|Reviews for The Ranger's War|
| Ad Gloriam Dei chapter 10 . 9/23/2010
Thank you for you extensive reply! It's nice to hear back from someone I've reviewed. Since you said you don't mind, here's a few more grammar and spelling corrections. I hope you were serious about this not bugging you, cause if you weren't, you're going to be bugged soon.
First paragraph"...as if his mind WAS trying..." Should be "as if his mind were..."
First paragraph"...thought caused an adrenaline..." You may wish to put 'rush' after adrenaline. Otherwise, it's a little odd. I've never heard of an adrenaline before.
Paragraph seven Awwww, you added Alyss! How sweet!
Paragraph thirteen "...and placed a hand on HER shoulder..." I assume you meant 'his' shoulder, unless she was placing her hand on her own shoulder, which would be a wierd detail to mention.
Paragraph eighteen "...She sat down. Some of her rage..." You should probably put a comma between 'down' and 'some'. Or you could put "some of her rage WAS vented.
Paragraph twenty You have two 'and's. You could try putting a period after 'Will nodded', or put 'slipping' instead of 'slipped', thereby eliminating one of the 'and's.
Paragraph twenty-one "...Tiger, had..." Unnessary comma.
| runningcrazy4EVER chapter 10 . 9/23/2010
very nice next chapter! worth the wait! I read it kinda fast because I have homework breathing down my neck, but I did not notice any spelling or grammar problems! nice! Halt's injuries and shoulder and all sounded fine, nicely done. I want to say update soon, but I know that is not always possible, so I will ask that the next chapter be just as good as the previous ones, and get it up whenever.
| SirWalsingham chapter 10 . 9/23/2010
Great chapter. The man returning from the dead is something that I really like.
There were to strange things:
- If you shoot an arrow with full force in a tree, is it then still usable.
- /\./\./\./\./\./\ ?
| 221b-whovian chapter 10 . 9/23/2010
It's okay, Will! Halt is okay! He's going to help you save the world!
| RoMythe chapter 10 . 9/23/2010
Me too! I can;t wait for next chap! Only one question: Was Breadon really that stupid to leave Halt behind? I mean, how did he nto know Halt's still alive? Furthermore, I love it!
| am80951 chapter 10 . 9/22/2010
Dislocated shoulders really do suck. :P
The whole /\ . /\. /\. /\. /\. /\. thing for time/viewpoint changes was a little distracting, but overall it was a good chapter to add onto. :)
| Rydd Rider chapter 10 . 9/22/2010
Good chapter. I liked it. I really appreciate how you censor curse words in a way that still shows the characters' character but still keeps the story clean. _ I don't think any other story does that. Keep up the excellent writing!
| Ad Gloriam Dei chapter 9 . 9/21/2010
I couldn't review this chapter, I was so caught up in it! Please, tell me there will be more!
| Ad Gloriam Dei chapter 8 . 9/21/2010
Sorry, I must be irritating you with this continual note making of typos. If you are at all annoyed by this, feel free to tell me so.
"...rather like a dust storm, like the one in Arrida,..
Need quotation mark at the end.
"...Tired horses to gallop. The..."
Needs 'y' at the end of 'the'.
"The clutched with trembling hands..." I think 'third' needs to be inserted here.
"the three rangers position.." Needs a possession mark thingy (I forget the name) Between 'ranger' and 's'.
"waited a heartbeat before half running.." Needs a comma before 'half'.
WHAT! HALT KILLED ABELARD! WHAT KIND OF A DEPRESSING !&$($&* () &( PLOT TWIST IS THIS? NOOOOOOOO! ABELARD CAN'T DIEEEEEEE!
| Ad Gloriam Dei chapter 7 . 9/21/2010
A few suggestions:
"Halt reached for his bow, he had decided." Try putting a semicolon there, to make it more clear. "..for his bow; he had decided."
The fake ranger was too close to the camp, there was...
Try a period between 'camp' and 'there'. Otherwise it looks like a run-on sentence.
I liked the fourth paragraph. "only one thing stopped him from SHOOING." I'm glad he didn't shoo. LOL
comma between 'hood' and 'revealing'.
Good job. This chapter ended with much more suspense than several of those previous. I hadn't even HEARD of Celtica before!
| Ad Gloriam Dei chapter 6 . 9/21/2010
Again, well done! You missed a quotation mark at the beginning of the "We still know that he sent spies.." sentence, but besides that, I didn't see any other typos, or anything that could be improved a whole lot. Thanks for editing the bad words. I don't mind knowing they're there, because that's realistic, but I'd rather not have to read them. I liked the password. Do you do any dancing from which came the inspiration for that password?
| Ad Gloriam Dei chapter 4 . 9/20/2010
When Halt is insulting Braedon, He says "know attacking.." It should be "now attacking"
He angrily fought the guard, and emotion welling.." Probably "welled" would be better.
Cool "cliffie" as you say. Are you going to explain how the king got killed? That would be really sad. I like, excuse me, liked Duncan.
| Ad Gloriam Dei chapter 3 . 9/20/2010
Ok, There are just a few suggestions. First paragraph"Halt FELL strangely..." should be "Halt felt"
Fifth paragraph "Until he decided to escape, that is." You should probably put,"that WAS", since this is all in the past tense, and is is present.
Ninth paragraph" Halt had fallen to many times he had lost count"
"so" would probably be better than "to", or you could put," too many times to count."
seventeenth paragraph "If Braedon was training a whole group OR rangers.." "of rangers.."
Hibernian is ancient Roman for Ireland. From what I could research, in Old Enlish it means "Son of Bradden from the wide(or dark) valley. In Irish it means "Salmon", or "Son of Salmon". I'd stick with the English version.
| Ad Gloriam Dei chapter 2 . 9/20/2010
Yes! This is exactly what fan fiction should be! Intriguing, heart pounding, and very cool. Bits of it are still a little rough in places ( Talking about the leader"Especially IN since", the in doesn't really belong), but all in all, very interesting storyline, very well written.
| xxDodo chapter 9 . 9/15/2010
Yes! That was for Abelard! *fist pump* Kay, with that outta the way, I wouldn't have stopped reading if you'd killed Halt (it's that good), but I am glad you did't. :)
I only found two mistakes though: When you said Halt threw his knife at Braedon, later in the same chapter you then wrote that the arrow flew over his head...I think you meant knife though. And in the second line "seen" should be "scene".
This story is still AMAZING! It's a really cool idea and I wanna see another speedy update pretty please with Halt on top!
Halt: But I'm dead
Me: NOOOOO, storm only made it seem like that so the drama would add up, but Will and Aileen think you're dead so we can witness Will's upsetness while you get up to your strange tricks and save the day so everybody believes you're alive again. Kay?
Woah, that was loooong! See how much I want you to update?