|Reviews for moments in another time|
| Diablo Snowblind chapter 41 . 2/6
It's good to see an update to this fantastic story, and this update is just great. However, I have...concerns.
What is the political support structure that makes your Vayne so dangerous? Who in government obeys him? You write Vayne up as being a fantastically dangerous political savant, yet you give him no allies that I can see. He has no friends among the Judge Magisters, who only grudgingly obey him, he has no friends in the Senate, in the traditional army, no major merchant friends insofar as I can tell...
Who the hell are Vayne's allies supposed to be? Draklor doesn't count. They have no traditional political power of their own. Who informs on Senate and military affairs to Vayne? Who are his allies? Why is he so politically powerful? In the game, we were led to believe that Vayne had the loyalty of the military, but here, that's not as apparent...which makes it difficult for me to really see Vayne in the light that you want the reader to perceive. You haven't written him as having a single politically powerful ally...in the games men like Bergan were his creatures, which would explain a heck of a lot. I'm not seeing that here.
The Ghis POVs are fantastic, though I fear that you may have overstepped in making a Ghis an emperor of Archadia before the Solidors. We can infer from the games that the Solidors likely date back to Raithwall's era, and are probably related to him on some level. There probably wasn't anything resembling an Archadia before that time. I felt as though the ruling families of all of the major nations were related to Raithwall on some level. In any case, making Ghis a family of emperors of old begs the question of why in the hell the Solidors wouldn't have killed off the entire clan upon their ascent in your universe. This is pretty standard practice in real life when one family overpowers another for monarchical rule.
| Diablo Snowblind chapter 40 . 1/14
There's a heck of a lot going on here. But primarily, I'm glad to finally see you update.
It's little wonder that Vayne's humanity would be so very, very hard for these relatively normal people to see. And, now that you point it out, it does seem a bit odd that Larsa would have given Penelo a piece of manufactured nethicite...heck, Rozarria would likely do more than merely pay Balthier, it might make him nobility outright in exchange for such a princely gift.
Ashe is definitely villain material. If only the game had gone that route...
As usual, your writing is fantastic. Keep up the great work. And read and review my own stories when you get a chance! I'd seriously appreciate the input of someone as skilled as you.
| Oilgarchy chapter 40 . 1/14
Marvelous work as usual, twigcollins. Thanks for the update.
| autumn-leaf16 chapter 39 . 11/2/2013
When I first reviewed this story, I said that it is the best FFXII story that I have ever seen, and I still believe this. I love how you write about Vayne- you do such a good job! My favourite part is definitely the interaction between Cid and Vayne, and I am glad that Vayne has someone who understands him, who actually care about him.
I really like what Vayne said about Al-Cid, how he is a clever fool. I would really love to see the two of them talking in your story. I actually feel that Al-Cid is one of the few who can actually be on an equal level with Vayne, although they are such a contrasting pair.
I think you have a really good grasp of the mood, how you change it, showing the different aspects of Vayne as he interated with different people.
Finally, in this chapter you mentioned that Vayne’s elder brother had a wife and I like how you mention this, because his brothers obviously played a very important part to his character, as well as the plot, even though we never met them. I admit, it is also because I am working with this idea so I was quite glad to see someone thinking about a similar thing. I like how you sort of show that his brothers had their own life, they were not just there for the sake of plot.
I admit, some part of this review does not make sense at all, but the main thing is, I really like your story and I can’t wait to read more!
| frankannestein chapter 1 . 10/16/2013
Wow. Just . . . wow. What a peek into Dr. Cid! This is so sad. TT_TT Yet, I can tell this is just an introduction. I'm curious to see how Cid goes on from here.
| Guest chapter 39 . 10/13/2013
cool motto for the solidors.
| Diablo Snowblind chapter 29 . 10/13/2013
Too much of a girl chapter for my tastes, but it does go a long way to describe how Archadia's society, still practicing such primitive marriage practices, can alienate even those who ought to be benefiting from the system. It's touching that Penelo, who according to normal social conventions should barely be a person in the eyes of these girls, can connect with them so quickly and intimately.
| Diablo Snowblind chapter 28 . 10/13/2013
Yeah...this chapter made me realize. Vayne didn't necessarily need to use Nethicite as a weapon of war in order to take over the world. Jagd dominates the frontiers of human trade and commerce in the world of Ivalice, and Vayne, by being the monopoly supplier, can over the long term make himself an economic power so potent that even Bhujerba would quail before him, and would have no choice but to follow him. Bhujerba's Saudi Araba like dominance over raw magicite production could itself be brought to an end by Nethicite...you can bet that there have got to be even higher magicite deposits than Bhujerba's in assorted Jagd territories, likely ones around Giruvegan (The Great Crystal had to have come from somewhere).
| Diablo Snowblind chapter 27 . 10/13/2013
This promises to be quite a romance. You pull off Larsa and Penelo perfectly. Larsa is so eloquent, choosing his words to perfectly describe what he wants to describe, yet Penelo's own language is just as suited for her own lesser, gentler purposes. Very few writers are so skilled that they can make a character's character shine through in their very language.
| Diablo Snowblind chapter 26 . 10/13/2013
I approve of changing Larsa's age. He was too ridiculously young in the games anyways, given his significant role and the nature of his character.
You really do bring this world to life through your writing. I was thinking of replaying the game, but I held off on it after watching a few youtube walkthrough videos. The scriptwriting is just so saddeningly mediocre compared to what you've accomplished here.
| Diablo Snowblind chapter 25 . 10/13/2013
Poor Penelo. Frying pan, fire, etc. She fled Ba'Gamnan only to wind up right in Gabranth's grasp - a man that even Vayne is a bit scared of, undoubtably the most powerful and fearsome of the Judge Magisters of Archadia.
| Diablo Snowblind chapter 24 . 10/13/2013
This was a really spectacular chapter, and it raised many questions. Just how did Balthier and Fran know to seek out the Dusk Shard of all things, when so many had no doubt searched for it in the recent past in more or less the same location?
The Graylands finale was spectacular. I wish that something like this had been added to the game. You handled Balthier's identity arc masterfully, whereas with the game's story it felt so underwhelming, with pretty much zero exposition. You should have been the scriptwriter for the game. You even add in some pretty good cute scenes and humor in the midst of this story of men and gods and nations and nuclear weapons. Remarkable.
I also 100% agree with your latter two concluding author's notes. They made Ashe have 8 brothers in the supplemental notes but didn't mention that whatsoever in the game?...
| Diablo Snowblind chapter 23 . 10/12/2013
These Graylands sure do seem like a conspicuous absence from the game, now that I think about it. Something like this would have added much to the culture of the game.
| Diablo Snowblind chapter 22 . 10/12/2013
I would have liked to see more dialogue from Bergan, and more description of these monsters. Great to see the Nethicite explosion though! It makes me wonder why Larsa's piece of nethicite didn't detonate at the end of the battle against Vayne Novus...
How the hell did Cid get into Giruvegan anyway? And how did he acquire an Esper? Is the water esper some kind of family heirloom that he used to gain entry, that he never told Balthier of?
| Diablo Snowblind chapter 21 . 10/12/2013
Good to see Balthier and Fran reunited, at this of all places. The chapter could have improved on describing the monsters of the mist, though. What were they? They sounded like in-game behemoths.