|Reviews for Just Beneath the Surface|
| readsmanyfavsfew chapter 9 . 12/31/2011
Hooray contrivances! So now Asuma is totally screwed. I still think he was being wise in not hunting alone. Fun fact: the most dangerous and lethal large mammal in Africa is the wildebeast, followed by the hippo. Just sayin. Still not much to say about the cubs end.
| readsmanyfavsfew chapter 8 . 12/31/2011
Simba always seemed a bit ridiculous with how he takes the sight of Zira. He smacks kovu just for roaring, and then attacks him again as kovu submits and tries to be reasonable. The not wise thing coming more into play here. Poor kovu just wants to be trusted again, although admiteddly he is working against himself at this point. The secrecy made this all the more volatile, much larger oppurtunity to go wrong then was necessary.
| readsmanyfavsfew chapter 7 . 12/31/2011
Although cowardice seems to be what asumas caution is meant to convey, I interpret it as actual honest to god wisdom. I see you retconned three days in between kovu saying no to tanga, and that makes her disappointment with him a little more understandable I suppose. Yeah not much else to talk about in this chapter, it pretty much just sets up a situation for the next.
| readsmanyfavsfew chapter 6 . 12/31/2011
Okay seriously? IT'S BEEN ONE DAY SINCE KOVU SAID NO. I think you should add a time between to show kovu actually neglecting the cubs if you're going to have the characters think he is. Also, I'm pretty sure even if kovu didn't get dealt the worst hand of cards ever by fate he would still be really busy with being the king and all. Anyways, tanga just seems super whiny to me now complaining about not spending time with kovu after he tells her no for ONE DAY. She already sleeps on kovus head, does she have abandonment issues or something? O wait...(thinks to the future of the fic) that actually might make sense given how she reacted to some stuff. Hmmm. I must ponder her more now... Oh yes great chapter as always. Hmmmmmm. *pensive thought*
| readsmanyfavsfew chapter 5 . 12/31/2011
Yes simba, rafiki SPECIFICALLY told you to treat kovu like a son and the first thing you do is... Tell him you don't trust him anymore and shatter his confidence. Way to go O' wise king of the pridelands. END SARCASM. Of course, kovu isn't exempt from my rantings either, he told simba to trust him...and then immediately lied about having seen a rogue, or told a half truth about it. Technically though, kovu lied because simba was already untrusting of him, so you could technically trace that back to simba as well. Honestly I like simba, I really do, but the dude makes some pretty shoddy descions as king, or maybe just in general. The first two movies are sorta the result of simba blundering around ( for the most part, tragic death of mufasa not included) and in this fic its no different. Also, I have something to say about the darkness is still within him speech rafiki gave simba. Personally, I find that to be nonsense because of a very important fact that I can very conviently summarize in a in a single concise sentence. "The light shines brightest in the dark." That's a major theme of a story I'm working on but it applies here just as well. Basically, what is better; to be born good, or to overcome your darker nature with great difficulty? Yes, kovu might have darkness within him, but with that darkness he has the potential to shine brighter than anyone else in the fic. Anyways, just some of ky opinion on rafikis wisdom and how the situation is developing in general. Great chapter, as always. I wonder if I can abreviate that to Gcaa?
| readsmanyfavsfew chapter 4 . 12/31/2011
Short chapter, but still good. I was actually somewhat surprised to learn Asuma and tanga were actually half as big as kovu and kiara this early in the story. I had thought they were cubs at this point, like simba and nala were in the first half of the lion kinug. I noticed one of the giant recurring themes with the cubs was wanting to go on a hunting trip and never going. That always irked me a little as something really petty to judge an entire upbringing by, but it isn't that prevalent yet. I think this chapter is meant to demonstrabl that kovu is beginning to change, and to that end it suceedes very nicely.
| readsmanyfavsfew chapter 3 . 12/31/2011
I love the metaphor of the scar, and all it symbolized. I don't think its mentioned past this chapter how it gets worse or better, although that would be a pretty neat gauge of kovus character development. I do remember he gets more scarred later in the story though, so I might be wrong on that front. Most writers sorta lose their focus as the story goes on, but you've kept it razor Sharp on kovu for the first act where he is in the pridelands. Kovu STILL hasn't done anything wrong, if anything he showed admirable qualities of mercy to his mother, although she diminished them somewhat by prying into his mind. While its true there may be some subconcoious reason for kovu returning to the cliff, I highly doubt it was because of feelings of guilt for being a traitor, but desire for closure like he said. Anyways, great development on kovu here, and as always great writing.
| Mrs Charlie Weasley-thats me chapter 30 . 12/30/2011
Oh wow. I honestly don't know what else I can say about this story, it is simply fantastic. I found it from a link on Deviant art, and about two chapters in I realized it was incomplete... Normally, that would be enough for me to stop reading, because I hate waiting for the end of stories, plus I've had too many authors on fanfiction not finish stories I've been reading. (Sadly I was one of them, but I'm working on finishing that story now)
But anyways, by the second chapter of your story I was already so intrigued I couldn't help but keep reading 'just until I see what kovu does about the truth'... yea well, it's safe to say I am now completely hooked on your story.
