Reviews for After Lucy's Death Double Dee's Story
Mr.Awesomepants chapter 1 . 11/1/2012
Man Matfix this is weak for starters it went by so fast. One minute Double Dee was moping over lucy's death and tries to kill himself the next minute Asa shows up out of nowhere and yelling at Double Dee to prevent him from killing himself. Also if Asa is gonna sleep naked should'nt Double Dee take off his own clothes so he and Asa could have sex I mean just having Asa sleep naked in Double Dee's bed is just weak she should be giving Double Dee some pussy considering he try to kill himself.
Thehonestcritic chapter 1 . 8/25/2012
It's a intersting concept for the aftermath of Dark Bloody Report with the whole suicidal thing with the Eds because of Lucy's death but there are some issues here I'll start with Double Dee's story. It's seems that your trying to show Double Dee at his breaking point with Lucy dead Double Dee loses the reason for living and attempts to take his own life. That's all fine and dandy but this story is rushed besides the lack of quotation marks you made some spelling errors the scene feels rushed Double Dee looks at the photo oh and the other issue here is when was the picture taken I get that they each have a photo of her in their room but in Dark Bloody Report there wasn't one scene where they had their picture taken.

The other issue here is for a suicidal hurt/comfort fic it feels bland there isn't really much to it that would make a person shed a tear or feel sympathy for the character I get that Double Dee had a friendship with Lucy aka Keade but because Dark Bloody Report was rushed there was barely any character development between the two especially since in this story revealed that Double Dee had feelings for Lucy but the problem is that in Dark Bloody Report Double Dee didn't do much with Lucy that would show a romantic relationship between the two.

The last issue is the ending I get that Asa was trying to comfort Double Dee considering that in this story she's a god which would probably make her an angel but what was deal with her taking off her komono there really isn't a reason for it unless Asa was going to give Double Dee sexual comfort which would be fine if you pull it off right which might make Double Dee feel alot better since in this story Double Dee has given up on living and due to the fact that he's still partly tramatized by Marie Kanker's attempted rape scene which you explained in Big Picture Show True Ending but in the story Asa is just sleeping naked just for the heck of it Double Dee is a teenage boy and even during the dispair he was nervious when she stripped naked you might as well have Double Dee take off his clothes and sleep naked with her it feels more natural I get you don't want to add any sex scenes but Asa could've just slept in her komono then again it might be uncomfortable. Hopefully when you finish the rewrite of Dark Bloody Report you rewrite this story along with the other two and make them a little more dramatic.
the boogeyman chapter 1 . 2/17/2012
I wonder what double D would think when Asa took off her clothes and double D would say ifher breast are sanitary