Reviews for L' Estate di Suicidio
Kawaii3chan chapter 1 . 12/25/2017
archival chapter 24 . 10/31/2017
No, you can't pick *this* point in the storyline to stop updating! Snape and Harry haven't had their chat about whether he will still keep this from Hermione once he's had a chance to sleep on it. They definitely have not had their chat about Harry re-experiencing the wish to die through another person, about integrating such an experience and avoiding it becoming traumatic, etc. This is a critical point where he might revert back to being suicidal, and it would be interesting to see them navigate away from that. AND we're at a new point where the two of them are about to get onto the same side about this war stuff, almost as senior and junior colleague rather than protector/protectee; Snape approached him as a potential ally in this discussion. That would be interesting to see, as well. AND we're on the edge of our seats about what the trio will be able to do about their friendships. This was also one of the best angst stories I've come across.

You had said that you were having trouble logging in at some point, so I did a search to see if maybe you had continued the story under another username, but no luck. Looks like you were probably a senior in high school when you last wrote. If you'd like to come back to finish up as an adult, I'm sure you'd have some readers! Also, satisfy our curiosity about whether you continued writing stories, even if that's not your regular job.
Guest chapter 25 . 7/11/2017
Kk chapter 25 . 5/28/2017
I love your story so much... Plzzzz update as soon as you can I want to see how the discussion goes down.
Potterhead chapter 10 . 2/15/2017
I find it hard to see Harry trusting Snape this quickly to be honest
Guest chapter 25 . 2/6/2017
I really really really really really need more! Please update
crotia chapter 12 . 10/15/2016
Genius. That part where Dumbledore talks to Harry and Severus
Lava chapter 1 . 9/12/2016
I just found this story and i love it soooo much :o Please update soon
yaoineechan chapter 25 . 10/2/2014
Please please please update this is amazing!
Amazie chapter 23 . 5/28/2014
I understand that you have probably forgotten about this story, since it's been more than a decade since your last update. I just wanted to thank you for sharing it with us, even if only in part. :) Thank you!
crotia chapter 3 . 9/19/2013
I like the sound of this
Kita Me chapter 25 . 4/26/2013
I'll cry myself to death if this doesn't get finished...
It's just THAT good! TT_TT
Chapter 26, please!
(Craddock's crying in the corner already!)
Reader-anonymous-writer chapter 25 . 9/8/2011
~ I'm not James, but defective kid who looks like him

A son doesn't have to be carbon copy of father, there is nothing wrong with that.

~ If I hadn't been so damn convinced that it was my job to save the world and protect the sorcerer's stone, I wouldn't have had to deal with Quirrel at all. And regardless of Quirrel's sins, I killed him.

Quirrel would have died when Voldemort left him; he was damaged too much by possession.

~ I killed Professor Quirrel, in some half-assed attempt to prove my own worth.

You thought that it was necessary to protect the stone from the thief. And the only obstacle remaining was the mirror; I still don't know whether Voldemort-Quirrel would have obtained the stone without anybody else here, or not. It's Dumbledore's fault the stone was so accessible. Couldn't he put the stone under Fidelius, with Dumbledore or Fawkes as Secret Keeper?

~ I was applauded for it. That disgusts me. I've so blinded the people around me that they are convinced that I am justified in murder.

Self-defense. I just regret that adults weren't able to protect the stone better, to prevent students from going after it.

~ I am incapable of killing when it could save an innocent. I let Wormtail escape, and now Sirius is on the run, unable to lead the normal life. I took from him the one thing I want most in the world. What right did I have to do that, to intervene?

You didn't need to kill Wormtail, only to stun him. But the circumstances were unfortunate. You would have needed snakes to catch the running rat.

~ I should have let Cedric be the selfless, kind-hearted Hufflepuff, and taken the cup myself. Instead, I let my good intentions run away with me again, insist on sharing the glory. What glory?

You didn't know what would happen. Hindsight is 20/20.

~ And all it means to me is that I'm responsible for another death and for the rising of a man who will cause many, many more.

You aren't responsible for Cedric's death, for Voldemort's resurrection. Wormtail has done both, but considering Barty, Wormtail isn't the only person helping Voldemort, and somebody else would have done this, if you managed to catch Wormtail earlier. You didn't conciously cause Voldemort's life, 'death' and resurrection, so don't blame yourself for his actions, deaths of people opposing him.

~ Its so much easier to dismiss the things he says as lies when I'm not staring into his face, so full of sincerity.


~ Events that are beyond your control do not reflect on your character.


~ You won't be able to take an active role in fighting this war until you've learned a great deal more than you know now. You have to relax, stop thinking that the world is your responsibility. Voldemort has a lot of older, better prepared enemies who will do their best to make sure he doesn't come near you again. We are trying to protect you, Harry. All you have to do is let us.

