I'm fangirling. You are hilarious. This entire thing is gold. Tempted to rip out the pages from the second half of new moon and just graft this right in there like the other monster never existed. I literally laughed out loud, thought "damn that's good" or "damn that's smart," or had actual emotional reactions throughout the entire thing. There's no simpering or whining, no salivating over marble and topaz (or at least a very minimum, comparatively) and every time you describe Jacob's warmth I DIE. Of COURSE the girl from PHOENIX wants to be WARM ALL THE TIME, STEPHANIE. You are very correct, all of it was right there for the taking. I have tried reading other J/B fics and am pained by the writing because it does not fit with Meyer's writing, which is important for what you are doing by replacing half of New Moon. Gonna go drool over the sequel now. Can't believe I'm leaving this review in f'ing 2020.

Bella's love being due to Edward's vampireness never occurred to me, but it's an interesting idea.

"It fell when we walked under the tree," he explained with a small smile. "It was cute. I can't not kiss you when you have a leaf on your head, Bells. That's asking way too much of me." Awwww!

""Took you long enough to wake up, Buffy."
This time I did roll my eyes, which made me instantly dizzy. "Don't call me that," I said, leaning back against the bed.
"Why not? You're our very own little slayer girl," he said proudly. "Are you going to start wearing cheerleader outfits?"" Hahaha

"Yeah! I mean, Jake's been talking for awhile about how he's been wanting to practice his body work, so this is a great chance." Embry blinked, then bit his lip and looked down. He remained silent even as his shoulders started to vibrate slightly.
I sighed. "Say it, Embry, before you explode."
"And he'll love to practice his body work with you." The words came out in a rush. Then he grinned. "Thanks."
"It would've been a shame for you to die of suppressed innuendo after all this," I said dryly." Lol

I can't believe I'm saying this, but I don't want Edward to come back!

The whole towel sticking to the wound thing is horrendous.

Wait, did Seth and Leah's phasing prompt the heart attack, or the other way around?

I love your explanation for how Emily and Sam's relationship began.

"There were a hundred thousand things that confused me about that statement, but the first thing that came out of my mouth was, "So... Sam needs cake?"" Haha

My heart hurts for Jacob

"When Sam and Emily showed up with a strawberry cake, Charlie offered to cut it, and spirited it away to the kitchen. Over Billy's shoulder, I could see that he tasted a bit of the icing against his tongue before bringing out slices to everyone else" Lol

I love your sanity updates.

"Charlie narrowed his eyes as he unbuckled his seat belt. "Why isn't that kid wearing a shirt?"
I could hardly say, 'Because he's trying to save his clothes,' so I tried to think of an excuse as fast as I could - and the one that came out of my mouth was: "Well, look at him."
Silence.
My face turned so red I was surprised I didn't burst a blood vessel.
After a long, horrifying moment, Charlie finally said, "Um... yeah."" This had me laughing out loud.

"How will Victoria know I'm here? Shouldn't I be, I don't know, jumping up and down and waving or something?" Lol

""So, is that what you did? Went into the woods, went 'poof', and told them to meet us?"
Jacob raised an eyebrow. "'Poof'?" he repeated indignantly.
"Well, if not 'poof', then what is it?"
"It's called phasing." He shook his head. "'Poof'. Honestly."
"It sounds all right to me," I grumbled." Hzha

"This would all be a lot less disturbing if the atmosphere wasn't so... creepy. Why couldn't werewolf meetings be held at a McDonald's? Did they have to be in the middle of a gloom-ridden primordial forest?" Lol

I love your writing.

"He grinned, and the sunniness of it warmed me. "Naw. I mean, I wish you hadn't gotten hurt, but... I can't believe you could reach his face! What did you do, stand on a box?"" Haha

"But," I said slowly, "wasn't the whole point of The Matrix that you're supposed to take the red pill?"
Jacob blew out an annoyed breath. "No, the point of The Matrix was for Keanu Reeves to blow things up and look badass. Work with me here, Bella, I'm not so good at analogies that don't involve cars."" Lol

"This was too much. "Do you always offer self-defense lessons to girls you've injured?" I muttered.
To my surprise, Sam flinched visibly at my words." Poor Sam, that's really on the nose.

"I wondered if mildew would grow inside my cast before it came off. If there was anywhere that something like that could happen, it was Forks." Lol

what a ride. Fucking brilliant. Well done and I'm sorry.

off to explore the rest of your work now.

Reading Twilight, I was wholly team Jacob and New Moon was always my favourite because of that. Reading this story was like heaven to me because it just fit so perfectly into cannon I could literally see all this happening. Character development was spot on. Bella's POV was accurate and I loved the plot twist with her and Victoria at the end, that she was the one to save them all. Jacob's inner conflict about the imprinting was also so interesting to watch unfold. I wish it had happened that way in the books! Also, your author's notes were hilarious too, and actually gave really good insight into your choices - not many people do that.

also, i really love how you wrote this. i'm no english student but all the points you've highlighted in your notes i found quite interesting and valid. i'm so happy Sam got to you haha. hope you're all healed up now

never in my whole entire has anyone ever made me hate edward with such passion. your writing is lit sis. the last couple chapters have been phenomenal to read but after seeing how you just turned my fave teen love story into horror with just a chapter i am officially your biggest fan

embry is the superior werewolf. least angsty, has never imprinted on a baby, loves french fries.