Reviews for Tanabi's Story
kate chapter 4 . 8/4/2012
Please put up chapter 5 soon and hurry
AshWolf Forever chapter 3 . 11/21/2011
Okay. That was... odd. It has the making of a good story. I'll check later on.
kate chapter 3 . 8/22/2011
Please put up chapter 4 soon and hurry and the story is really good keep up the good work
princesimba chapter 3 . 2/18/2011
dude ur story is awesome :D

keep it up
PrionsaAgusBradacha chapter 1 . 2/12/2011
I like the initial story idea :) however just a few critiscisims...

the chapters feel slightly rushed and sometimes i feel they move a little too quickly, but maybe that's a good thing? You use good descriptive techniques, good :) as you say in the beggining chappie "simba is a rouge" you have a chance to develop that into something interesting to flow with the story.

just to be clear i do love this story :) wasn't flaming :D

will there be an update?
Sandan1992 chapter 3 . 10/13/2010
Better, but the chapter placement needs to be revised in my opinion. If this was a continuation off the series, then the flashback style would be fine, but since you are doing a completely different story with new characters and different plot structure, it only makes it more difficult to understand. I think the flow would be much improved if you rearranged it. In addition, chapters are being repeated in each chapter, if you know what I mean. Its just a little reduntant is all.

-Ben
Your Mom's A Wookie chapter 2 . 8/24/2010
I love the idea you have. Its a refreshing twist from all the others. The only thing is your chapter placement.

Maybe what you're doing is writing them all on one word document?

Anyway, its really just my own personal problem. If you like it this way, I will deal with it.
Sandan1992 chapter 2 . 8/22/2010
First thing, the second chapter is the same as the first, so... yea, you might want to fix that.

Second thing: I like the idea of kind of an alternate Simba as a rogue, but there's gotta be a reason! I also don't get how scar fathered a wolf... but that's more of my own problem and less of something wrong with the story. I think you could do this really well if you just spaced it out a little more. Throw in some small talk, a prolougue to explain the whole rogue thing, more dialogue leading up to the climax of Kylie telling him the truth, because honestly I know nothing about her besides that she is scar's daughter. I really want to see this story do well, and I hope you understand that I'm trying to give constructive criticism rather than just complaints.

-Ben