|Reviews for The Good Fight|
| Guest chapter 1 . 5/12/2013
so yeah um man i know it has already been said but dude this is awful and secondly doesn't belong on . i can say for certain that this story has absolutely nothing to do with any of the variations of starship troopers this is an original story that should be on not this site. secondly while your writing itself is actually not that bad compared to some (i.e. you use pretty good grammar not many spelling errors.) your chapters are way to short and lack enough description to actually tell us anything. in the span of three thousand words you tell a story that spans probably like 6 years or so yeah that doesn't work at all. Your chapters actually are like something that was written in someone's diary or journal which could be interesting but only as a lead in or exit from an actual chapter. Your characters also lack any real well to put it bluntly character no pun intended. I honestly can't say i know anything about any of these characters outside of what your lead tells us which is not much. That and you blatantly said that they were based off you and your friends which is a big no no in the writing community it is extremely unprofessional and even if it is well done which in this case it is not people will still probably hate them. I know this fic is a couple of years old so i am sure you were pretty young and inexperienced of a writer so i can't be too hard on you but seriously learn from the mistakes you made in this story and learn how to correct them. The concept of this story seems like it could be interesting if it had been better written and much much MUCH longer and if it was on fictionpress where it belongs but as of know it doesn't belong here and should honestly be taken down.
| Chris7221 chapter 1 . 12/19/2011
I'm not going to sugarcoat it, this story is terrible.
First, it's a self insert, and that immediately rings alarm bells in my head. Don't get me wrong, there ARE self-inserts that are well done. They're just few and far between. Most of the time, self-inserts end up centered around a very Sue/Stu version of the author. This fic is no exception. The characters all seem like extremely idealized versions of yourselves. Despite a real basis, they seem fake and boring.
This isn't helped by the extreme brevity and general lack of quality. The entire fic is three thousand words. That's fine for a short one or two scene oneshot, usually emotional or humourous. This story isn't like that. It's a big, epic tale of a group of soldiers in an intergalactic war. It could fit uncomfortably into eighteen chapters. However, we have very different definitions of "chapter". Each of these is barely over a paragraph. The obvious result is a story that isn't a story so much as a summary of a story. Virtually nothing is described in any sort of depth and almost everything is glossed over.
I suppose one could consider this stylistic- the journal of a soldier, or somesuch. However, that doesn't really fit either. At the end, it is made clear that the protagonist becomes a general in charge of the army, though the why and how is not made clear. The memoirs of a notable officer would probably be longer and more eloquent than what is presented here. Though the style could work if done right, it's not done right in this case and comes off as an atrocious style of writing.
The last, but definitely most critical, flaw in this story is that is simply makes no sense whatsoever. That sounds pretty elementary, and I'm going to expand on it. First off, although I can't speak for the cartoon, this story bears almost no resemblance to either the book or movie in plot or setting. Things need to be explained, not merely pushed on the reader. What's the Galactic Union? Who are the Muldine? What's the situation on Earth? Linking back to the extreme brevity described above, nothing is explained in sufficient depth and leaves the reader thoroughly confused.
It seems this fic was written as an earnest attempt to be good, and the concept is workable. However, as it stands it is simply terrible. In a nutshell, it is lacking in depth. Action needs to be described better, and the background needs to be explained in more detail. The entire fic should be between ten and a hundred times longer to accommodate the story within.
By no means should you stop writing. Keep trying. The first few fics you write will suck, but they will start getting better. My best advice to you is to think things through before you write.
| Capt.Freedom chapter 1 . 12/27/2010
tho this story is based around your friends it could have had so much more done with it in details and everything but that's just MHO. but good over all.
| GhostXII chapter 1 . 9/5/2010
great story bro
| MythicElf chapter 1 . 9/5/2010
Cool story Frank I hate u for not letting me read it earlier am I li'l bit?