|Reviews for Just Beneath the Surface|
| Kusa chapter 40 . 6/29/2013
I'm hoping you go with B. This story has had me hooked since I started reading and B is sounding like a good option.
| readsmanyfavsfew chapter 40 . 6/21/2013
Yay an update! This one took awhile, I was getting used to the month-lyish fix of this story. Subtle guilt trips aside, time for the reviewing!
This chapter was...odd. At first, and at the surface. The main focus is on Tanga and Kiara. And Kovu and Chaka. Big relationship changing dialogue is passed between the two. One was introduced strangely, the other had a more systematic oddness to it.
Kiara and Tanga. We as readers know exactly why kiara ran away. It was told to us in her point of view. And still, at least to me, even now, it seems kinda inexplicable that she would need to leave for a few moments. Even the characters were kinda taken aback by it. I mirror Timon in witnessing that. But really I'm left to ask; what exactly was the point of her running off? That she suddenly left isn't of any significance or brought up again, nothing happens to her while she leaves, she doesn't appear to discover any new reasoning with which to explain to tanga while she's gone...it looks to me to be wholly unnecessary for Kiara to just run off. Running away is a big BIG emotive action for a character to take. There should be big reasons for it. But a mother running away from her recently discovered child almost presumed dead is just really quite something else. I don't think what kiara feels guilty of would be enough to warrant such action for her. Hell I don't think anythingwould warrant fleeing from your child in such a case. Okay this really is minor so I'll get off of it. But I think the same guilt could have been conveyed much for succinctly. Just having kiara hesitate a moment before rushing to Tanga, and having Tanga notice that, would serve much better to demonstrate that interaction, and would certainly give Kiara a bit more subtlety. This was the only odd part in this section.
Their discussion is more or less exactly how it should have gone. Tanga is pissed at being kept blissfully ignorant of the giant elephant in the family, and I agree with all her points. Kiara really shows how she just wanted to protect her from the horrid truth, and you can see why a mother would go to those lengths, even if it's not necessarily the best for Tanga. She just wanted Tanga to be happy, and while she accomplished that for a short while, it kinda backfired too. I liked that dynamic.
Kovu and Chaka. MAN did this one feel weird. There was nothing wrong with it, it just developed Chaka leaps and bounds beyond what I was anticipating. Chaka has always been an extremely easy character to understand. Tragic past. Immensely hurt by it. Cloaks himself in rage and uses it to deal with the past as well as the present. This chapter really saw him peel away that cloak though and I realized...I have absolutely no idea what kinda character he would be underneath that. His anger hasn't just been his most defining trait to me, but also one of his only ones. Lot's of what he's done so far seems to have been motivated by it, and I'm starting to wonder what he'd be like if he was truly let it go. I've never been really fair to Chaka as a character, he was always easy to understand. I tended to dismis him. He's the angry one. He makes violent rash decisions that aren't always the smartest, and causes alot of problems. Easy to sum up. Without that though he begins to show some room to mature. I really liked this line, it stuck out to me the most.
"All of you have been acting like cubs. Chaka's just the biggest,"
A fun line, a witty one, and a truthful one. And it demonstrates the section with Chaka and Kovu the most. Speaking of which...
Kovu just absolutely cemented his change from the one who runs away from everything to the one who takes responsibility for everything. Even some things he may not have thought he did. I've mentioned time and time again how I don't really think Kovu murdered Simba, and how it was the push that started the whole story, but regardless of his innocence or guilt Kovu seems to have just accepted it for what it is and is taking responsibility. That one act has always seemed to have had a looming effect on the story. Even up to now, despite all that's happened, that's what I think about first when trying to analyze Kovu's character. If he's leaving that behind himself now, in a way I kinda have to too. And without that act constantly coming up to judge him by, it really does seem like he's truly changed.
Hrm. The Kovu Chaka talk felt strange to me because of how important they hate eachother has been to driving the conflict so far. I definitely understand now what you mean when you say a big conflict resolving itself with a bit of discussion can feel a bit flat. Still, lot's and lots of pushing was needed for this, and they didn't exactly make peace yet. It felt odd to see these two former arch nemesis's talk to one another, but it makes sense given that they're not really the same characters anymore, given all their growth.
The two qoutes you began this story with so long ago grow more and more relevant. I wonder; how much of this general outline did you plan ahead for? While specifics I'm sure weren't solid, how much of the general outline of the story has remained the same? I'm left to wonder.
Can't wait for the next update!
P.S- OH geeze I almost forgot to mention! No Asuma section!? Is he alive?! How could you torture your readers with a long cliff hanger on a main character's life!? Who do you think you are? George R.R Martin?!
| saintgat1999 chapter 40 . 6/20/2013
B! B! B,my lord!
| tmh1022 chapter 40 . 6/18/2013
So Tanga's doubting the power of forgiveness...lol, it was Kovu wanting to forgive his mother that started this whole mess.
Hurray for Chaka keeping a hold of himself...I am starting to like his character a bit more.
