|Reviews for Cold Heart|
| Spiritual Stone chapter 1 . 9/8/2010
Hello! I hadn't realised you'd written another LOZ fic so yeah, reading it now. ;)
I commend you for your descriptions. they're beautiful, but there's a few things that kinda destroys them.
Um, for exmple, the first paragraph. The one long sentence, you know, the one that describes Link? After a while it ends up sounding like a shopping list, so when you write stuff again you should break it up. The descriptions themselves are fine, it's the way you do it, you know?
Oh, and kudos for the soul calibre references, but for people like me who have no idea what it is, you might want to either avoid mentioning it at all, or try to make it so ambiguous that people wouldn't mind what it is, as long as it's like a hint to Link's past.
...That explanation made no sense. Sorry. D:
Um, ninjas. Sudden appearence of ninjas. Odd, though acceptable, considering that it's japan.
Taki. Try to avoid telling us straight out who they are, you know? I think it'd be more exciting if we sort of worked it out first, like a mystery. Let her introduce herself after Link saves her, maybe.
Lol. If he doesn't care for such things why do you list out how old she is? The detail is pretty meticulous for a guy who doesn't care. XD
Constant reference to soul calibre bordering on confusing.
Okay, I've been reviewing this as I read it, and after a while I enede up skim-reading the rest. This is because of the fact that... the first half of the story was extremely long and Veran hadn't come up in ages.
Your descriptions are lovely but you have to be careful about your plot. Veran didn't appear in the first half, for whicha after a while I got slightly anoyed at, sorry. I couldn't understand the point of having the ninja and the Ivy girl at first, aside from maybe displaying iink's powers, which is fine, but you might want to do that with people more relevant to the story (Veran).
Uuuum, yeah, that's about it for me. I would write more helpful advice but the review things is going whack on me so I'll cut it off here.
Sorry for the reidculously long review,
Good luck with your other stories.
(I liked the Impa one better :) )
| OneWingedHeron53 chapter 1 . 8/20/2010
This was interesting...
I don't know who Veran is, but I haven't played The Oracle games, -was poor at the time- But maybe, I'll just go ahead and order them and a game boy color or advance to play it...unless it's in Wii Shop