|Reviews for What Lies Beneath|
| Guest chapter 3 . 10/7
You have no phuckin idea shit head
| Guest chapter 2 . 10/7
What a load of phuckin shit
| Guest chapter 1 . 10/7
This is bullshit
| Kawells chapter 2 . 6/13/2013
Great story - please write more!
| Durcy chapter 3 . 4/16/2013
This story is awesome. I love Roxton and Marguerite. I'm looking forward to the next chapter. Thanks for writing.
| wonhuhndreadStars chapter 3 . 12/7/2012
LOVE THIS! finish please
| Rikki David chapter 3 . 9/4/2012
good story i like it please update soon :)
| roxtonissexy chapter 3 . 8/9/2012
wow that was good... hope you update soon lol...
| interested chapter 3 . 6/23/2012
It sounds like a great start so far, can't wait for you to continue )
| Galactic Gurl chapter 3 . 6/15/2012
What planet are you on Gemini explorer, because I'm on the Plateau and from here this fic is pretty damn awesome!
Well done Gemima! Keep writing!
| Oldlibrn chapter 3 . 6/13/2012
I was pleased to see that you've started to update your story. I hope you continue.
I'm enjoying it. I think that the jump from a Marguerite back in England with possible amnesia to John waking up in a cave with her unconscious next to him was well done. Just as you start to wonder if she's dreaming, really an amnesiac,etc. you find out that she's in some sort of altered state still somewhere in the Lost World. I'm excited to find out if the whirlpools were somehow caused by Maplewhite.
| Gemini Explorer chapter 3 . 6/5/2012
First, you have the basic writing skills: grammar, spelling, solid dialogue. Your sense of place (setting) is okay, although I never liked those episodes where the Earth opened and they wound up in a whirlpool. (Rolling Eyes Smilie here.)
This soap, pear's? If that's a brand name, capitalize it: "Pear's soap." Like Colt firearms or Twining's tea.
The rub is that in the third chapter, you lost the reader in what looks like an instance of the author having had a few too many drinks! (Laughing Smilie.)
Did Marg. wake with amnesia, forgetting even her escape from the Plateau and her marriage? You went from that image to John waking in a submerged cave, facing Maple White! You need a transition there. Was it left out by accident? Absolutely baffling!
I suggest that this not turn out to be a dream on Marguerite's part. That would be too trite a solution, as I feared it was about to be. Just as you cannot have Roxton yell, "Marguerite!" too often or have her say, "Can this day possibly get any better" very often without seeming trite, you should not have such an obvious and disappointing solution to what was happening.
This badly needs work, and a logical conclusion.
As you may know, I'm a Finn fan so am glad that you mentioned her and had her with George. I hope they'll help M&R get back where they belong. If Veronica stays in the Treehouse, I'll miss her. Like most male viewers, I enjoyed watching Vee and Finn. And both were brave and resourceful members of their group, not just pretty girls.
Really, you need to clean this up and clarify that third chapter and conclude the tale. You have the potential to complete a good story, but it has to be comprehensible and in context.
I do think the Pear's soap added background and period flavor, if that was a well known aromatic soap then. I like to see brands and types of items mentioned, as I can picture/smell/taste them, if I know what they are/were. The guns, animals, cars, etc. in my own stories (all in the Mature-rated Lost World fics) are real and are things that I've seen and/or used. For instance, Twining's teas have been sold since 1706, and I drink them often. That would have been a familiar brand to the TLW explorers. I've owned and shot guns like those on the show, and other types that they may have had in reserve. In fics set off of the Plateau, you can expand the list of what they might be using. Or, say that they got it from a perished expedition, like the one in the episode, "Suspicion". I had Finn acquire a Smith & Wesson .38 and other guns from that deceased group. Marguerite could get refined soap and perfume from such a source, or George could make them. They can sew clothes on Veronica's mother's sewing machine, and Finn designed 21st Century lingerie in my fics.
This can help to flesh out your story and give the characters added depth and complexity. But the main issue is continuity. You must not have jarring gaps in the tale, which make no sense!
I hope this helps. It was well meant. And you can tell a basic story well, if you keep it credible and without jumping around too much without explanations.
Oh: I certainly do agree that Marg. (and Finn!) would have some nightmares. But unless one particular unresolved issue is recurring, I doubt that Marg. would suffer from sleeplessness over them for days at a time.
| daniM chapter 3 . 6/3/2012
I loved it!
| gemma chapter 2 . 12/7/2011
finish it Please
| Guest chapter 2 . 10/9/2011
Really good start! Are you going to update soon?