BTW, was the character death warning always in the summary? I only just noticed it.
| Zero Unit RGB chapter 40 . 6/18/2013
Okay, this chapter itself was written without any heart-racing action but it still excited me. Everything lined up perfectly but now they just have to deal with getting Asuma out of his ordeal safely. And I don't blame Chaka for not believing the story, of course, anyone sane wouldn't really believe it. But you would have to consider this, if Kovu had been lying, wouldn't he have said something that made sense instead of crazy? It's funny yet this is very tempting indeed. Also, I'm leaning towards B as well if Kovu's going to be accepted by the pride again.
| Incarnate Firefly chapter 40 . 6/18/2013
Well, this makes for a very nice change. Chaka and Kovu are actually listening now instead of just going around doing stupid stuff out of anger. I'm hoping your next update comes soon :)
And as for the next part, I'm going with option B. If you're intending for Chaka and Kovu to reconcile at least to an extent, the process will flow more naturally if you give them something to do on the same side before everything comes together for the conclusion.
| saintgat1999 chapter 23 . 6/9/2013
Am I the only one who feels sorry for Kovu? They should have at least let him explain! He didn't kill Simba,AND he avenged his death...If he would have told the truth immediately this entire situation could have been avoided.
| mizu scarlet chapter 11 . 5/30/2013
kovu u dick you left simba behind to rot
| mizu scarlet chapter 10 . 5/30/2013
you bitch zira you killed simba.
walks up to shembre
and you let her
| mizu scarlet chapter 2 . 5/30/2013
uh oh . how much of that did you heat tanga
| mizu scarlet chapter 1 . 5/30/2013
wow. just wow .i love your story and your art
| readsmanyfavsfew chapter 39 . 5/28/2013
Sorry for the late reveiw! I was attacked by finals. Barely lived.
The Chaka chapter was very abrupt, and not in the sense that it was short. I suppose jarring would be a better way to put it. Everytime he made a rash decision he'd chastise himself for it. Which is fine, but it got rather noticeably repetitive when he did it more than three times in the span of a few paragraphs. A good way to put it is like he's walking nose first into a wall, shaking his head, and walking straight into it again. I get the challenges that this particular chapter had to establish though, he had to go from murder kovu on sight mode into reluctant trust really rapidly, and there probably isn't a way to write that without it feeling abrupt. And for a look inside chakas head during a stressful situation, this was really indicative of how instinct bloodlusty he can get. Still, I felt like the changes his character were going through just felt...obvious. Obvious enough to be apparent to the reader, but not to him. It could do with a tiny bit slowing down, or Atleast smoothing out.
Timon and Pumba make an appearance! And a tired, depressed lion cub of royalty has found a way into their oasis.
Ah, I kid. Still I don't know if I mentioned but almost every character could make do with a little Hakuna matata in this story, though I don't think the song and montage would very much fit the tone of the story. Still, now that kiara has met up with tanga things can finally start to tie together an- oh you're just running of- really? Not even a wor- well okay then.
I seriously doubt a mother separated from her cub for weeks, not knowing if she was alive or not, would much care about the child's feelings before making sure they were okay. Let alone turn tail and run. Still kiara is apparently super in tune with the emotions of those around her, except that one time she trampled over kovu, so she can have a pass for being able to understand super condensed emotions with a look in the eyes.
Finally onto, Asuma. The desperation and dehydration is really apparent, and its easy to get the feeling that hes literally festering in that tree, and starting to go delusional. Staring at that river is probably torture, and he sure as hell shows it.
Really though, my favorite part was his memory of kovu. I don't think I've made it a secret that their father son relationship is what I find most fascinating about the story, and that a scene so natural as a father protecting his son could somehow feel so strange yet so correct is really quite something. Kovu displaying open love for Asuma is just brilliant, especially as it comes to Asuma now to contrast his current feelings. Now what's next? A memory of when Asuma displayed love for Kovu? Examining a less story based element i was particulalrly impressed with the description of the scorpion. You really just built the image perfectly from the aether of vagueness that a child would examine something.
Anyways, can't wait for the next chapter! Which is hopefully soon.
I've been listening to a song recently and it kinda absolutely perfectly describes Kovu with every lyric, almost scarily. I'm reminded of Just beneath the surface every time I hear it. Id like to share It with you if thats cool, you've probably hEard it, its a bit popular.
| Emerald dreamer96 chapter 14 . 5/10/2013
Just started reading this story, it's addictive so sad, Kovu really messed up but it was understandable until he made a conscious decision to cover it up he's pretty good at rationalising it.
You really are great at portraying them in character.
| Zero Unit RGB chapter 39 . 5/8/2013
I've forgotten how great this story was! How you apply the title of your story to just about every character instead of one or two like most writers. And it just seems so hard to imagine that things can resolve themselves in just a couple more chapters. Man, I feel like I haven't heard from you in a while.
| tmh1022 chapter 39 . 5/6/2013
whoa...i just got addicted to this story 2 nights ago...finally caught up...you're very talented...i haven't felt this close to crying from sadness in nearly 1.5 yrs...specifically the part when Asuma told Tanga he refused to call Kovu "father"...i forget what chapter that was...anyways keep up the good work...
I will admit though, I couldn't take Chap 34 seriously...and there was one racist comment in it. but i really doubt I have any right to critique.
Lol, funny part is I've been working on a lion king fanfic of my own...almost published it until I started to read yours. I think mine is too similar, so now there's no point in me having an account...*facepalm*