|Reviews for Ness in the Hall of Orgins|
| VenusRhianna chapter 2 . 10/30/2010
Hello again Nesspwns.
I'm happy about the note at the last part of this wonderful chapter. But anyways, to the review of this chapter.
The language you used was awesome (He was pale, fear evident in his brown eyes). I also like how you used Author's Point of View; hardly, if none at all, any authors use that.
Also, you paid a lot of attention to the characters' profiles and abilities (Arceus' Floatation ability), so this chapter was really good.
Again, you might want to watch your grammar, as when introducing speech you must add a comma (if you had been rushing then please ignore this as I understand).
Overall, another wonderful chapter. Please continue this marvelous story. Oh, you might be wondering about my name.
My mum says that I should be cautious when doing these things so I made up a fake name (Venus). My name is actually Rhianna.
| Venus chapter 1 . 9/16/2010
It has a good intro, good addressing titles (Mortal)and it's pretty good how you can skillfully act out the character's personalities (especially Ness').
It's good how you use like taunts and actions from other games besides Pokemon and Earthbound (Super Smash Bros. Brawl).
One thing you could work on is spelling and grammar (If you're actually good and accidentally did the spelling mistakes [the word 'beat', I think, is actually supposed to be 'bet'], then please ignore this section completely), mainly on commas.
I'm sorry if you got a bit discouraged, but please continue to make more chapters. This story is absolutely amazing! If I had to give it a rating, I'd say 10/10.