|Reviews for The Old Days|
| Cumberbatch Critter chapter 12 . 8/24/2011
Somehow I missed that you'd updated. -Brick'd-
Very cute! Miki saying: "This is bad onigiri Shinji!" busted me up. xD She's so like Aki and how I would picture her.
Nice job. Keep up the good work. :3
| Pathetic Apathy chapter 12 . 8/6/2011
Sorry I didn't review earlier D: But this chapter. OMG. HHHHNNNNNGGGGGGGG. Shinji, why so adorable? When Miki was complaining about how terribad the onigiri was, I was thinking of Cooking Mama. I was like, "Don't worry; Mama will fix it!" And then I remembered that he was an orphan. And then my face was like D': And then I got sad. And then I laughed at Reiko's last statement. Erm... I dun know :c
I don't think that I found any errors, but I noticed that Miki's speech patterns changed. Miki always addressed herself in the 3rd person, but in this chapter she used the pronoun 'I.' Le gasp! Was this a mistake on your part, or was it intentional?
Last but not least... *glares at Nemo's review* As much as I like the free advertising, Nemo has been a creeper anon spreading word about the project. Seriously, don't shove invitations into peoples' faces (that should be my job!). Anyhow, mind putting up with me another time? I know I've bothered you a lot in the past, but hopefully this fanmade VN is worth your support.
| Nemo chapter 12 . 8/6/2011
It's a pleasant surprise to stumble upon a good story like yours. I've only read one other story which focused solely the childhood of Akihiko and Shinjiro, but that story was not very good. Yours, on the other hand, is an excellent read.
I'm still entertained by the antics of young children. Your characterization of Miki is believable, and quite endearing at that. As I have a younger cousin that is approximately the same age as Miki, I can say that you have been able to keep her actions and behavior realistic in most situations. A job well done to you.
On an unrelated note, have you heard of Rewritten Ennui's visual novel project? Her plan is to create a visual novel based on P3P, and she does seem to be making progress. She has a forum to discuss it, and I'm sure that you'd be more than welcome to participate in the project.
| Cumberbatch Critter chapter 11 . 7/17/2011
With your complaining about writer's block in the beginning, I was hesitant... but, damn, I finished the chapter saying 'I wanna write something like this some day.' You're very good at capturing them. Asides from the chapter being a little short, I loved it, especially Shinji-san's embarrassment with the 'I'll play' part.
For I noticed you said something about requested scenarios... Am I allowed to suggest something? o-o If not, disregard me here. xD
1) Shinji-san and Aki-san fight. Like, their first fist fight. A black eye or something, and they laugh and their relationship is stronger in the end. You know.
2) Turn the tables- get Aki sick. It'd be cool to see how Miki and Shinji responded to that.
3) I'm not sure if there's a set date going on right now... but writing fodder that I think readers would like would be one of the three's birthday.
Sorry if I seem a little stifling here... I love Shinji/Aki childhood stories, and you capture them so well. So, I hope I didn't aggravate you here, and keep up the great work. You're doing fine.
| Pathetic Apathy chapter 11 . 7/17/2011
After soooooooooooo long, you finally update. And you know what? It was totally worth the wait :D I was smiling the whole time because those kids are too damn cute. I'M GOING TO GET DIABETES AT THIS RATE OMG. You made my day c:
I found one itty bitty typo.
"Not hiding," he replied flatly. "You brother just won't think to look here."
It should be 'Your brother,' not 'You brother.' Other than that, I didn't catch anything. Anyways, I hope you get over your writer’s block *crosses fingers for the next chapter to come out soon*
| Namine23 chapter 11 . 7/17/2011
This is so awesome. I love it! What an odd relationship Akihiko and Shinjiro have :)
| Deidara'sgirl19 chapter 11 . 7/16/2011
Ugh...Writer's Block is terrible. Trust me, I just barely updated my own Persona fic a few days ago (after half a year -_- )
I hope you can overcome it!
