|Reviews for Eternal Legends: Konoha's Transcendent Ninja|
| marquis.shax chapter 2 . 4/12
ok i'm completely confused by something in this chapter. you said that Naruto won't start the academy for six months so how does he know Iruka if he's not in the academy and what reason would Iruka have had to grow close to Naruto over the years? It really makes no sense that you'd say something like that when Naruto in canon doesn't meet Iruka till he goes to the academy and Iruka is assigned as his teacher
| Joebob the Fifth chapter 2 . 3/11
Sooo... I like this well enough, your note at the start of the first chapter intrigued me. However, there are some things bothering me. First, I absolutely hate when writers translate names and use them as synonyms. My name means victory and I have never once been called that, it's unrealistic and awkward. It's fine as a writer to use pronouns and names abundantly. Those don't fall under the once per page rule. They are basically invisible to the reader, but coming up with replacements is not invisible. It distracts the reader from the story. Next, please just say pink. I don't know what cerine is and it shouldn't matter. You don't refer to anyone else by their hair color, why does Sakura need to be defined by it? Third, I'm not trying to flame. I genuinely like this story, but am simply awful at communicating, so I apologize if my constructive criticism sounds mean. It isn't intended that way. Let's see... I like your method changing things up a bit and look forward to reading more, especially the strong friendship team seven was always meant to have. .. You do need to give the readers a bit more background though. It feels a bit disjointed, like we're missing several pieces. It's fine to not overload us with straight info, but for mysterious things, just drop one or two at a time or the confusion caused will again detract from the actual story. For instance, in only two chapters we have the mysteries of: why are the Uchiha alive, Danzo rejected Naruto for weaponization, Naruto's stupidity seal, how does Iruka know Naruto pre-academy, what's going on in Kumo, whatever info Sarutobi and Danzo were talking about, whatever secret Leader was talking about, the random summons thing, why Kyuubi could talk to Naruto, and more. It's best to slowly add in mysteries rather than drop a couple lines of hints for several different unknowns simultaneously. Keep all of it, I'm just suggesting you spread it out. Did we have to see Danzo and Sarutobi talking this chapter? Or the Akatsuki being active super early? Just focus on developing the trio, their histories and budding friendship for a few chapters. Let us get used to a few changes at a time. You already have so much going on with Naruto's intelligence, Sasuke's and Sakura's less than pleasant home lives, the trio meeting and training early, Naruto interacting with the kyuubi, the seal and the summons. Let the rest build out of your foundations or the whole thing may collapse under the weight of all the ideas. Personally, I'm most excited about seeing Sakura removed from her current home situation, and maybe some t&i private time for her not-parent. Anyway, on to the next chapter! And I hope this was helpful and didn't hurt any feelings or anything. I really am enjoying reading this.
| Kyle37 chapter 14 . 3/2
Such an awesome story so far. I really cant wait to see where to you take this. Keep up the great work
| Someguy-youknow chapter 4 . 2/28
You try way to hard to make each one sound smarter than a 9 year old it's just not realistic and honestly your over playing the whole they think alike all the time it just gets annoying.
| RedsnowofKyuubi chapter 1 . 2/28
love it so far
| Someguy-youknow chapter 2 . 2/28
Why do you use the same phrases over and over mix it up,and something's you write don't got together when you said Eliminate the raikage permanently how to you do that it's not like they can get killed then not be dead.
| AlucardvonDracula chapter 9 . 2/14
REALY YOU THINK SO HIGHLY OF THIS OVERLY LONG DRAWN OUT STORY IS BETTER THAN 95% OF STORIES ON FANFIC THATS JUST ASSANINE AND FUCKING INSULTING. Let me tell you I READ THE HOLE FUCKING STORY TO THIS POINT AND ONISTLY THE FACT IS I CAN UNDER STAND WHY THEY SKIPPED THE KUMO STUFF LAST CHAP WE ALL READY NEW 1. WHO WAS REALY IN CHARGE. 2. WHAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN.3. THAT READING ALL OF IT WAS A FUCK BORE. NOW THAT BEING SAID GET OF YOUR HI HOURSE AND HAVE SOME HUMILITY . FOR CC GET TO THE POINT AND MOVE THIs slow ass story along or youll lose readers try to draw people in more and stay on point and make the readers come to their own conclusions dont try to explain every thing. this story has potensal but its hard to stay ingaged for long. KEEP WRIGHTING AND INPROVING BUT ALSO KEEP IN MINED THERE IS A REASON PEOPLE TELL YOU THINGS READ BETWEEN THE LINES AND LOOK UNDERNEITH THE UNDERNEITH AND USE WHAT YOU FINED TO IMPROVE YOUR SELF AND YOUR WRIGHTING.
| Demon Lord Cashmere Snow chapter 1 . 2/6
The meeting, conversations and befriending sounded really awkward. Maybe flesh it out more?
| deadsoldier117 chapter 8 . 2/5
haha i enjoyed the play on sovereigns words from mass effect
keep up the good work :)
| twolfe81 chapter 16 . 1/29
Akashi, I was as disgusted as you at the ending for the manga...but please don't let that deter you! I find this series and many others live and breathe as much as or even more through some of the fan fiction than the original series that gives them a foundation, and some of the authors including yourself are even better than some published authors out there! I just discovered this story, and was so riveted that I sincerely hope you do continue unlike some other o'so good stories that never get finished and leaving us all mournful and never knowing for sure where they could have carried us.
| Guest chapter 16 . 1/26
Glad to know that it isn't dead!
| Professor Mist chapter 2 . 1/26
Hey, I just found your story, and it looks really interesting. Something I'd like to point out is the way you casually throw out swear words from an eight year old's mouth. You're portraying Sasuke, Naruto, and Sakura to be older than what they are said to be. Just a little inconsistency that I noticed and thought I should mention.
| HaruXKyouyaLaxusXLucy4EVER chapter 11 . 1/25
Does naruto and Sakura like Sakura? No offense but that sounds WRONG. And so it's AisuxMikoto?
| Cryptorex chapter 1 . 1/13
I will write some criticism. Your writing suffers from assuming the reader is too too foolish. While I do not have much of a problem to be considered foolish, you give up a certain realism and also good theatrical effectsto dumb it down. It is quite common throughout the chapter. For examole
Sakura ran from... Repeat. Here consider a position as sakura's she will not be capable to a complete cognitive thought, not even to ask what from to herself. She would simply wanna get away... Get my drift?
Another example would be sasuke' s exclamation of never catching up to itachi. He would probably play the pronoun game as he is alone and that is a self exclamation.
Both cases you dumbed it down for an audience giving up.. Something.
The story is lAden with such work it was just around these sentences I decided to review. I can eve forget the CCS ex machina or convienice of stuff it builds up nicely later but the writing tends to loose intrigue and hence interest
| alexthom1 chapter 15 . 1/12
When the next chapter? Don't leave this hanging