|Reviews for Eternal Legends: Konoha's Transcendent Ninja|
| leafstone chapter 15 . 3/7
| Kicknessell chapter 15 . 2/2
You fuckin bastard!leaving me on a cliffhanger like that! :O great story though,keep up the good work,and if you need a beta pm me and ill give you my email address.;-)
| Nargus chapter 9 . 2/1
You should've marked this story as a cross over...if what I read of that last sentences is what I think it is.
| Jezzika of Medius chapter 8 . 1/23
This is a good story. Unfortunately, the story is so good that the political dirt really gets to me. I'm sad that I can't keep reading this 'cause it causes my heart to ache and that I can't stomach it. However, it means your skills in writing is very good. So please don't take this review badly, it is actually a compliment. Continue to write well to the best of you abilities.
| Duncan0Idaho chapter 2 . 1/15
"Hiruzen smiled. He'd asked the million-ryou question. Someone was bound to get paid. "It means Iruka, that the Academy is about to become a hell of a lot more interesting. Something tells me these three will go on to become legends."
The younger ninja blinked at the man. "Legends? How do you figure that?" Surely, he must've had some logical reason to make a proclaimed statement like that.
"Iruka, do you not remember who I trained and who trained me?" Hiruzen asked semi-rhetorically."
NO NO NO, this screams bad writing right here, you do not make a character say that, you could say they have potential, or that they are interesting, but what you did is starting to make the trio be borderline Gary Stus or Mary Sues
| Duncan0Idaho chapter 1 . 1/15
... Not the best introduction chapter i have ever read, tbh this feels a bit deus ex Machina, work some kinks, foreshadow the seal, do not make it appear out of the left field.
| glennclp chapter 12 . 1/14
This story is incredible, it has a well thought out plot with even better characters and a nice flowing rhythm to it, Unfortunately I don't have the time to read it all the way through which is a shame because I believe this story can be truly great. I'll probably restart this fic when I have more time on my hands and can truly enjoy it in it's entirety.
The only thing I dislike about this is the alchemists part, mostly due to personal preference but I image I'll get over it in future. Great work and good luck in future.
| Illuviar chapter 8 . 12/26/2013
Great chapter! Well done!
| USAVet chapter 15 . 12/5/2013
I don't remember if I ever posted a review on this one before, but to be honest this has got to be one of the best fan fics that I've ever read. You give a depth of detail that far too many don't, and you make it hard to walk away. There are few if any errors that I can immediately recall and the overall structure and flow is excellent. I'm looking forward to more when you can post.
| MastaChief007 chapter 15 . 12/5/2013
I've finally got caught up with the story. If I had been reading this as it was coming out trust me I would've reviewed every chapter. I love this story, it's one of my favorites on the site. Like some others said it might focus a little bit much on kumo but it's well worth reading through the parts not focused on team 7. Hope you update soon
| Blitzshine chapter 8 . 11/20/2013
"Don't flatter yourself, you were never even a player" I see Hideyoshi learned from Azula...
I've been reading for a while and I think it's good. I mean, I don't really like the parts about kumogakure, but that's because it's mostly about politics, and I hate politics... but I really like the parts with Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura. I'd been looking for a story like this one.
Anyway, it's good so far. I'll keep reading.
| AceMaximum chapter 9 . 11/8/2013
The beginning of the chapter is such a total copy of bleach from Aizen Sousuke... Is that who Aisu is based from?
| General Hawk chapter 15 . 11/6/2013
This story is absolutely awesome, the plot, the characters, it just gets me giddy thinking about it. For me personally I like stories where when I read them, it feels like a movie is playing out in front of me where I can see everything happening, and this story is totally like that. When I read this story I can just visualize everything that is happening. Please keep up the excellent work sir, I honestly think this story should be in the top ten best stories on this website(Naruto Section), I look forward to see what happens after this infuriating cliffhanger :)
| Walk The Max Planck chapter 5 . 10/31/2013
Overall, the personalities of Omoi, Samui, and Karui are different from canon as well as once again seeming too similar to each other, not having enough variety in the way they talk or act.
Omoi is cautious, pessimistic, level-headed, thinks things through, and tends to exaggerate minor things, making him a classic over-worrier, but you haven't shown anything like that, and in fact have reversed much of it with this sentence: "Samui, please…come on…what do we have to lose?" That shows him being almost the opposite of cautious, pessimistic, and exaggerating his worries.
From the Naruto Wiki: "Karui is also quite outspoken, stubborn, irritable and impulsive, allowing her emotions to come out...". She's a typical hot-head and is also prone to violent outbursts. She also has a comedic negative, and sometimes violent, relationship with Omoi. You haven't displayed any of this.
