|Reviews for Intertwined|
| Shinju Angel chapter 1 . 12/26/2012
rewrite it please!
| 9shadowcat9 chapter 17 . 10/16/2010
XD Don't worry Mello! I read your book!
| Amani Hershel chapter 11 . 10/14/2010
Aw actually having had him built things depending on what Matt's course of action was going to be was so sweet. You mangle my heart with this as it's little things that are either aw it's so sweet oh that's so sad, and it's so up and down you make me feel like I should be on Lithium while reading this haha. The entire fact of Matt having to refer to Near as 'The Other One'- so freaking sad.
The idea of having Near name them after these kids were interesting and I really liked the OCD/obsessive qualities you gave them.
And Near taking the photo, that bastard- but you do such a good job on matching it up with cannon.
| Amani Hershel chapter 10 . 10/14/2010
I will be cookieless as I missed the big Clue D:
The fact that Matt /knows/ the end makes the entire scene extremely bitter sweet. I loved how objective it was with them having sex while doing the little question game- when he nearly cries at being asked how much he still loves Mello it's just so saddening cause you know he is going to lose both of them.
Gah and now I am like brain wracking over the clue that you have hidden in here, because I understand that the caring about you won't ask you to do anything...and so I wondered if that was a connection to Mello's letter asking him to understand but...NERG
Also the fact that you added the character trait of Near averting his gaze when he was uninterested or angry was a really interesting thing to add in, and the fact that it was the agreement of it basically being over, but they did hold each other and both of them crying- man you are a glutton for making your readers sympathize with these characters to a painful level!
Also I have to ask. The final question Near asked- was it if he loved him?
This was a really good chapter that had a lot of information in it despite it being rather short, but you got to the point and made very good use of your words. Just two things from a nit-picky standpoint. Typically you space when you have a new speaker and at some points the lack of spacing or having someone say something two lines down can make it a little confusing as to who is talking. It's not that big of a hassle to decipher, but maybe something to consider. And also you've already uploaded (And I know I wouldn't be bothered to do so) but in case you are one of the people who like to know, there was a small error:
Every one of his questions was throwing me off. (I think was should were since questions is plural)
Really nice chapter :)!
| Amani Hershel chapter 9 . 10/14/2010
The introduction of you having Mello writing the novel shows how much you know about Death Note- I really would have just over looked that. Now having not read the book I don't know if the I AM L is cannon or something clever you came up with, but it was really damn clever. I caught on to it; however, I think you were wise in having Mello belittle the readers and /literally/ spell it out- as I am sure there are lots of readers who would not be able to catch it sadly. And detached Near makes me sad things were going nearly normal for Matt and him but I am glad the picture came back and everything and by the way fuck the people who only read the first chapter they probably were just looking for fap material or wouldn't be able to appreciate a good plot line if it slapped them aside the face with its dick :
| Amani Hershel chapter 8 . 10/14/2010
I like how you made there be conflict with Near becoming L and just not. OH YAY LOOK I'M L YAAAAY! The entire idea you had running with Roger all but hanging it over his head was a really interesting direction to go in, and Near being smart with the contract was really a interesting angle.
One thing I really enjoy about this story is the mere fact that you take things in directions and have the characters do things I would never even think of and then when it happens the reader has to take a step back and be like 'Oh wow that worked really well and wasn't an overly predictable action'
Also this was a really nice transition into introducing how Rod and Mello met up, and bad Mello using his chemistry to make evil things :/ Also I am glancing over the chapters as I review each just to remember what happened in each- and I missed it but the fact you had someone take advantage of Mello back when he was trying to pawn off the airport stuff. That made me sad, and just how /easily/ he took it made me sad for him D:
| Amani Hershel chapter 7 . 10/14/2010
Near: I use that term because I respect Matt. You can just rim me, cockfiend.
This was hilarious, and having been as engrossed with this fic as I was( mind you I listened to this in one sitting) It was like a cute intermission XD
| Amani Hershel chapter 6 . 10/14/2010
I like how you made Near not completely frigid and actually have an admittance in regards to his feelings- but right after that remained to keep him objective.
