|Reviews for Rising Sun|
| myeve123 chapter 1 . 5/14/2013
Like this :-)
| Fuck You chapter 1 . 7/7/2011
This was horribly boring!
| howling-wolf628 chapter 1 . 10/30/2010
After reading this I must say "Rising Sun" and "Falling Snow" are two of your best works
| eatpandas.rawr chapter 1 . 10/28/2010
Damn it's not fair. You are just too good. This one made me emotional, and I dont get emotional over fics and stuff like this easily. I love how all your stories portray something similar yet different each time... Your style is very fluid and soft here. Like, a calm understanding of defeat or acceptance of something that cannot be changed. That's how I see it anyway. Awesome job XD There I go, disconnected and rambling again. Ah, well...
| Magical Mistress Sarai chapter 1 . 10/8/2010
This was interesting, short and to the point.
I did notice a big problem with pronoun association. You use the word "it" alot... but there is rarely an antecedent to help designate what "it" is. I know in most places that "it" is referring to the sun, but here:
"It singed his skin as he sprang into action and hid out of sight, for he was ANBU Black Ops, and it was his job to move as one who did not exist."
It is referring to the sun, and it is referring to Itachi's duty... but neither have an clear antecedent. It would be best, in some places if you replaced "it" with a more concrete noun (this would also allow you to build some stronger images, rather than just dictate to the reader... as it is right now, the brevity makes this seem like a list).
"As [the sun] rose every day, [Itachi] rose with it, harsh [sun light glared upon his burden which cast a dark shadow from the] weight..."
"[The sun] singed his skin as he sprang into action and hid out of sight. [Itachi had been a member of the] ANBU Black Ops, and his job was to move as one who did not exist."
"[Indifferent rays] watched [Itachi] as he cried his heart out, and never did [the] sun grant his wish to swallow him up, [burning away his guilt and torment]."
Getting rid of the word "it" will really help this story... because you use it so many times, that your story really starts to suffer because of "it". (no pun intended).
I would go back, look over the sentences... see where you could remove unnecessary pronouns and try to create some vibrant images. We are talking about a torment man and a vivid, overbearing, luminescent entity... the sun has so many potential images to be evoke with words. As an author, you have to take advantage of your material.
With a little work this could become a very strong short piece, but as it is right now... it sits firmly in the center of the spectrum: not bad, but nothing new. I enjoyed it, but I can see it having a great deal of potential (which I hate to see get wasted).
| 19x chapter 1 . 9/19/2010
This was a very intriguing metaphor. I've never thought of the final battle in that way before, with the sun as a great equalizer.
Very poetic and well written.
| reniRCx chapter 1 . 9/9/2010
Wow, I think you nailed Itachi's personality and stuff. Great fic.
| Insufficient chapter 1 . 9/9/2010
Why are you such a good writer. I loooove how you write, it's so...good. Yes it is.
Thank you for reminding me what made Itachi so awesome, I will now welcome this to my favorites.
I...didn't see any mistakes. I don't think. But I can't read it again right now or I'll explode from the awesome. Share your skillsssss.