Agree. Though: when will Harry learn Occlumency?

~ Its 4:30 am and I haven't gone to sleep yet, see what I do for you?

Profound bow.

~ what I might have once taken for anger, I'm beginning to suspect is enthusiasm; still generally directed at catching rule-breakers, but it is a relief to realize that Snape is not always as furious as he appears.

Quirinus might disgust Severus Snape because it reminds about stuttering Quirrel; though why hippogriff doesn't like it... He is beautiful, though too huge to be considered a pet; a pet should be so small it can be carried on a shoulder or in a pocket wherever you go.

~ Craddock is a Welsh name, meaning loved.


~ Hedwig is a friend, my equal. Where Hedwig would bristle at the term 'pet,' Craddock is undeniable thrilled by it. He likes to curl up in my lap, but he accepts when I tell him to wait. Rather than being angry at me for deserting him, he is delighted that I return. Craddock has his quirks, but I only have to ask forgiveness for it to be granted. Even Snape has been seen cuddling up to Craddock in the evening.

~ I need to here that


~ And you can always where that damn invisibility cloak


~ when I finally feel comfortable enough to begin talking about Dursleys, he doesn't believe me. How dare he?.. I am furious, but I am also hurt, and I don't want him to know that. I don't want to know it myself, but I don't have much of a choice... He appears genuinely sorry for upsetting me, and I feel guilty for speaking to him the way that I did.

~ taken aback by the headmaster's sudden appearance

How did he do this? How much he heard from dialogue? It seems he heard enough, to understand he made a mistake, but why do his eyes perpetually twinkle and laugh?

~ I feel more confident about facing school tomorrow... Hagrid's loyalty is unparalleled, and he can show amazing insight.

Thank you, Severus, Hagrid.

~ He said telling it would be the hard part. He was mistaken. Why should they care? I did desert them. But why should Ron begrudge me the chance to talk to someone who can actually relate? Angry and confused... I don't want to risk running into Ron. I go to the dungeons to talk to Snape.

Ron only thinks about his prejudices towards Slytherins and hatred towards Professor Snape. He doesn't care about what Professor Snape does for Harry; he is jealous of Slytherin doing better than him. Ron didn't see the burden of guilt on Harry's shoulders, he didn't try to help him when he still could... And Professor Snape was the one to install the self-injury wards around the house, though he had no obligation to do so...

~ He spent half of a year hating me for something that wasn't true. He expects me to run to him and tell him everything? Why should I when he so isn't hearing anything other than what he wants to hear?

By the way, how can you be sure the secrecy will remain,

When from telling his best friends Harry does not abstain?

The information will all clearly in their heads, minds remain,

For mind readers, veritaserum-using questioners to obtain.

~ She listened to me, and she pitied me. Pity breeds nothing but self-loathing and helplessness.

Pity applies when nothing can be done;

where person is hurt beyond any repair;

in situation which nothing can ever help.

Pity is hardly ever welcome by anyone;

pity comes together with deep despair;

pity isn't a feeling which can ever help.

~ A most amusing story about my third-year class with a furious pink and green striped Ravenclaw screaming at two bright orange Hufflepuffs that managed to explode a cauldron on their first day...

Thank you, Severus.

~ I am not willing to lose the kindness I have found in Snape because Ron can't get over his childish prejudices.

Thank you, Harry.

~ He obviously can't stand you!

I know that since Severus's act is aimed to fool Slytherins, including Draco, Ron will not be able to see through it. When Harry explodes, it will not be nice. I only hope that he doesn't blow Severus's cover.

~ snorts... chuckles... grins...

These detentions help Harry to rest from pretending, to feel better, to talk out his emotions.

~ You may be too tired to talk tonight, but that you are not getting out of it altogether.

Thank you. How do you determine the child was a Muggle, not a Muggleborn?

~ Voldemort is now able to identify muggle-born witches and wizards across the world and has every intention of eradicating the entire group.

My guess was unfortunately correct...

~ It will be impossible to protect everyone...

Involve Muggles to research technology which is difficult to stop by magic, incorporate it into most protection systems.

~ Voldemort will know if this information is leaked out at Hogwarts that I am a spy

First, aren't there other Death Eaters which know this information and could have leaked it? But they would have given it to the Ministry or Dumbledore, not Harry. Second, I hope this mind link is limited and doesn't allow Voldemort to read Harry's mind, or they would be doomed.

~ my classmates are in danger, they need to know to be careful

Your classmates were always in danger, as muggleborns, halfbloods or bloodtraitors. The only difference is that now children, not yet known to Hogwarts as future students, are going to be attacked. It is difficult for wizards to protect them all. So, I implore you, get Muggles on your side. Previously, Muggles were attacked at random; now, children of Muggles are attacked at random. Every human will fight to protect a child, forewarn them.

