|Reviews for Guardian|
| RyuuNoHi chapter 3 . 7/28/2011
First - before I criticize you - I enjoyed reading this, it riveting and fun to read. A completely different take on the whole "freeing Harry before Hogwarts" plotline. Well thought out with the prequel giving the character reason to be here and his development.
Now onto to the criticism - the battle in this chapter with Dumbledore. With the amount of spells Dumbledore is throwing around he had to be a least a 40th level wizard; I mean he cast spells that cost between 450 and 700 spell points - not including whatever else he cast before that during the day. That is a bit over the top forget the preparing of the spells he needed to use; even as a sorcerer it would be hard to know all the high level spells he used.
That is the thing that rubbed me wrong.
Another one is the geas.
I realize that for the sake of the plot John needed to lose, and lose badly, but come on... And the Gate on top of it?
Way, way to much, the gate alone would have been difficult to overcome. Getting back to Harry's plane would've been a entire fiction in itself.
Well atleast if the gate was connected to another plane.
But the geas, that takes one stronger than Dumbledore or wishes and miracles to cure.
I know it is *your* fiction, you know where you are going with it but it just seems to me this is over top.
Hopefully you will clear that up in the next chapter.
Sorry for ranting.
Nevertheless I enjoyed reading this and it prequel and will continue reading your fics.
Best of luck to you.
Ryuu No Hi
| Conu chapter 3 . 7/26/2011
I must say I really enjoyed the prequel. This story ... yes and no. I can see why you are not really happy with it ... the two worlds don't mesh quite right. I think you also got a bit too locked into canon-verse, wrote yourself into a corner? On the other hand this was a very enjoyable read, looking at HP-verse through a different prism and a groovy cast of OCs. Personally I don't think this fic is ready to be scrapped. First couple of chapters were good, the third just opens up a whole tin of worms. Nothing that can't be worked around though.
On a different note the lack of reviews for this are kinda puzzling. Guess the D&D references put people off. Its a shame coz this is a lot better written than most fanfics. Thanks for putting this up and I hope you have another crack at it.
| greed11 chapter 3 . 7/23/2011
Good story. Definitely more serious then the last story. I hope you work on it more.
Just as long as you keep the conversations real...the world possible and the humor coming this story will do great!
| Lousy Poet Automaton chapter 3 . 7/14/2011
Ugh, god. There you go with that over-privileged self-righteous crap again. Really detracts from the amusement value.
Only idiots that don't realize they come from wealthy (relative to the rest of the world) backgrounds say things like standardized education is more of an impediment than an aid in learning. I DARE you to come to a third world country and live in one of the slums among garbage and say that, where sometimes children have to spend twenty minutes swimming from one island to another to go to school. Yeah, see just how many 'home-schooled' kids in 3rd world countries make it to college - see how well your pysch studies with their non-representative sampling apply.
| Luan Mao chapter 3 . 7/14/2011
Not a bad story. In contrast to _DCiC_, which was a romp that didn't take itself too seriously, this is a bit more serious. But you're being too hard on yourself in claiming suckage.
| Sammy Holzbein chapter 3 . 6/19/2011
Again, good story. Dumbledore's just brokenly strong, but that's to be expected for an antagonist. Makes you wonder how powerful Voldemort'd have to be. Would be great to read more of this.
| sadfru chapter 3 . 1/10/2011
HP wasn't what I was expecting but enjoyable read, I will admit to sadness that the style of writing and the 'world' in general isn't the same, still the enjoyable form of a Gary Stueish type formula (a rarity) but I miss pawning he/you gives out...and I don't like Dumbledore in any way shape or form, so not having him being owned from the outset till the finish offends me something fierce.
Looking forward to more or these revisions you where speaking of :)
| Selias chapter 3 . 12/9/2010
This is a really interesting fanfic, and I hope that you keep writing it.
| AnimaLynx chapter 3 . 9/13/2010
You know what?
The premise of this story is actually really good... (Role-playing game style / Self insert? Besides that... ?) I like it!
Although tenses and POV's change (without markers) are kind of confusing? Could use a beta or just a look over. Having some kind of legend or a list of words used, so that the average reader could get their meaning without the use of google!
No offense, I just think the level up (xp) and such will lose some of your audience. Just a thought, unless you have a real reason Boss's Gary-Stu like super OC's...this does turn heads away. Will you give a reason for Boss/John's appearance in this world?
When you get to showing the other crossovers? With so much going on you may miss out on character development. Will Harry gain his voice in the future or will he remain mute? What about spell-casting and how does it affect say will magic?
Well one last thing; [[Details!]]
They are way important and I hope to see you write more and explain more. I know when I posted my story I had too many things happening and so little details explaining them.
Don't just take your work off the net, please write more and keep it going!