From the Naruto Wiki, "As opposed to her two talkative team-mates and hot-headed brother, Samui is mature, calm, and generally silent, only speaking when needed." From the little we saw, you seem to have gotten this one fairly accurate.
Now, if you mean for their personalities to be different, then that's completely fine. I thought that I should point it out in case you didn't mean to do this, given the problems I've seen that you have with the lack of diversity in the personalities and speech patterns of characters.
Other than that, it will be interesting to see you covering the development of those three on top of team 7. Very few stories give them any more than a small, brief appearance, if any, let alone more than a very minor, bordering on insignificant, role.
"These four individuals never knew the ripples of their gathering would cause in the tide of the delicate balance." This sentence is completely unnecessary; it is obvious that the scene will have important ramifications in the future otherwise you wouldn't have included it. It's also incredibly cliche and just dumb. There should be no "of" in "the ripples of their gathering would cause"; the "of" doesn't make any sense, and just confuses the meaning of the sentence. I've noticed that adding an extra unnecessary "of" is something that you do a lot; it's incorrect grammar often makes the sentence confusing. What does "tide of the delicate balance" even mean? Just "delicate balance of the world" would have made sense, as would "tides of time", but "tides of the delicate balance" is like you're mixing two different sayings together in a way that doesn't make sense.
I like the way you're doing the training for Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura, as well as the continuing development of their relationship. However, I still think the way they act and speak is too similar to each other, as well as too mature for their age. I like Mikoto's involvement in the story thus far, and the little scene between Mikoto and Fugaku was interesting, and; I like the way you're going further in depth with the way that both of them think, especially Fugaku's thinking about the planned coup. I wonder if you're going to make Itachi and his role different in this story, so that's definitely something I'll look out for.
I continue to like the way you're handling ROOT and Danzo. It is far more interesting and plausible than the "Dazno is an evil power hungry bastard" route. Same goes for the plots and goings on in Kumo.
Overall, I think that you're good at coming up with interesting, detailed plots, and you're also good with making sure to include the development of relationships and important parts of the plot, rather than skip over it as so many authors do. You're also good at describing things and going into detail about various different things, from how something or someone looks, to politics and implications of certain actions.
The things which you could improve upon are diversifying the personalities, speech patterns, and actions and reactions among different characters, so that they don't all seem the same. Your grammar is mostly good, but also needs improving; specifically your tendency to add unnecessary words and, less commonly, to leave out important words. Lastly, your use of commas needs to be refined, as you tend to use them when completely unnecessary in a way that often just fragments the sentence and slightly confuses the meaning.
I think those last two paragraphs are a good summary of the strong and weak points of your writing, based on what I have seen thus far.
Walk The Max Planck
| Walk The Max Planck chapter 3 . 10/31/2013
Why did you decide to make Kumo so enormous? Speaking of which, is that just geographical size, or also population? If it includes population then that _really_ doesn't make sense, because according to canon Konoha has the largest population of any of the great five villages. The second fanbook gives the following stats for the five great villages (likely post time-skip stats given when it was published):
KonohaPopulation 5, Military Strength 3, Economic Strength 2
KumoPopulation 3, Military Strength 4, Economic Strength 5
SunaPopulation 2, Military Strength 2, Economic Strength 2
IwaPopulation 4, Military Strength 4, Economic Strength 2
KiriPopulation 2, Military Strength 3, Economic Strength 2
And, just to be clear, I would appreciate it if you responded to my above questions.
I find the way that you're doing the politics of Kumo to be quite interesting. I also like the way you're doing things with ROOT and Danzo.
I like the way that you're developing the Naruto-Suske-Sakura relationships and dynamic, but I still think their personalities and speech patterns are a too similar. Also, for being kids they act and speak far too maturely; the way they speak is as if they were already adults in terms of both vocabulary and sentence structure. I also like the way you're doing Kyuubi and his relationship with Naruto; he isn't outright hostile to Naruto, nor is he outright helpful, but rather he's looking out for his own well being and is somewhere in between, recognizing that Naruto has some good points.
The assassination plot will be interesting, so I look forward to seeing where you go with that.
You need to work on your grammar and spelling. Adding extra unnecessary words ("of", "the", or similar things to that) seems to be a common problem for you. Adding those extra words often just confuses a sentence, making it harder to read and understand. Oddly, another problem you have is leaving out words, including ones that are important to the meaning of the sentence at times.
I'm glad that you're not just going to time-skip, and I like that kind of development and buildup as it is necessary for good storytelling. I like that you're changing around and adding detail to the history of Kumo. I also completely agree with your end of chapter rant about the manga.