelt without being overly done. The subject matter speaks for itself but you wrote it with such compassion and it was the fact that you paid attention to the details that you did that made it so sad. Small things like how his fingers looked and how Esme imagined it would feel rocking him after nursing him *sob*.
The overwhelming sorrow and regret and helplessness of Esme was leaping off the page (screen) at me.
Then it switched again and and you had me almost feeling like Esme was doing the right thing by giving up. It was the way you described how at peace she felt with the thought of what she was about to do and how she couldn't cope with the crushing pain of being left all alone with no one to turn to, that made me think.. God if this is the only way you can have peace do it. She deserved some peace and I felt so in her head I was beginning to understand why death seemed like a good idea to her.
So now you've scared me too... lol. You've scared me by showing me dispair so real that I can just about understand why a young woman would want to throw herself off a cliff.
Amazing writing. I'm putting you on alert because I definitely want to read more from you.
Okay, so I'm off to blow my nose.
Thanks so much for sharing.
| mmwa chapter 1 . 1/5/2011
I promised I’ll get there! :-) It is fortunate having a long way home from a business meeting so much time for reading! :-)
I sincerely hope I won’t scare you like Dooba or I won’t live to see the next day on twitter… So I guess I’ll try my best not to get carried away again… It is a challenge for me thought…
However, as quickly and easy my thoughts come to me when reading stories, this time was different. Not because your story wasn’t good or different than I expected (you’ve warned me) but because it was incredible intense and it made my feel lost for words. Knowing that this is not a complete fictional story, being aware of that fact that this can (or is) easily be a realistic event made me feel empty, alone, heartbroken. I was left wondering about so many things at the same time that I didn’t know where or how to start my review – how do you do something like that? What to you say or write?
First of all I decided I wanted to praise your writing. To choose a topic or a story idea is one thing but to have the quality to put your ideas in words and down on paper is a completely different task and I wanted to tell you how amazing I think you’ve handled this story also in a literary way. Your use of the language is brilliant and I think you can be proud of yourself for the way you wrote (what I assume) to be your first – but hopefully not last – story.
The beginning with Esme standing at the cliff and thinking about her past was capturing. Not because I was scared she would jump but because I got to meat her mother. A wonderful, loving and hardworking woman who absolutely adored her daughter. It was not hard to picture her – as kind as Esme is today, as devoted to her family.
I liked the way you told the story of Esme and Jason. Without spending too much time on this romance you gave me everything I needed to be able to follow Esme through her time there. This story was for me about Esme and her feelings not about Jasen. He may have been a bad guy but he gave Esme her boy – even if it was a really short joy. He didn’t play a important role anymore in her life – there were more important things, people she loved and missed.
The way you described the feelings when Esme felt her baby move, her love, her proud for her unborn child was overwhelming. I can’t and I probably never want to be able to understand what a feeling it hast do be when you realise something is wrong. I’m absolutely sure a mother can feel that, she may not be able to put her finger on what is wrong specifically but I am absolutely certain a mother realises when something is off. The way you described Emse not feeling her boy anymore was heartbreaking. The need to hold on even when you have the certainty later that there is nothing you can do anymore is intense – the way you described her despair was absolutely brilliant (if this word is even appropriate).
I like to picture a modern Esme in your story. The way she loved her family, the way she missed them and the strength she had when meeting Carlisle without knowing what was coming. I like to think it may be the modern fairytale or turning point. Knowing that this is part of a real story, of your real story, lets me hope that you’ve found your modern Carlisle as well. Not in form of a Vampire but in a loving, adoring husband who makes you happy.
I’m fascinated that you hade the courage to write a story like this down, to let us be part of something like that. I think it is always difficult to write about such things, mainly because it is hard for us to grasp them.
Thank you very much for sharing this story!
love and hugs
| Dooba chapter 1 . 12/28/2010
Hi lovely :)
So I read your O/S yesterday night and only today did I find the disclaimer of sorts you put in your profile.
Let me just say first that I loved the story. You wrote the emotions so well you had me tearing up and only just now did I see just how much of this story comes from your own experience. Well, I had a lump in my throat when I read this and you write the emotions very, very well. You can tell it's genuine, and as such it's heart breaking to behold.
Regarding the quality of your writing I really see no reason at all why your story wouldn't be liked. To write the sense of loss like you did means something to me. I am sorry for you now I know this essentially is partly your story. But the quality of your writing is stunning indeed.
Ah I really don't know how to write proper feedback :D The story is lovely, it really is, if you can use such a word for that.
In terms of getting more reviews... Like I said, I didn't read the disclaimer before I read the story and as such aspects of it were confusing to me. I thought you wrote a canon Esme-story so when modern treatments were mentioned I thought, (sorry), either you doesn't know this didn't exist or she should have told me it wasn't really canon. If you were to put the disclaimer at the beginning of your chapter instead of in your profile, then people will know it's a little OOC/ non-canon. They will be forewarned and won't be confused when they read. :)
You told me you had 10 reviews before the story was deleted. (Why was it deleted?) Ten reviews for a O/S is a lot! Especially when it is your only story. I really think so. My O/S got 4 reviews and only got more when I started to post other stories and I recognized the reviewing readers by their pen names. In my experience, stories just have to be noticed. They get noticed when you update regularly, or when it is recc'd or pushed and spread around in this wonderful world called Twitter or Fanficdom.
Like I said, I really believe that the quality of this story is excellent. You just have to be found :)
| TeamCullen.Carlme chapter 1 . 9/11/2010
It may not have followed her story, but it was still fantastic! I mean it was sad, of course, but... oh you know what I mean! Anyways great job!
| beegurl13 chapter 1 . 8/30/2010
I love this story. :) I’m so proud of you for working so hard on it and I love that you wrote it. Thanks for letting me help with it, I loved doing that. :) Keep writing! I want to read more from you! :D