You certainly mastered the particular brand of "creepy" that is Edward Cullen. What a jackass.

"sorry excuse for a mosquito" 10/10 best Cullen insult I've read so far

Also if that nightmare is legit something you experienced... yowza. My sympathy. :o

OH GOD DON'T REMIND ME ABOUT NEVER FINDING OUT ABOUT EMBRY'S FATHER I LITERALLY REPRESSED MY ANGER ABOUT THAT UNTIL NOW DON'T MAKE IT COME BACK TO LIIIIIFFFEEE

(too late...)

Aaaaand cue Vicky arriving just in time for Jacob's momentary lapse in guardian-ship. Bc of course.

Also... was... was "moonglow" a Terraria reference? Bc if she just called TERRARIA a hack-n-slash I'd crack a rib laughing.

Oh my godddddd, I think I'M going to have breaks in sanity just as a READER. The Romeo and Juliet is what did it. God, I fucking hate RJ with a burning passion, it's not fucking romantic at all, they're both idiots who knew each other for like three days and had hilariously terrible critical thinking skills, and anyway it was supposed to be a tragedy even if they ARE idiots, but of course Bella motherfucking Swan would quote it. Of course she would. Of course!

It's 3:06 AM and I'm slightly hysterical, if you can't tell.

I'm also mad because the Bella Swan-ness is too much for my poor brain to handle (I actually seriously have a headache) BUT THE BACKGROUND CHARACTERS are written so much better than in canon? and? I want to keep reading for more of them. That was always the curse that drug me back to Twilight, the bg chars could be so compelling sometimes. Imagine how wonderful they could have been if not written by Meyer!

Mother of god.

"-though girlfriend was such a blase, hackneyed term for what Edward had been. There wasn't a word in any language for what we'd been."

Congratulations. This is the single most eye roll-inducing, soul enraging, exasperating line I have ever read in any fanfic, from any fandom, which means you have done exactly what you set out to do in mimicking Meyer. Holy fuck. I haven't read the books in at least 6 years but this just flipped a switch in my mind and reminded me why I hate Bella Swan on a molecular level of my being. This is the single most "why I hate Twilight" line I've ever read.

Astounding. I'd applaud you, but I'm too busy trying not to have a coronary.

Holy fuck. I finally started this and I'm in rolling laughter from your ANs. I'm so used to skipping ANs in old, long-completed fics so I keep automatically clicking next chapter and then immediately backpedaling to go read your snark. The "easternmost" rant is what finally cracked the laughter out of me at 2:37 AM this saturday. I had to hide my face behind my calculator, I'm supposed to be doing homework right now lmfao.

I am... ashamed to admit I used to not think there was anything wrong with canon Twilight - indeed, even liked it - but I plead immaturity... I read Breaking Dawn in the 5th grade (and was scarred towards intimacy for LIFE. I'm so sad this isn't even an exaggeration; sex and pregnancy never terrified me like they did after reading that godforsaken book) so... ah. It's funny, really, because I had a very, very advanced reading level for my age and always had my nose in a book - generally of a high literary quality, certainly higher than Meyer - and yet, somehow there was a brief stint in my childhood that I enjoyed it. Luckily, I grew out of that quickly and shifted wholeheartedly to the anti-Twilight camp (most notably, the "Bella is a whiny fucking bitch with zero character depth and Edward is a creepy stalker" division).

And now... here I find myself at age 19, and I've had this god-awful compulsion the past few days to search for SOMETHING in the Twilight fic archive. I don't fucking know what exactly, but... something that weaves Meyer's shitshow into something of quality, because I think that's what frustrates me the most - there were sooo many fans, and so much potential, the plot honestly deserved better than its own author. Some of the characters, despite the terrible storytelling capabilities of their creator, had really compelling backstories. Honestly, Bella and Edward are the two most fucking boring protagonists she could have possibly chosen. Rosalie stands out to me, in particular. Rosalie fucking Hale deserved to be in a better series of books and she is dear to my heart, though sadly I'll be damned before anyone catches me admitting to that out loud. Leah and Bree Tanner, too. That's another point - the Bree Tanner novella! I haven't read that in a really long time, but from what I remember it was leagues above Twilight in quality, which just circles me back to the thing that always infuriates me - Twilight could have actually been something worthwhile if it wasn't written with the intention of scaring kids away from sex. Honestly, I 100% blame this woman and her religious motivations for terrifying me of all forms of intimacy as a child, but I digress.

This response is getting very messy and I am so sorry. Can you tell it's midnight, I have a headache, and I've been internally screaming about this exact topic for YEARS but can't talk about it to anyone in person because that would require owning up to still giving the slightest of shits about Twilight?! Ugh. Anyway, I read this AN before starting, as advised, and your complete and utter exasperation and snark about this whole ordeal endears me towards you already, as we seem to have the same opinions on everything in this series. I'm a bit terrified by the looming threat of a recreated "Meyer-voice" as I've actually refrained from torturing myself with that since I found my old copy of the books tucked in my closet, years ago, and proceeded to throw them out lmao. So, I'm terrified, but I've never been good at resisting morbid curiosity, so I'm sure I'll end up reading this.

Damn, I had so much fun with this fic! Not just the lovely way you wrote Jacob & Bella, but the subtle things, like all the werewolf banter, the lovely way you had Bella and Charlie's relationship develop, you ACTUALLY managing to turn Bella into a pretty good character, all the little details regarding Emily's house, etc... It was all super enjoyable, thoughtful and well executed! I'm going to jump on that sequel right his instant, thanks very much. Also, I hope your hand didn't fall off - such a good writer having to type with only one hand would be a damn shame.

I actually really did enjoy this story. It's been years since I've read anything Twilight related so this was a fun experience. It made me think back fondly to my early teenage years and just loving these books. So the authors note right after finishing it was kind of a bummer. Just throwing this out there, don't mean to step on any toes, but in the future I would suggest leaving out the add on where you talk about your negative feelings for exactly what people are here to read about... It doesn't feel awesome. But aside from that, again, good read.

Your slow descent into sanity...has all my sympathies. Rest well, pal.

I...I would not wish such a fate on anyone. Thank you for your sacrifice so we wouldn't have to. *bows head in silent remembrance*

Lols. Thanks for writing.

Yes. I love this fanfic. SEQUEL!

NO. EDWARD. GO THE FUCK AWAY. NO ONE WANTS YOU. JACOB FOREVER.

ASDFGHJKLZXCVBNMQWERTYUIOP

THEY KISSED

I EXPLODED

END OF STORY