~ my intimidating potions master, a tender and kind friend, the cool, unyielding leader, the worried, fretful man... I know what I have to do, but I need to hear that it is right from human point of view, to know the guy who comforts me after nightmares will stand by me.

~ I'm behaving like a child, but I don't care. I'll talk to Snape later, but I've had too much heavy discussion for now. I will have to face Hermione, knowing that I have a secret that could cost her life. Maybe Snape is right not to trust me now...

It's good you are behaving like a child, you couldn't for a long time. I understand you are tired from this heavy discussion. Hermione is more likely to be killed for being the Muggleborn student beating purebloods in most classes, for being a friend of The-Boy-Who-Lived, than because of this system. This secret is unlikely to be the main reason of her death; as long as Voldemort concentrates on killing nameless numbers of pre-Hogwarts children, he isn't likely to attack Hermione. It's selfish point of view, but it's true: the system isn't likely to attack Muggleborns who are already in Hogwarts. If Voldemort's system works, Severus Snape (with Minerva) will find out how, and a way to protect them (protection should be inconspicuous, like Muggle-based; when Voldemort's system will be widely known, house elves can be used - though goblins have wards against elves, they are hopefully too co
Reader-anonymous-writer chapter 13 . 9/8/2011
~ It doesn't matter if death is too good for me, I'm too weak to fight anymore.

~ I am vaguely satisfied with the result. Snape certainly won't stick around very long if I keep insulting him like this. The man hates me, and I'm pretty sure he is only here to mock me anyway.

~ a slight twinge of remorse. I know better than to really think this of Snape, but I want him to leave me alone. I want them all to leave me alone.

How could Dumbledore not know Harry can resist Imperio? The whole school has known it, since fake Moody 'taught' the spell to the class.

~ I sigh. I know, from being in Snape's class for four years that he is nothing if not persistent. It will take a lot to convince him to give up on me.

~ Why, Snape? Why not just help me, let me die? What does it matter to you?

~ I curse myself for breaking even this much. It is never advisable to let your guard down, to let other people in. They only leave in the end, and you are left hurt and broken.

~ I don't want to deal with this another night. It helps that Snape is here, though I can't imagine I will ever admit that to his face. I am ashamed to realize that I want to reach out and take his hand, that I have reached the conclusion that such action would quiet my fears. This is still Snape, and I don't think that I am ready to accept him as my friend. Slowly, conscious thought is drifting away. My hand, despite my best efforts to the contrary, is drifting closer and closer to Snape...

~ I don't really have a choice... I know that with him here, my dreams will not return... Snape has returned, and I am amazed to find myself relieved at his presence... Snape looks genuinely concerned, and I'm more than a bit surprised.

~ I don't want to see how hurt he is when he realizes that I don't trust him. I am barely managing as it is, I don't think I can deal with the added guilt.

Dumbledore is the one at fault. He has taken too much control from Harry. I don't know whether Dumbledore's influence somehow made Potters more vulnerable, but he didn't push for fair trial for Harry's godfather, he took Harry to Dursleys and never allowed competent authorities (magical or not) to check what is going on here (though I'm thankful for the thoughtful wards created here), he praised Harry after life-threatening exploits instead of curbing his rule-breaking tendencies.

~ I don't want any contact with Snape until I know for certain that he is here simply because he is concerned... I almost feel sorry for him. One mistake in his past and he will be paying all of his life. He doesn't deserve it. He has paid his dues time and time again. I wish I was brave enough to stay here and pay mine, but all I want to do is disappear... It's the first time I've smiled in months, and I can hardly believe that it was in response to Snape. He isn't the man that I thought he was.

If there are so many alerts about injuries, why wasn't the abuse noticed? Was the abuse so restricted that it wasn't detected by wards? Verbal insults, starving, bruises, broken bones... Were the latter two unnoticed, dismissed like accidents or results of playing? But why was the second one unnoticed? Considering intent-based wards, why wasn't intention to seriously harm a person a reason for alarm? And don't tell me wards ignored Dursleys because they are relatives: by blood, Vernon isn't Harry's or Lily's relative.

~ I will always do what I think is in your best interest. Sometimes I am wrong, as I so clearly was with the potion, but I will never intentionally harm you.

But you will people to do what you think is right; you rarely listen.

~ If you truly feel that Professor Snape is what you need to work through your current emotions, then that is what I will tell Sirius when I respond.

I'm afraid Sirius will go to the castle; he dislikes Slytherins, and hates Severus.

~ What right do I have to be here, taking from these wonderful people? What does it matter in the end if I live or die, as long as these people are unharmed? I can't sit here and watch Madame Pomfrey drain herself of energy trying to care for me, or see Snape trying so hard to turn into this kind, loving man for my benefit. He needs his strength for other things, bigger things. They all do.

