I read the first book of twilight out of curiosity desperately hoping that it would get better at some point. That didn't happen and I've never had such a violent aversion to any series before. I even stopped my little sister from reading it till she was in high school because I thought the book sent all kinds of bad messages to preteen girls.

I am very reluctantly gonna give this a shot because I'm bored and because it was recommended to me by someone with good taste. If I have an allergic reaction to your story and go into anaphylactic shock, that's on you.

Anyways I'll check in later with a real review once I finish reading or more likely once I just can't take anymore.

(Note that any bad vibes you get from the...(disclaimer?) I've written is purely due to how much I can't stand Twilight and not a reflection on you as an author. Oh god, I'm gonna read a Twilight story. What am I doing with my life. What's even real anymore...)

I tend to be an awful reviewer, but I believe you truly deserve this review, especially as you lost your sanity for this great story. I've read the entire story as well as the sequel (yay for the sequel!) and was blown away by your ability.

I read the Twilight series when I was in middle school when they first came out and quickly realized that the writing was awful but there was potential for a good story. New Moon was my favorite because I loved Jacob and hated Edward, but did not like the following two books. She presented poor values (Why did Bella go back to him?!) and it wrapped up too neatly. However, I read the occasional fanfiction if they were about the pack, which I find fascinating (especially imprinting). When I stumbled on your story, it was basically what I wanted to happen instead of Meyer's story! Needless to say, I loved this. Characters and plot made sense. It had better values. And overall, your story has the best interpretation of imprinting that I've come across. Way better than Meyer's.

Anyways, I just wanted to commend you on your ability to transform a story for me. You are a truly gifted writer.

Frosty
P.S. I've also read your Sparrowkeet Series, which is awesome as well. You're great at these deviations from canon which still work well within the story, if that makes sense.

Stop posting fucking AN's

So, i just read all of this story and the one after this and I do have to say I loved it. I'm sorry about the suffering involved with Meyer's awful writing, but holy crap I think I liked this better than the actual book. Very awesome. I hate that Sam and Quil and Charlie died but holy crap holy crap this was just amazing!

Kim is fifteen? That isn't even legal!

This is pretty well done as far as anything that even remotely tries to emulate Ol steph the eloquent.
However (there's always a but or a however..sorry) I have to comment on Bellad inability to get a handle on how she loves Jake. Speaking from what I have experienced and observed personally, while there where times i wasnt sure of IF I loved someone ,I was always pretty clear on how I felt about that person. I was always pretty clear on whether my feelings where platonic or going beyond. Bellas "confusion on this point seems to speak more on Bellas inability to see beyond herself or to really understand what love is beyond those silly, vapid books she reads.

That thing you did there? Kind of showing how charlie and bella had been through the same type of thing? That was kind of dumb and not a good comparison. charlie was married to renee and had a child with her. Renee took off with out a word in the middle of the night. They had been together much longer. The depth and length of the relationship was completely different. Bella was with Edward for a much shorter period of time and the had barely kissed. Not only that Dedward was abusive and controlling. No.. not a good comparison at all.

Wow. Bella is one fuc*ed up chika-dee huh? I mean the nonsense she spouts about books that had nothing to do with love and everything to do with the most twisted kind of unhealthy obsession. She was with Edward for a fairly short period of time and they did NOTHING together barely even kissed. Talk about co-dependency! They Had nothing in common. I find Bella to be such a wholly unlikeable and unsympathetic character that at times I find myself wishing she would die - painfully. In fact you have if its even possible made her MORE unlikeable then Meyer. I guess i also dont find too much different with your story then hers. Yeah your dialog is a little better and the pacing is a bit more even but this story is essentally New Moon with a few more details. I just dont see the point.

Bella is a loon. no doubt about it. Only Bella could be such an emo twit over some cold, pale skinny metrosexual, sparkly vampire poseur that she barely even kissed and was with for only a few months.
And of course Bella is going to Blame Sam for Jakes situation. How could it ever be a Cullens fault? They shit sunshine and piss

I mean..why would Bella care about anything warm and alive..she likes cold. dead things. I cant even fathom how a young girl would even remotely want to be touched by something like Dedward. No warmth, cold, hard like stone. If thats not bad enough the guy still things its the victorian all his super smarts and mind reading He has learned nothing about relationships considering he treats Bella like a doll or a possession. come to think of it what would Bella even do with someone as warm and alive and insanely,animalisticly smoking hot as Jake? Her head would explode!

Please. Dont even bring up any of the spinsters Bronte. Neither one was ever married. In fact neither one ever had a suitor. Thats why they wrote about sick, twisted obsession like it was some kinda fairytale. Anyway you have done an outstanding job of showing what a selfish, sick wackadoodle Bella is

I can live with bad pacing if I dont have to deal with Meyer-speak

My god even Bella's delusions are pathetic. How could it even be a contest between a pale, pasty white, skinny, sack of reanimated rotting flesh when compared to Jacobs awesomeness. Dedward was controlling, both emotionally AND sexually manipulative. He insulted Bellas judgement and intelligence and made her feel weak and unattractive. He lied and withheld things he felt she shouldnt know. He controlled who she could and couldnt see and where she could go. A textbook abusive relationship. Every danger Bella faced was because of him. Then again we do know that Bella is not an emotionally or mentally stable individual. She is a pretty twisted and sick young woman even taking into account the sparkly razzle-dazzle. If dedward is who she cant live without let her have him. Jake could do better on his worst day.

Unfortunately The twilight Saga is a shining example of an excellent idea, horribly executed. I cant believe her editors actually let the books get released in such badly written, terribly structured format. I can only think that they figured the target audience wouldnt notice or care. Perhaps Meyer was to busy fantasizing that she was Bella (who sure does seem to be an avatar for her) to worry about the little things like grammar, pacing, consistency and dialog

Wow Your actually going to voluntarily try and write as horribly as Meyers? I feel for you. I can only hope you survived. As for the story, we seem to be off to a solid start.