|Reviews for We'll Always Have Omega|
| Anon chapter 3 . 12/8/2012
The 3 part short story is a wonderful form. It's perfect for fanfiction. Writing an actual short story is tough, and you handled it well. You know how to get your readers hooked and how to carry them through a plot switly, leaving in all the essential meaty bits and skillfully cutting the fat. Often novelesque fanfics drone on far too long with exposition which is why I skip 'em. At any rate, I can't say I “like Kells” as a person, but then I don't know her very well. And that's ok. She didn't seem a Mary-Sue to me anyway. Fanfiction needs more interesting OCs IMHO. Of course an expanded Mass Effect universe will require OCs. The same few characters over and over gets monotonous. I appreciated your character having a deep backstory (eventhough we don't know all the details). For this story those details aren't important. Readers can fill in the blanks as they like, right? I've been imagining all the great Garrus-on-Omega noir stories that one might write (that and Garrus-in-C-Sec stories). They are perfect for well crafted OCs. Garrus takes down a Citadel red sand smuggler or Garrus saves a femme fatale from Batarian slavers. This is an under-tapped well of possibilities. I hope you favor us with a few more noir stories like this one...perhaps with a little less wash room fornication. :)
| dragonagefan chapter 3 . 11/27/2010
I enjoyed this piece, and not just because it contained hot Garrus hotness. I like Kells too- she's an interesting character.
| girl undone chapter 3 . 9/21/2010
I'm writing an AU Mass Effect/film noir chapter story (all my other fanfic are one-shots, so it's slow going) and I really enjoyed this. No need to apologise to this reader! Garrus is just so easy to picture in black and white and a fedora in a smoky bar, isn't he? ;)
| DarkMage6 chapter 3 . 9/21/2010
I think it was a great ending. Little big of regret, longing, lust, and new beginnings.
| Jack Fetch chapter 2 . 8/31/2010
What is up with writers and femdom? If a woman ever slapped me across the face while I was fuckin' her I would, as a man, take that as an invitation to get rough with her. Also, you seem to have forgotten that Garrus is an expert at hand to hand and wouldn't allow himself (at least, I don't think he would) to be manhandled so easily being that whenever we see him in game he's always on his guard. Not to mention the fact that your OC is described as thin and she had just spent some time in prison, no matter how tough she is, that's got to have a toll on her physique. Heavy armor is called such because (guess what?) it's HEAVY. You don't just grab a man in heavy armor and throw him around, especially not with one hand. It would all make more sense if we knew anything about your OC and why she disarms Garrus so easily, but we don't. And that fact alone makes this entire thing frustrating and wooden.
'But the conviction in her voice, the fire in her eye, the razor sharp wit and the steel in her nerves. The way she was hiding the pistol behind her back and managed to slip in and out of his base without anybody noticing until he reviewed the surveillance tapes when he couldn't sleep. And the way she set his blood on fire with desire. He felt alive for the first time since Shepard had died.' - Those four sentences are not enough to make the attraction believable. It's hand waving to insert a character. You know how professional authors often speak of the difference between showing and telling? Well, it applies here. You told us she was awesome. You didn't show us. That makes us skeptical and destroys willing suspension of disbelief. Even in fanfiction that is important.
Also, how did she sneak into Archangel's base (show, don't tell!)? It was explicitly stated in the game that no one, NO ONE, knew where/what it was. Another thing, how does she so aptly know about Garrus' men? The thing about Archangel was that, once again, no one knew a damn thing about him and that's what made him dangerous. 'Fiery' or no, 'skilled' or no, Garrus would not have allowed someone to walk around with his secrets like that. Especially while he was Archangel and his worldview had been polarized even further into black and white. Garrus is a tactical genius; he would have just shot her after he tracked her down. Then promptly changed the location of his base while tightening up security. Letting a stranger walk around with a life or death secret is a tactical folly on the scale of Custer's Last Stand. We aren't told much about his time as Archangel but much can be inferred from his loyalty mission when he says that he's never been good with gray, always looking at the world in black and white. This polarization is made extreme after his mentor/anchor (Shepard) dies. It's one of Garrus' biggest flaws. Yes, it is possible (especially in the ME-verse) to have a character as equally skilled and competent as any of Shep's crew. However, without a proper explanation or a background that is understandable we cannot believe in the character. It's one of the most telling traits of a Mary Sue, not having a background and yet being extremely skilled/competent regardless.
Furthermore, an explanation into why she sets 'his blood on fire with desire' would be good. You know, because Garrus has never actually been interested in humans. Using his reverence of Shepard isn't good enough (show, don't tell!). Shepard, to him, is Shepard. Not the attractive female human Shepard. Just Shepard. A trusted companion and fellow warrior, and if the romance is done right, the attraction builds off of these two traits more than anything else.
It's not appealing reading. I don't really see where your OC fits into the ME-verse. I can get that you're trying to build this mystery around her but your characterization of Garrus is pretty far off and that just makes the entire thing seem contrived. I don't think Garrus would allow himself to liaison with a practical stranger so easily. It's great if you have a grand plan to explain all these things. If you don't, however, cut the chaff and just write a PWP on , where this sort of thing would be more welcome.
| xogs chapter 2 . 8/31/2010
Oh, Saga! I love it so much!
| DarkMage6 chapter 2 . 8/31/2010
What a tangled web you have caught yourself in, Garrus. lol
| xogs chapter 1 . 8/22/2010
| DarkMage6 chapter 1 . 8/21/2010
I like Garrus. I think my fav Mass Effect Character is Thane though. I like the story!