|Reviews for Friends, Enemies, or more?|
| Guest chapter 12 . 7/17
Plz keep writing this story is amazing
| Blossom chapter 1 . 7/17
Sad sad sad...,...anyways am only ten and I don't know how to reveiw so I'll just comment... Wwaaaaaaa I was crying...
I love it!
| awesomestarmills22 chapter 12 . 6/7
omg this fanfic is so great please continue to write more I love it! 3 3 3
| Mei chapter 12 . 5/12
Wow, the story is great! Hope you update soon~
| sonder this chapter 12 . 4/21
It has been 4 years since you have last updated so who knows how much your writing has changed so the constructive critique I'll be leaving will just speak for what you have managed here so far. First off, capitalizing, placing in commas, and quickly proofreading your summary can do wonders for your reader traffic (also removing the 'Read and find out' since it is already apparent that if a reader wants to find out, they will do so of their own volition.) I almost bypassed this story altogether just because I wondered how literate this story could be if the author couldn't bother to proofread their summary. Summaries are important in that they make the first impression for your work which is why I'm being so nit-picky here. Continuing in the same vein, there were a lot of misplaced words, typos, misspellings, awkward wording, and such throughout each chapter to the point that they disrupted the fluidity of the reading experience itself. I know it takes time to double-check (then triple-check and so forth) but readers don't mind waiting some more if it improves the quality of the story.
But obviously those errors were not enough to throw me off if I've managed to reach the end here. You have an interesting premise, one which I think you have not yet taken full advantage of yet. For instance, including Tragedy in the genre is a bit misleading because while the cause of what put Blossom in this unique situation in the first place was tragic, there was a conspicuous missing part of the aftermath that doesn't quite live up to the Tragedy's name. Yes, you talked about Blossom crying at her family's statue and the spontaneous moments of when she thinks about them but the weight of each moment was not enough to make up for the lack in quantity. I'm not saying you should put an angst-moment everywhere now but there were plenty of times where I thought, Huh, why didn't she say anything there or why is she acting so nonchalant about this.. As a point of reference, I'll give you a few examples. At the beginning when she met the RRBs again after years of MIA, shouldn't she have protested more at the action of her enemies saying, Hey, let's just live at your house! Yes, they threatened her with an innocent citizen's life but that still wouldn't stop her from feeling or thinking negative thoughts. Where is the anger at the gall of these boys intruding upon the last sanctuary of her and the memory of her dead family's life? Where is the hesitation and melancholy as she watches them take over her family's rooms and when they asked her to clean and remove the memories (furniture) from the rooms? What about when they re-painted her sisters and the Professor's walls, removing all traces that her family had ever resided there? Where is her nostalgia or despair as she takes the clothes into her room and wears her sisters' clothing? Overall, her main attitude had just been indifference or plain annoyance at doing these chores - implausible reactions to a loved one's death that is still most definitely fresh. It had been only two weeks since that monumental event in her life and yet, she moves pretty lively about the house. Sure, she is being occupied by the boys' presence but that doesn't mean she would ever stop thinking about it (while doing mindless chores or when she is about to turn into bed).
In Ch.8, you had a perfect scene for one of those moments. When you mentioned how Blossom has been sleeping in more whereas before she had a purpose to wake up early but it's not like anyone around here would care anymore... (That thought right there could've been taken advantage of.) This may just seem like a small detail but it is details like these that make up the narrative.
One thing that puzzled me in the first chapter was at the part where Blossom was crying at the statue. Any person, sad or not, would /try/ to see what the heck was picking them up, especially if it was disturbing their time of mourning. You can still use the excuse that the tears would've blurred her vision but she didn't even try opening her eyes at all, even when the "mystery person" lifted her chin.
When she went to get the sports equipment, I thought it strange of her to think the townspeople annoying when they greeted her and gave her their condolences. What is it about their friendliness or condolences that she had found irritating? After all, these are the people she has been saving for years without any true obligations to them.
It is doubtful that the RRBs would stand the patience of using training equipment made for an average human (the Professor made a training simulation chamber for the PPGs so Blossom could've shown them that instead) but good job on pointing out how it was surprising to Blossom that Boomer hadn't wrecked the treadmill yet being he was the speediest one but it shouldn't be shocking to her how strong they are since both her (PPGs) and the RRBs have super strength and such. You did have one sentence talking about how she is aware of this and yet she was still impressed (which is an odd sentiment).
Infamous for her responsible nature, Blossom would not have condoned sparring in the house so before Butch and her began their spar, she should've suggested a change in location - definitely not in the suburbs with other neighboring houses so nearby (and if you had wanted, have Butch not care and just charge ahead anyways).
I can tell that you must really enjoy fashion because you never skimp on the details there, haha. But don't get carried away when practicality clashes with fashion choices. For example, during the pool's construction, Blossom's high ponytail would have been much more practical, cooling-wise, than the two low pig tails - especially considering her hair length.
Now of course, I do have praises! (I did read up to this point, no?) Your decision to have Boomer as the quiet brother at the start was an interesting choice and you made a feasible reason for it, too. But there was one scene where he talked back to Brick and I wish you had built a more realistic bridge towards that point. I'm glad you had Blossom consider how unusually quiet the monsters have been several chapters back because I was starting to wonder about that myself. How you included talking about Blossom's financial situation now that her family is gone and she's left taking care of three jobless boys is a greatly appreciated detail. And I almost forgot how the citizens of Townesville would normally react to the RRBs but good thing you didn't (ex: the McDonalds employees frantically getting them their food).
All in all, I don't know if you ever plan to return to finishing up this story but your attention to details (besides the parts that I talked about) is a gift that should never stop being refined. Your story definitely has potential; with some polishing here and more of the 'stuff' I said was lacking, this could turn out to be something great. Just be careful with distinguishing between your voice and Blossom's voice when writing (something which you had brought up a couple times in your author's note.)
| Guest chapter 12 . 3/28
This is a great story so far please update it because it's amazing!
| Lindsay chapter 12 . 2/11
R u from Alabama
| Amazing chapter 12 . 1/31
You are an amazing author and I love this story. Keep up the good work!
| BLOSSICKlover3 chapter 12 . 1/18
| BLOSSICKlover3 chapter 12 . 1/12
MORE!its been teo years!
| BLOSSICKlover3 chapter 12 . 12/29/2015
| GypsyDragon14 chapter 12 . 12/27/2015
Please please please update more! This is by far my most favorite PPGZ and RRBZ fanfic ever!
And I'm guessing you're from New Jersey. Don't know why but that's my guess
| Minecraftlover13 chapter 12 . 8/28/2015
Awww I wish u continued the story. Also I liked TTFN lol
| Guest chapter 11 . 8/28/2015
Aww next chap is the last :'(
| Guest chapter 10 . 8/28/2015