Your writing has really improved immensely since your earlier chapters as well. You can see the transition of the characters as you go, and how they're growing with your writing skills. Very good job! I love the relationship you've formed for the children... I feel like they're real characters from Disney himself. I also have a soft spot for Natin. lol
I know you just updated this week, but please keep it up! How many more chapters do you think there will be? Keep up the good work!
| AshWolf Forever chapter 30 . 12/28/2011
Way to go Shembre! I really do love this story. Great job.
| Reldor chapter 30 . 12/28/2011
Omg yes! You updated! :D
I'm really looking forward to the drama in the next few chapters!
| readsmanyfavsfew chapter 30 . 12/28/2011
Good to see Chaka got some development under his belt. I knew he was just protecting his pride before, but having him specifically state that certainly demonizes his character a little less. Going back to that miscommunicatioj theme, kiara has failed to tell him why she thinks he is doing the wrong thing, and how he could improve himself. Atleast now ww know he isn't quite as stubborn as he seems. I'm a giant sucker for inter family relationships, so I'm dreading kovus inevitable betrayal at the hands of his son. Somehow I don't think the circle of life is going to have much life in it in the comeing chapters. Kiara actually got up and did something, which is a wonderful change from the years of forgetting she existed. I suppose you could point to kovus absence as a reason for that. So many factons in this fic now, and so many motivations driving them. It all centers on kovu, every one, and I think the whole house of cards would collapse when he makes his move. Ps. Totally forgot about the promise to reveiw every chapter, but I will get it done! Eventually...at some point.
| amziss chapter 29 . 11/30/2011
Great chapter, but one thing... there should come a bit more of action in your story. Cause they are now only talking and thinking, really like how you describe thei feelings and thoughts, but there should be more action to. Maybe i'm just saying this cause i so much wanna know how the fight will be and if they are gonnna kill him or not :3 I still love your writind XD Keep going on :)
| readsmanyfavsfew chapter 29 . 11/29/2011
Arrrrrgh this is written so well its literally paining me to read the paths some of these characters are following. You've got a great grip on all the characters motivations and beleifs, and your illustrating very well how they are all acting on what they beleive to be for the best for their families. Ha, I think that's the great driving force of this fic, family. It's what makes it even more painful to see them tear eachother apart when they should be protecting one another. Well I'll adress some specific things in this chapter first. I really REALLY wish kovu would just spill his emotions and apologies and basically everything onto Asuma, it would basically destroy any murderous intent Asuma would have and personally I think itd be really cathartic both for the reader and for kovu and Asuma. Instead of really having that painful and difficult talk with his son like he should have, he choose to sorta..skim the difficult parts and adress the situation at hand which served to only further distance Asuma from him. He still needs to adress the circumstances of simbas death because that is the main cause of of the distrust basically all the characters are feeling for him, but a good long talk with his son wouod have been a needed step towards peace between the families. All that summarizing you seeright there? That was all extrapolated from the two lines of dialouge you had kovu give Asuma about missing his childhood. I am just consistantly BLOWN AWAY by how EXCELLENT your inter character relationships are. They are the substance and soul of this fic, and I could spent days examining them all and witnissing how they weave together like the most intracate of spider webs. (I'm going to committee a reveiwer sin and attempt to influence the story by stating my opinion but I really REALLY want the truth of simbas murder to cone out at some point. I still maintain that kovu is innocent in all this and it makes me tear my hair out to see how well and truly screwed he is from everyone's perceptions of him.) Errr I got side tracked, back to the story. You demonstrated how kovu doesn't want any bloodshed between the prides really, he just wants to take back the pride from Chaka or in his mind "save" the pride from Chaka who he sees as a villan figure. Kovu is acting not only to save the pride from Chaka, but to give back Asuma his inheritance and "make things right again". This act only confuses natin and Asuma who assumed (side note:is Asuma supposed to be a pun for assume? Because he certainly does a lot of that) that kovu was some evil lion that wanted to wage war for his own selfish grip upon power. You know what the villan of this fic is? I just found it, I've been thinking of every characters motivations and how they are all essentially well justified given their own understanding of reality. All of them in some way shape or form are working to protect their family, there is no character villan of this fic. Miscommunication. That one word is the source of all the problems all the characters are having. It started with simba not trusting kovu, kovu keeping Zira from simba, and the hiding his