~ I don't want to explain it to Snape, I am certain he already understands what a burden I am, and now he is taking on even more responsibility for me. I don't want him to take care of me, as though I was worth his time. I know I'm not. But I want someone willing to chase me down the halls, and take me into their arms when I'm frightened. I don't want to be disappointed again. It's easy to convince yourself that you are loved, and then you find out all over again that you aren't worthy. I can't do that again. I can't let myself believe that Snape knows me, or understands me. Even if he did care whether I live or die, he's probably got the same romanticized image of me that everyone else has. The Boy Who Lived. I'll never be that person. And no one knows who I really am. I don't think they want to know. What does it matter? They all leave in the end anyway... No one has ever done that for me before, and it only makes me cry harder, to think that this poor man is deluded enough to think that I am someone worth comforting... They only like the Boy Who Lived, Professor, and that isn't me!

~ I think it must take a lot out of him to keep up what I am now certain is simply a mask of anger and bitterness all year. There is more to Snape than I ever saw, or ever tried to see, really, and now, he is offering me a glimpse at who he really is. And to my surprise, I find I actually want to know. I want to know the man who is helping to put me back on my feet. He has been making an attempt to get to know me, and I haven't seen any judgment in his eyes. I want to offer him the same chance he is giving me.

~ I have no intention of killing myself this morning, and that thought is surprising too. How long has it been since I could honestly say that I had no plans for escape? Yet here I am, a few days in Snape's care, and I am beginning to remember what it means to be alive... Rather than being angry at being tested, I find myself smiling nervously back at the professor.

~ about to venture out into public

How will Voldemort not know about this?

~ I very nearly groaned out loud. Being tutored by Snape was not the best way I could think of to spend my time. Still, it was better than sitting around waiting for Snape to begin another one of our heart-to-heart chats. Besides, Professor Snape was volunteering to spend his summer teaching me skills I would very likely need to pass his class when the new term began. It would be foolish of me to whine.

~ stunned... emotionally drained... gently... silent...

~ You may have tried to take the life of an innocent, but it was your life, not someone else's. You could have easily taken your emotions out on the people who harmed you or someone else, but you didn't. You took everything you felt, everything that was dying to escape from you, and you controlled it and turned it back on yourself. It was probably the stupidest thing you have ever done. But you controlled yourself, Harry, and that shows great strength. Once you figure out that you were wrong, once you really believe it, you can harness that strength and use it to release your emotions in a better way. Talking to me is wonderful beginning, but it won't always be enough. You will need to talk to everyone you care about, Harry, you need to tell them everything that drove you to such extremes. It will be the hardest thing you have ever done. But you have already demonstrated your strength to me. So don't doubt yourself, Harry, because that is when you truly begin to lose control." I was quite certain of the sincerity of his words, but I was not so confident in their truth. Still, his words give me more to consider, and I slip back into my mind, retreating from Professor Snape until I have time to process his words.

~ I find myself wishing that school didn't have to begin again. I miss my friends, but at the same time, I don't know how I am going to be able to face them. I don't want them to ask me any questions about this summer and why I am different. I'm not sure that I will be able to deal with the inquisitive looks Hermione is bound to throw my way when she thinks I'm not looking, or Ron's anger when he realizes that I don't want to tell him anything. I don't want to look into Malfoy's sneering face and remember the words he said to me on the train at the beginning of the summer. I don't want to look at the Hufflepuff table and remember Cedric's death. I don't want to listen to Snape yell during potions and be forced to pretend that I don't understand why he is the way he is, that he isn't the only thing holding me together.

~ Professor Dumbledore is far too trusting, and his trust has put me in danger before. Snape, one the other hand is meticulous. Perhaps that was not entirely healthy for him, but it made me feel safe

on the other hand

~ Well, you didn't make it, I'm sorry...

It's not like Harry is the most rule-abiding person...

~ Regardless of my reasoning, I've broken more rules in my first four years than the average person does in seven. And chances are, I'm not going to stop.

~ The other Gryffindor prefect is Neville Longbottom

At least, it's not Ron. Ron would be too prejudiced against Slytherins, and a rule-breaker too, and not even studious.

~ Perhaps he can salvage something of his reputation, although I am doubtful that the vampire rumors allow room for eating ice cream sundaes outside on a bright, sunny summer morning... "Thanks."

Ron isn't subtle or observant. Yelling at the top of his lungs - as if he wants to attract attention of the whole Diagon Alley to Harry. Not seeing Professor Snape in his hurry.

~ home

Yes, Hogwarts is Harry's home now, m
Saissister chapter 25 . 4/6/2011
Update soon! I'm a new fan yay!
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