|Reviews for Guardian|
| stealacandy chapter 3 . 8/20/2011
Just found this story today, found it interesting. Not so much the self-insert, (and I'm not sure how that D&D magic bit works alongside Potterverse magic, either) but the Harry Potter plot is among the better manipulative!Dumbledore stories. Most just depict him as an idiot whose plots and schemes are easily discovered and foiled or stopped, which is ridiculous, if it were so, he wouldn't have come as far as he have until the protagonists enter the story. So a well-written and convincing manipulative Dumbledore, that isn't outright evil and isn't particularly stupid and can't be easily handled is always welcome.
The only drawback is that you wrote there won't be an update. I adjure you to reconsider.
| Kingdark chapter 3 . 8/20/2011
I was and still am totally confused. You jump straight into the HP 'verse without any form of introduction. It took me a while to realize from who's standpoint you were telling the story.
Though I find this story still very interesting to read. Too bad that you won't be updating this anymore.
| Lord Sia chapter 3 . 8/16/2011
You're one annoying SOB, you know that? Leaving the story there, for shame!
And, really; going back for the stone? Either he shouldn't have left the castle to begin with then, or, he shouldn't have tried at all. Dark 'n Gritty rules says Dumbledore has to be at least moderately competent for his power level - which means bad things if you're going up against fifteen decades something of mastermind and wizard.
| AnFan-n-More chapter 3 . 8/14/2011
I'm interested in finding out where you go with this story. I would imagine that breaking the Geas would involve some side quest that you would probably have to give some page time to. Since you seem to have already involved the Ranma cast earlier, I thought to suggest joining him on a rescue mission for Akane. But then I remembered the mention in your bio that it would need to be crack-themed to prevent a need for serious character development. Have you thought of using the Tenchi Muyo Anime/Manga? I like many of the crossovers with this series (though, avoid the "Tenchi in Tokyo" title). Since Cybertron was destroyed, you might not even have to address it as a space plot hole.
The second Geas would probably prevent him from calling the girls that now have Harry, but he might be able to get around that to talk to the Queen in regards to his being unable to work for her till he gets rid of the Geases. He was never told that he couldn't speak of them (or is that an intrinsic property of a Geas?).
As far as Harry goes, he's probably in fairly good hands. He's got the Gates along with Blaze with him. There's Sirius and Tonks as well. Amelia would support them, though the political arena would probably restrict what she could do or even know about what is happening with them given what Dumbledore said to John.
Anyway, I'm tired and nothing more comes immediately to mind. Hope to see more work on this story.
| AnFan-n-More chapter 1 . 8/14/2011
Okay, after reading the reference to John's relationship with God being repeated as a theme I've firmed up a tentative guess of his last name that came to me during the hospital visit where he mentions his name. Though, since I don't know the history of the character who's last name it is it is only a guess. That name being Constantine. Though I still think you probably haven't really invested in a real last name for him. :)
Nice sequel to your story. The damage to Harry seems extreme, but then again maybe it's the reason he needs John's help. I think that canon Harry could have used the help also.
It's only a guess on my part, one I hope is wrong, but I hope that any unhappiness in your RL can be borne easier by an expression in your prose. Though you should consider the fact that we can become happy by choosing to act happy even with something as consciously smiling at people as they pass. And you should consider Nietzshe's quote "When you look into an abyss, the abyss also looks into you." when you write your stories. I always worry about authors who write dark stories. I should know, look at my one attempt. It's probably why my muse has gone off on vacation. She wants me to write happier stuff.
Again, thank you for sharing your work.
| Josh The Penguin Master chapter 3 . 8/8/2011
Good writing.I actually enjoyed this story more than i was expecting too, much like the one before it.
| irfane chapter 3 . 8/7/2011
Entertaining read, as is the story it succeeds. Though it's under revision, I do have to wonder about two things... If John has faced several psychic combatants, and expects to face a psychic Dumbledore, Snape, and Voldemort... why did he not pick up Mind Blank, psychic turmoil, or some similar spell? He's exhibited that he can cast an AMF (psionic?). Presumably they'd be dispelled in the fight, but overlooking it seems odd.
Secondly, why doesn't he jaunt/teleport/etc. out when Dumbledore fields the disjunctions? You'd think they would break the anti-dimensional travel barriers, and D does cast a Gate shortly thereafter. Though casting those when John's hiding an artifact, and they're both in a huge magical castle seems unwise to begin with.
ok.. make that three things. Geas only lasts for day/caster level, and you can resist it on any given day, with the penalties subsiding the day after you stop resisting it. Is John going to discover that Dumbledore had a custom Geas? That it's really a funky mark of justice? The wording going to lawyer up? It will be interesting to find out.
| Perfect Lionheart chapter 1 . 7/28/2011
Marvelous. Although you are right for some parts of it being weaker than others. Still, you'd promised a revamp, so perhaps I can make some suggestions?
First off, I'd be temped to retitle it "Dungeon Crawling in Hogwarts" or "in England" just to fit the theme of the first better and help other people mentally link it to other parts more easily. Also, a retitle could help you retain your original mood.
