|Reviews for VA|
| The Infernal Lady chapter 1 . 8/12/2012
Ohh, that was super-interesting! I'm so damn sad you probably won't continue it, though. That first chapter and the summary - 'no way out' - holy shit, this would be fantastic. Man...
I hope everything works out for you, then maybe you'll return to writing. I absolutely love your work.
| aznwhitekid chapter 1 . 1/17/2012
man I gotta say, though it took me 3 tries to read this fanfic because for some reason I just couldn't focus on the blocks of texts in the beginning, when I got past that and actually started reading, I found out that I love this fic! it's got a great, solid beginning and a compelling storyline. what else does an author need? and I love that there's akuroku thrown in too. a bit of axel/roxas lovin' (or lack of) never hurt anyone. ;-)
anyway, I'm hoping you continue this story because it's got potential to be a great one!
| Yarouka chapter 1 . 1/16/2011
This...is really interesting. Even though this first chapter is just the intro to something much bigger, I'm getting the sense that it really will be an adventure like no other. For the characters, for the readers, and for you, of course. I haven't read anything like this in the KH fandom, and the plot so far looks like it's going to be awesome!
I feel like a jerk saying this, because I'm hoping for MaH and HTPD updates too, but I'd love an update soon! I'm looking forward to more of it! Take your time though. :3
| owlpostagain chapter 1 . 10/13/2010
I'm intrigued, I'm amused, I never, ever, EVER read a story that's only one chapter down, but I'll take a gamble here.
| ilovecats86 chapter 1 . 10/11/2010
I'm severely addicted to your stories. I'm kinda eager to see this turned into an original, but I also can't get over how well you write for the KH characters.
As I was reading this chapter, my entire body got drained from reading them trekking through the caves. Hope for more of this soon! Will we be learning what "VA" stands for?
| darthvair65 chapter 1 . 9/30/2010
I'm very curious to see where you go with this! I've always been enthralled by your writing, and the whole idea of aliens and this being spawned from a nightmare is very intriguing. Good luck with this and everything else you're working on :D
| Taste the GoM chapter 1 . 9/17/2010
OH how I have missed you! And while I should be cursing you for getting me hooked on yet ANOTHER story I absolutely can't! It seems like everything you write is GOLDEN and I'm just so in-tuned in what you have so far I EAGERLY await more!
| LiteraryMirage chapter 1 . 9/3/2010
Ahahahaha spelunking and possible aliens! Good times. (I'm also super mature & coherent in the morning)
Aaaaanyroad, I think it's good so far. Also? As much as I love caves and exploring, I reaaally don't think I'd want to be part of this expedition. _ Bad juju going on there.
Looking forward to more!
| Lady Karai chapter 1 . 9/1/2010
Okay, m'dear, because you said in your A/N that this is a fanfic runthrough for an intended original, I'm going to put on my editor's glasses for it which I normally don't bother to do for fanfic. Hope that's okay with you.
My first thought as I started reading is that the paragraphs at the beginning are too long and need to be split up. The first one is okay, but the next three are monsters. Try to think of it as picking up a paperback and reading the first few pages. A huge Block-O'-Text like that is far more likely to scare readers away even if the words are likely to draw them in. Can't draw them in if they're too afraid to read them.
Second, when you do your first revision, you should keep an eye out for your traditional long, phrase-heavy sentences and think about splitting some (not all) of them up. Again, you need to think about accessibility without sacrificing your natural style. Here's an example of one that I think absolutely should be split up into at least two sentences if not three:
"Cloud took a metal pail and went to inspect the water's edge while Tifa helped with the tools, coming back with a bucket full of ice-cold water for washing in, the men gladly stripping their chests bare and scooping handfuls to throw over their faces and under their arms, dripping and huffing while Cid hunched over the prefabricated fire logs and muttered around a toothpick while waving his lighter against the artificial flammables."
I mean, holy crap, that is one long sentence, girl! I've read enough of your writing to know that constructing sentences like this is part of your style, and by no means should you change that, but you should also keep your reader in mind and try to keep your phrasing clear and easy to understand.
As for the rest of it, your power to put the reader in the setting and describe every last detail is yet again evident and amazing. (Karai is so jealous, yes she is.) When you switch out all the KH characters for your own, I would suggest more character detail than what you gave here, but for the known characters what you had was sufficient. Can't comment on plot yet, since it's too early in the story for that.
To finish up, while I'd rather see an update on one of your on-going stories (MAH! MAH!), I can totally understand the desire to put up something for a recent inspiration. Hope my comments helped, and I also hope to hear more from you soon.
| We Have Hearts chapter 1 . 9/1/2010
This is definitely different from the other fics you've written. Aliens? I've never read a fanfic with aliens, so that automatically gives it extra points. And Sora and Roxas are adopted. . .by Ansem? I had to re-read about three times before it sunk But it doesn't seem like their family relationship is all that solid.
Ah, I can already feel the tension (sexual tension) between Axel and Roxas. I'm just waiting for it to explode.D Hmm, I wonder if we'll get to see RikuxSora action too? It seems that the plot is more the central idea though, so that's really cool.
Looking forward to the rest!
| TheSuperBanana chapter 1 . 9/1/2010
If you ever get this published, TELL US, so I can go out and buy it! There just aren't enough fanfics about aliens. Oh, and if you ever need information and/or insporation, I would recomend checking out 'Blind Descent: The Quest to Discover the Deepest Place on Earth' by James Tabor. It's a really good book about actual speluncking
| Miko Maleficus chapter 1 . 9/1/2010
Oooooo, this is all kinds of interesting and different. I like it! I also find myself terribly curious what the title means, exactly. Definitely looking forward to the next chapter!
| mornir-brightflame chapter 1 . 9/1/2010
It's a little ridiculous how much I just love anything you write. Just - everything is like, *right there* in my head when I read it, and I totally feel like I don't need to leave the house for a while because dude, I just went caving, and my pack weighed a shitload and NO AXEL DON'T TOUCH MY FACE WHEN NOT-DAD!ANSEM MIGHT SEE JEEZE I'M GOING TO BED.
..don't judge me. It's your fault that you're awesome.
Thanks much for the read, and obviously I'm looking forward to reading the next installment! :)
| HellzCrusader chapter 1 . 9/1/2010
ah poor axel, he has yet to truly understand that aliens are fun and huggable!
unless they are jabba, or a rankor or daleks...
(but i bet he's more interested in getting some huggables from roxie-boy)
| thegreatwhitewolf chapter 1 . 9/1/2010
Ooh, this is interesting so far. I like the addition of Cloud, Tifa, and Cid. Though I kind of would have liked to see Reno and Rude. But that's just me. I think Cloud and Tifa work just fine too. And then there's Cid, who's always amusing. Hmm, I wonder what's wrong with Roxas and if that's going to play a role later in the story. You'd better not kill him off! Anyway, I can't wait to see where this goes!