And dear God the class names you think up for Wammy's is hilarious, and communication through DS! That shit is ingenious. Like seriously when I was reading/listening to this the first time through I was just like- really! Why have I never through to commit crimes via this method haha. Matt's giddiness of being a spy is highly amusing.
| Amani Hershel chapter 5 . 10/14/2010
You write smut extremely well. I feel like in this fandom writers tend to be a little more reliant just on what is physically happening, but the small banter you give between Matt and Mello and the entire segment of Mello calling him a fag while they are having sex and then going to denying giggling and even blushing was wonderful. The condom bit was hilarious, and dear God thank you for actually having them have safe sex. I feel as though it's such and over looked thing, and with us, the readers, knowing that this was in the past it makes the entire repeated regret of not having the lights on really poignant. I felt that though this was a great little smut it wasn't just pointlessly thrown in because we got to see more of how they had been together, as well as Mello's remorse. It made me very sad that Mello was dumb and had left D:
I also liked how smokeing and chocolate were their seconday addictions. You have really nice subtle things throughout this fic that I love. The entire segment of composure on a cruise was great and Matt's fumbeling and what not.
You write interactions really well and the (side notes of what Near wanted) made it seem more frantic and confused from Near's POV which set a really good tone.
And Matt the Secret Agent Man :D
This was a really good chapter :)
| Amani Hershel chapter 4 . 10/14/2010
Oh motives. I liked how it opened with the puzzle analogy and gave a bit more introduction to what you are doing with the plot. The information sprinkled in with smut worked really well. I was really interested to see you standing so close to the cannon and still having a base underlying plot line as aside to this just being smut. I always like it when people choose to fill in blanks about their past- so Mello was great to see. And the line about the world not being able to handle great people made me so sad. You really do have some great writing in this as far as getting into the character's minds.
Everything with Near's point of veiw was great, from the entire objectifying everything that was going on (including) sex to the transition to him borderline manipulating Matt to being all unsure of his motives. Arrogant little bastard. I tend not to be all to fond of Near as he is so 'blank', but you really give him a great background as a character.
| Amani Hershel chapter 3 . 10/14/2010
Oh Matt character development! What a rare sight and I am glad to see someone using it. Also the entire mix messaging between the two of them not talking was great to see play out. I think one of the things I really like about your writing style is that fact you are able to write well in forms of vocabulary, sentence variety, and explanations; however, you still manage to tailor it to each character.
And Mello being a classy little shit was of course wonderful XD
| Amani Hershel chapter 2 . 10/14/2010
I like how the kiss sort of eased in as compared to the majoring of MattxNear where pointless sex just tends to come about _
The entire segment with Mello had a lot of indirect characterization with him assuring himself they missed him more and then to even write and not send them (lol penis for Near). I think you write really well for him.
Also again referring to the previous thing on the process of Matt and Near having their interaction I greatly enjoyed how you had Near constantly thinking and theorizing as this is very in character. Also the way you established what Near's opinion of Mello and his relationship had been was really well done.
| Amani Hershel chapter 1 . 10/14/2010
So I am a lazy college student and tend to just put things on a textreading site and throw it on my ipod to listen to while studying. This was a great story and I was very disappointed to hear through your author's notes that people weren't giving this great fic enough loving and so I intend to do just that.
First off. I was really glad to see someone take on the entire idea of showing these three characters as having a certain bond, and that when Mello left it greatly disrupted it. I really enjoy the switch of POV and how you have a definite voice for each character.
The entire portion with Near apologizing is a perfect level of awkwardness. And the Mello abuse made me very amused, I also like how you just flat out addressed the entire 'mind readers' idea so it could be set they knew people were knowing their thoughts :)
| 9shadowcat9 chapter 16 . 10/14/2010
...All I got from that was Near commited suicide and had a daughter. Bit of advice, NAME'S HELP DAMMIT!
| MostlyxShortxStories chapter 1 . 10/7/2010
Loved it :] the Matt and Near pairing was weird and new to me, since I'm so used to Matt and Mello. But I enjoyed reading it. It's too bad you don't have more reviews, kuz this one rocks!