Your first arc, in Chicago could hardly have been better. Hard hitting action plus all of the good RPG stuff. If there was a flaw with your second arc, I would place it as switching from "here is my dungeon crawl" to "here is Harry Potter with some minor intercessions by me."
Let me explain how you could change that back: Rather than taking the stance of inserting yourself into Harry Potter canon to make a few changes, which happens all too regularly, view it more as hauling certain HP characters into your dungeon crawl.
Still use all of the background, setting and themes, but if I were a D&D character at Hogwarts I'd practically live in the Forbidden Forest whomping monsters for xp, gearing up in Diagon Alley beforehand, then stopping back at Hogwarts for sleep, classes and food.
Actually, taking a step back, in Chicago you had to do it all, be the whole party yourself. Here is your grand chance not to have to do that anymore. Doctor Lady would love some levels as a Cleric, I am certain. The damsel you rescued wants to be right there on the fighting line beside you. Both could use gestalts to expand their options and obtain some flexibility, I'm certain.
But some HP characters would also love to be leveled up under your guidance. The only thing better than being a powerful wizard is having a half dozen of them guarding your back. Load up Tonks with some Sneak Attack and she'd be scary!
Anyway, lead a party of little midget mages into that forest, or other encounters, and watch them level up! They'd benefit, you'd benefit, everyone wins! (Well, except for Dumbledore, but plot has to come out of somewhere and his interference could be it).
I was a bit shocked you didn't do a massive outfit at the magic shops in Diagon Alley before going, for you or your party. They don't appear to sell standard D&D wands, but the ones they do sell appear to function as Universal Material Components, acting as Eschew Material feats up to 25, 50 or 100gp value depending on the quality of the match (an unmatched wand probably requires a Caster Level check to force it to do a spell).
That was one thing that struck me as amazing in this story, the pairing up of HP to D&D magic systems. Wonderful! Although, clearly it is not a perfect 100% matchup, as Divination is an elective at Hogwarts, and therefore something not all wizards have - as a contrast to D&D, where it is the one school specialists cannot drop.
While we're on the subject of specialists, Conjuration in HP is clearly referenced several times as being part of Transfiguration - this includes battles where transfiguration masters are 'conjuring' walls or shields to block spells, and more interestingly creating monsters via animated transfigurations.
Looking at that, we have two options: we can explain it away, or embrace it. And it seems more fun to embrace it. Perhaps Hogwarts is the premier magic school in the world for a *reason!* And that reason could be... what if it gives you two specialties for the cost of one?
I mean, really, look at their subjects. It's obvious they don't expect more than a few to take Divination, and they don't even teach Necromancy (aka, the Dark Arts), so obviously they are expecting their students, most of them anyway, to be specialist mages. Transfiguration/Conjuration seem to be linked (which would be an awesome dual specialization right there, backed up by the fact that Dumbedore and James Potter and others called 'great mages' took it).
DADA appears to be an Abjuration/Evocation combo, which would leave Flitwick teaching Enchantment/Illusion (not the best fit, but the others are taken). With the teachers probably not only specialists, but Master Specialists in their fields.
Dude, if I could get two specialties for the cost of one, I'd consider that the best school in the world, poor teachers and bullying and all.
Necromancy is probably taught in the basement, in Slytherin-only classes, because both the Killing Curse and Torture curses would belong to that field, and we later see Slytherins casting them. Plus, Snape is an expert on that field (says so).
Work out the mechanics how you like, but probably just easiest to say they get the full advantages of both. They do seem to assume that everyone will want to be a specialist, and that could very well explain why.
Looking at some rather notable wizards, we don't see Dumbledore ever casting a Necromancy spell, so that school is likely banned for him. But we know he can turn invisible (illusion), detect invis (divination - something he appears to do rather a lot of, actually), evocation, transfiguration/conjuration and abjuration are covered with him using all of those in various battles. That leaves only Enchantment to be his second banned school. But since there is a three feat combo to buy back ability to use a banned school, I'd say he's probably used it by now and has only Necromancy banned to him. Dumbeldore as a villain practically demands that he have maxed-out levels in the Mindbender prestige class, using permanent charmed servants (McGonagall, anyone?) to hold down the real work in all of his various positions, so he gets the power and credit while they do all of the work.
Doing a similar rundown on McGonagall, I'd say she banned Divination ("a wooly discipline") and Necromancy (The Dark Arts) at the least, and could even be a Focused Specialist with a third banned school as we never see her touch Illusions. Plus, three extra spells per level for each of the two schools of Conjuration/Transfiguration would be a nigh irresistible draw.
Poppy could be a witch and still cast healing/curing spells with the Domain Granted Power from Complete Champion, where she takes a Cleric domain (such as Healing or Curing) instead of a wizard bonus feat. Since they don't appear to have any hint of religion that is probably how wizards do virtually all of their healing. And it helps flesh out what Potions class should be also. It is one thing to say that it grants Brew Potion as a bonus feat, but then what? Well, if that was the course that *normally* (probably not with Snape in charge) took students down the route of getting that alternate class feature, and picking up Healing and Curing domains, well, then suddenly I can see why that would be a required course for all of their healers and aurors.
