|Reviews for The Dark Between The Stars|
| Day of the Wolf chapter 1 . 10/14/2011
| Renegone chapter 1 . 1/4/2011
This was the perfect compliment to the ingame cutscene. Loved it. :)
| Decantate chapter 1 . 12/10/2010
Beautifully done! The perfect quote to match the piece. I loved especially the beginning part, where he first saw her. Thank you for writing this!
| hadchan chapter 1 . 11/27/2010
That surely was a great idea to take the original scenario. I enjoyed having Thane and Shepard points of view.
The quotation was kind of perfect. It reminded me of the one EDI made about Legion. Except that yours was much more poetic !
Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you for this beautiful fiction !
| where is it chapter 1 . 10/18/2010
where is the rest
| Paladins chapter 1 . 10/3/2010
A very good story. You are wonderful at writing emotions. I was dismayed when I saw this was the only story you'd written as of yet.
| WordTree chapter 1 . 9/2/2010
Hot damn. This was beautifully written and excellently carried out. You've got everyone's favorite assassin down to a T, and it was wonderfully heart-wrenching to read your descriptions of his emotions. The quote from Isaiah at the end was genius.
| Lucidique chapter 1 . 9/1/2010
As a tried and true Garrus fangirl, I almost felt guilty for enjoying this so much. Your writing is beautiful and eloquent and frankly, it just makes me sick with jealousy. XD Haha. The Bible verse was just absolutely perfect for this piece. Bravo to you. ) Just don't tell the Turian, okay? He won't be happy with me.
| AtlanteanAngel chapter 1 . 8/31/2010
Cindal, well done. I really love how the verse ties in Thane's religious view of Shepard... but borrows from a human religion to do so. Also, I think its placement is just fine; at the precise moment of the kiss. (Which, in this case, is symbolizing the coal from the verse, and Shep is the angle of God.)
You asked for advice, so I have one thing to add. In the last section of the story you jump back and forth between Shepard and Thane's point of views, which can be confusing. Unless you are very clear with this type of jumping around, it's usually better to stick with one POV per story section (the way you did with the first two partitioned sections of the story). This isn't a hard and fast rule, and I can kinda see that you wanted this last section to be BOTH of their pov's ... but it's just something to consider.
| LRWade chapter 1 . 8/30/2010
Beautifully written. You captured the scene well.
I think the quote should come after the final paragraph, it seems a bit disjointed where it is.
| kiwibliss chapter 1 . 8/30/2010
So many lovely turns of phrase in this. My particular favorite is: "Pain etches her marble façade, eyes rimming red. "What am I?" she asks. It is the question of a child from within the beating heart of the statue. I catch the tear before it falls, its warmth spreading through my thumb where I caress her cheek. She is the goddess turned flesh, and touching her is like touching the sun." The inner dialogue from both Thane and Shepard's perspective gave the scene real depth and feeling; there is nothing particularly skeezy or meaningless about the scene on it's own, but understanding the compulsion from both of their perspectives made it sweeter.
I love "Ruthless" Shepard's, especially when they aren't just straight up renegade assholes. The events on Torfan could have been perpetrated by a number of different people with varying beliefs; your Shepard's rational and reaction make her a real person, instead of a gun-toting jerk. I'm a complete and total sucker for characters seeking some sort of redemption, and it seems that your Shepard is gunning for that. Her regrets regarding her past probably resonate with many people; we all have regrets, even if our actions haven't been on the same scale as Shepard's.
I am also a grumpy person when it comes to game dialogue in fic, but you use it to the story's advantage rather than just repeating the scene by rote. It flows into the story naturally, even the cheesy "Be alive..." line. I think it takes some skill to make that work!
| MyFix chapter 1 . 8/30/2010
You really have a talent for this
Thane's thoughts just brought the whole thing together nicely for me. It really makes the story, I think.
And you descriptions!
Your vocabulary is excellent!
Each part is thoughtfully put together and presented well.
Also, I LOVED the verse!
It fits perfectly
I look forward to any future writing from you!
| ghost.713 chapter 1 . 8/29/2010
Okay, first of all, your grasp of language and vocabulary is EXCELLENT. It doesn't feel forced, or purple, like so many other writers. It feels very natural. Very suiting to the characters.
You entangle their lines of thought in a way that is so fluid and organic. Thane's thoughts are filled with that special kind of darkness, the complex lines all wrapping together in this steely thread that is so... very him. He's troubled. And you seal these scenes with powerful lines, like
"The gods were silent."
Love it. LOVE IT.
I also love your Shepard, how she's a Ruthless. How this has, through various sundry turns of fate, become her identifier. I think the Ruthless background has room for so much promise - it's one of the more unorthodox, character-driven backgrounds, IMO.
Normally I don't like it when people use dialog from the game, at least in sizable quantities, but that's because people usually Do It Wrong. You did not Do it Wrong. You led in to the dialog with patterns of thought that were along the same wavelength, so I didn't feel jarred when I started in on the borrowed lines. It felt, again, organic. The fact that you add in personal touches, like Thane's thoughts, further brings things together.
And man, my favorite thing has to be the verse you used. PERFECT. How did I not think of that? Just... perfect, brilliant imagery.
I know this was just one piece, and not lengthy, but you did such a great job with it. I am seriously hoping to see more from you. Pretty please? Your grasp of character is so poignant, and the ME section could use a few more great writers. I also require more things to read.
GET TO IT!
| lyssalu chapter 1 . 8/29/2010
wow, you have a lot of talent! i had no idea :}
i hope you write more - continue this, maybe? there aren't a lot of thoughts on what happens post game, and i'm sure what you would have to offer would be fantastic.
um...you really offer what i'd have to say is my favorite peek into thane's mind. you write in his voice and from his perspective really, really well. this is great.
ahhhh, being inside of the head of a true renegade. i like it. i like your shepard. i've always thought the pairing of a renegade shep and thane kind of odd, but imo, it works better that way. i like the idea of opposites, because i think people so different have important things to learn from each other.
you're good at writing seriousness without overdoing it, which a lot of people are prone to.
so that verse there
and very amazing
i love the tone of this piece a lot
and the implication of sex was very tastefully done and appropriate for this scene
you're damn good at it