death because he was alone and afraid, to zazu falsely condemning him for murder-everything and I mean everything has been the fault of miscommunication and misinterpreting eachothers motives. And now I'm getting side tracked again. You know I'm noticing this really isn't really following the paradigm of a reveiw anymore, its mostly just me writing about how I interpret and respond to this story. I'll just finish my rant first because to be quite honest I like writing about your story. So now, we have a Asuma who is facing the same issues that kovu once did and even worse is falling into the same trap. I openly laughed at the irony of how Asuma notices how *inefficient* kovu was on changing for Zira when kovu actually HAS reformed himself and Asuma just hasn't seen it while Asuma himself is turning into kovu when he was at his worst. You flat out stated to the reader how Asuma was as parallel to kovu and was becoming kovu which made me sorta say "called it" in my head cause I interpreted that like nine chapters ago, I say that at the risk of sounding extremely pretentious but ill allow myself that small victory anyways. You actually gave kiara an opinion on something this chapter and more importantly it looks like she's actually going to DO SOMETHING and better yet she's going to use the power she always wielded. As I said the villan of this fic is miscommunication and the madness and chaos that it brings with it. If anyone has the power to end that, I think it would be kiara. I know it certainly wouldn't make for an exciting climax but if they just all got together, freaking stopped going and eachothers throats and TALKED and I mean really TALKED they could resolve pretty much every conflict without bloodshed. I see that the only chance for that to happen is with kiara, and it is a slim chance indeed. Anyways, excellent job of showing how she's lost confidence in herself and how the we are one thing doesn't seem to cut it anymore. I'm extremely intrested to see where her character goes. There's only one other thing I really want to adress and I suppose its the talk between natin and Asuma. Now, natins motives have been seemingly questionable this whole fic, I thought him a puppet master manipulating them all for his own benifit for awhile, but this talk really solidified my understanding of his intentions. Now I am pacifist, and for good reason too. If everyone in this fic was pacifist for just a day all these pointless conflicts would be resolved easily, so I gained immense admiration and respect for natin when he said murder wasn't an option under any circumstances, as it should be. I was excited for a moment there was another true voice of reason besides kiara that could end the madness. Aaaaaaaand then he gors back to being decided upon murdering kovu for the greater good. *head pounding on wall* Why can't they see by comitting murder they are no better than the ones they kill. Hell, natin freaking stated it himself word for word to Asuma why murdering kovu shouldnt be considered I just...I don't even... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGH! Your writing is so good its driving me mad! I think I just covered everything I wanted to talk about, this may be my longest reveiw ever given how I wanted to throw all my thoughts on the fic at you but I think you'll enjoy reading them anyways. I haven't forgotten my promise to reveiw every chapter and I swear I will, I'm just busy with school at the moment. I noticed you tore through captive from my fav stories list and I encourage you to sample more , I choose only the best of the best lion king fics to have the privlige of being on my favorites. Speaking of which... I look forward to the next chapter, write on!
| AshWolf Forever chapter 29 . 11/28/2011
My oh my. Well done Shembre. This is lovely and amazing.
| readsmanyfavsfew chapter 2 . 11/10/2011
Great opening pargraphs, while opening in a dream sequence isn't quite the most original way to begin a story, your execution of the premise was excellent. Visions found in dreams play a very important role in this story I have noticed. Personally I find it to be a rather cheap plot device when used to impossibly predict the future, but I do beleive you managed to avoid that with this story. While in this case simbas dream was pretty much obvious foreshadowing, it was a result of his own subconscious playing tricks on him. In the end I beleive its the same distrust he gives up too that ends up making kovu beleive he had to prove himself, a very tragic self fuffiling prophecy if you will. What I've seen from this story is that dreams shouldn't be trusted as reliable sources of information on the future or otherwise because more often than not bad things have happened as a result of this. Onto the chapter, simba has begun to distrust kovu based on nothing more than a dream. See the stick of destiny I was talking about? It's beating kovu on the snout as we speak, and I fear its only going to get worse. I think ill point out why I sympathize with kovu as I go along in the reveiws, since again kovu is the core of the story... Speaking of which, onwards to tu next chapter. (O krapp I better say I enjoyed this chapter and it was an excellent read before I move on) I enjoyed this chapter and it was an excellent read. Please don't feel that just because I am pointing out some flaws that I hate the story, because I don't. I really really like this story.