And lol I love how Shinji and Miki go to the kitchen while Aki's trying to find them xD
...I think I'd do the same thing...Ya know, I haven't played much hide and seek when I was little.
This was a really cute chapter! Can't wait to read more!
| LruoS chapter 10 . 4/4/2011
Awwh poor Shinji.
I swear you keep on making this fanfic cuter and cuter.
| Pathetic Apathy chapter 10 . 2/28/2011
D'aw... Poor Shinji got sick D: He must hate everyone trying to take care of him. Hope he gets better soon.
I saw me an error! 'It took all the self-control he had to keep his mouth shut and not angrily at the brunette.' Not angrily do wut lol? Put some kind of verb there.
And that's it. BTW, March 5 is coming up. Oh teh noez, amirite?
| Deidara'sgirl19 chapter 9 . 1/21/2011
Oh no! Shinji and Aki are having one of there famous fights haha. Oh well, I guess that means they care about each other lol. xD
And Shinji's first experience cooking! I want to try some of his food soooo badly right now...
I loved this chapter, can't wait to read the next one!
| Pathetic Apathy chapter 9 . 1/21/2011
Poor Miki is stuck between Akihiko's and Shinjiro's bickering. They're treating her like crap D: At least Shinjiro is being sympathetic to the girl c:
I saw some errors (ie. He trailed off, remembering those older kids that beat them up and tore Miki's favorite doll apart… His stomach twisted uncomfortable). It should be 'uncomfortably' and you're missing a period. Nothing major though.
And keep writing! I support thee!
| Pathetic Apathy chapter 8 . 12/5/2010
"We're NOT orphans!"
;_; Suddenly I feel even greater pity for Miki. She's so innocent! The poor thing needs a hug from Aki and/or Shinji. Damn the two for being so negligent of her! I cried inside while reading this.
You can maybe cameo MC and FeMC during the Summer Festival or at the orphanage. I don't think they ever mention when exactly the Kirijo incident and the orphanage burning (;-;) are in relation to each other throughout the year. It's always like "Yeah, it happened". Go ahead and take some liberties if you want to toss in some cameo appearances.
| berlinblue chapter 8 . 12/4/2010
Poor Miki and her rabbit. ):
So, I believe it was said that Miki died ten years before Persona 3, so I would think that the explosion on Port Island may have set the orphanage on fire. :S
MC and FeMC could appear. They would have lived in Iwatodai before the explosion, if one believes they would be twins. Akihiko and Shinjiro /could/ meet them. Though, they wouldn't recognize MC/FeMC later? Hmmmm...
| Deidara'sgirl19 chapter 8 . 12/3/2010
So much emotion going on in one chapter...I like it :D
Once again, those bullies are pissing me off. Making Miki cry, making Aki and Shinji fight...argh I hate bullies.
Awesome chapter! Can't wait to read the next one! _
PS: Since this takes place in an ORPHANAGE...I was just wondering if you were going to do a chance encounter with FeMC going there or something when her parents die? Cause, I mean, that would be super badass awesome if FeMC goes to the same orphanage as Aki and Shinji...maybe she could even stand up for them!:D I'm just spouting out ideas. No need to take them seriously...though, if that did actually happen in game, that would kinda explain why Shinjiro stopped in front of FeMC and said "You..." before walking out of the hospital...maybe he only met FeMC before in the past, but Aki wasn't there at the time? Ugh, I'm over-thinking this _
| Deidara'sgirl19 chapter 7 . 11/28/2010
Awww that's so terrible! Kids can be so cruel to each other T_T
Calling them names, saying they have no parents...I outta go into this story and give them a piece of my mind (and fist)!
Shinjiro's so cute in this chapter, I love his nervous/annoyed personality.
Seeing them yell at Miki for the first time was very emotional, I liked it as well!
Can't wait to read the next chapter! _