Arithmancy is probably where young witches and wizards learn all of their metamagic. And, bearing that in mind, other useful class or alternate class features could be tied to the other courses. Heck, Aparation the way Rowling describes it could be an alternate class feature to the tenth level bonus feat (leaving it the province of more powerful wizards, which she says it is).
Given the progression in ability they show, I'd expect Hogwarts to teach roughly one level of the wizard class per year, and graduate students at about seventh level on average. In fact, if you label that as your 'Acceptable' then each level up would explain where you got your "Exceeds expectations" or "Outstanding" scores (meaning a really good student would graduate at about ninth or tenth level - truly impressive!) and down would work the same, with Poor or Troll grades.
So, massive book-buying spree, some handy haversacks for everyone. Oh, and you personally will want to use the retraining option presenting in PHBII. Most of the time in Chicago you were grasping for immediate power as quickly as possible and missed some long-term benefits, taking two combat classes at the same time, for instance, or two casting classes, when to optimize your build for saves, BAB and HP you'd want the combat class progression down one line and the casting ones down the other.
I'd also seriously pay off the last two levels of Spellwarped, just because your casting is far enough behind your character level as it is. I know you are doing a primarily melee build, or at least that seems to have been your focus so far, so on that line, can I suggest, for your party of little HP character followers at any rate, two levels of Paladin of Freedom (Unearthed Arcana) down one of their own gestalt tracks?
Immunity to compulsion, in a world ruled by mind-controlling mages, seems to be of irreplacible value.
| RyuuNoHi chapter 3 . 7/28/2011
First - before I criticize you - I enjoyed reading this, it riveting and fun to read. A completely different take on the whole "freeing Harry before Hogwarts" plotline. Well thought out with the prequel giving the character reason to be here and his development.
Now onto to the criticism - the battle in this chapter with Dumbledore. With the amount of spells Dumbledore is throwing around he had to be a least a 40th level wizard; I mean he cast spells that cost between 450 and 700 spell points - not including whatever else he cast before that during the day. That is a bit over the top forget the preparing of the spells he needed to use; even as a sorcerer it would be hard to know all the high level spells he used.
That is the thing that rubbed me wrong.
Another one is the geas.
I realize that for the sake of the plot John needed to lose, and lose badly, but come on... And the Gate on top of it?
Way, way to much, the gate alone would have been difficult to overcome. Getting back to Harry's plane would've been a entire fiction in itself.
Well atleast if the gate was connected to another plane.
But the geas, that takes one stronger than Dumbledore or wishes and miracles to cure.
I know it is *your* fiction, you know where you are going with it but it just seems to me this is over top.
Hopefully you will clear that up in the next chapter.
Sorry for ranting.
Nevertheless I enjoyed reading this and it prequel and will continue reading your fics.
Best of luck to you.
Ryuu No Hi
| Conu chapter 3 . 7/26/2011
I must say I really enjoyed the prequel. This story ... yes and no. I can see why you are not really happy with it ... the two worlds don't mesh quite right. I think you also got a bit too locked into canon-verse, wrote yourself into a corner? On the other hand this was a very enjoyable read, looking at HP-verse through a different prism and a groovy cast of OCs. Personally I don't think this fic is ready to be scrapped. First couple of chapters were good, the third just opens up a whole tin of worms. Nothing that can't be worked around though.
On a different note the lack of reviews for this are kinda puzzling. Guess the D&D references put people off. Its a shame coz this is a lot better written than most fanfics. Thanks for putting this up and I hope you have another crack at it.
| greed11 chapter 3 . 7/23/2011
Good story. Definitely more serious then the last story. I hope you work on it more.
Just as long as you keep the conversations real...the world possible and the humor coming this story will do great!
| Lousy Poet Automaton chapter 3 . 7/14/2011
Ugh, god. There you go with that over-privileged self-righteous crap again. Really detracts from the amusement value.
Only idiots that don't realize they come from wealthy (relative to the rest of the world) backgrounds say things like standardized education is more of an impediment than an aid in learning. I DARE you to come to a third world country and live in one of the slums among garbage and say that, where sometimes children have to spend twenty minutes swimming from one island to another to go to school. Yeah, see just how many 'home-schooled' kids in 3rd world countries make it to college - see how well your pysch studies with their non-representative sampling apply.
| Luan Mao chapter 3 . 7/14/2011
Not a bad story. In contrast to _DCiC_, which was a romp that didn't take itself too seriously, this is a bit more serious. But you're being too hard on yourself in claiming suckage.
| Sammy Holzbein chapter 3 . 6/19/2011
Again, good story. Dumbledore's just brokenly strong, but that's to be expected for an antagonist. Makes you wonder how powerful Voldemort'd have to be. Would be great to read more of this.
| sadfru chapter 3 . 1/10/2011
HP wasn't what I was expecting but enjoyable read, I will admit to sadness that the style of writing and the 'world' in general isn't the same, still the enjoyable form of a Gary Stueish type formula (a rarity) but I miss pawning he/you gives out...and I don't like Dumbledore in any way shape or form, so not having him being owned from the outset till the finish offends me something fierce.
Looking forward to more or these revisions you where speaking of :)