|Reviews for How You Remind Me|
| MarioAnitafan22 chapter 7 . 10/8/2010
Bag, the seventh chapter was swell! I'm becoming a huge fan of this fanfic! Anyway, this is a well-written chapter for a crossover fanfic and I look forward to your eighth chapter, idol.
| p.a.m. kez chapter 7 . 10/3/2010
hur hur, I'd like to point out a little something-on the Secret Show website, in the news room, if you watch the headlines scrolling across the bottom, you'll see one that confirms Doctor Doctor's name to be Susan (hence why Sonia and I call her that).
| CitrusSkies chapter 7 . 10/2/2010
You're getting better. You're really starting to get a hang of this. I mean it and that's a good sign in a budding author. Keep up the good work. Just remember keep writing and don't you ever stop.
If you keep reading books and writing. I assure you it will all pay off.
| CitrusSkies chapter 5 . 9/20/2010
This is a very shallow arguement regarding Bennita. Her adoptive parents don't trust the 'newcomers.' That they all heard about. But Gardevoir was able to convince them. Just by telling her parents they could really use her pokemon. You could have done so much more with this idea.
It just seems so contrived on how you wrote this. It's seems so unnatural and how the dialouge flows. I'm still wrapping my mind on what a 'seductor' is. If it's anything like the actual word which I hope it isn't. I, I'm trying to find the good in this story.
But your losing me. When two more pokemon came out of the blue. I felt like I was sucker punched. Now the group just recruited two more pokemon. That really have no business in coming in the first place. When they just met the group for the very first time. Your talking down to the audience in some of the sentences.
I don't like that.
| CitrusSkies chapter 4 . 9/20/2010
I'm skipping right into the cons.
-No, just, no. I don't think Changed Daily has that kind of heart. A young girl bumps into him and he demands an apology? On top of that he cusses it to her. That's really great manners for an old man like himself. Sure he chastises people, but I don't think he'd stoop that low. You did that just to tell the audience you're OC was blind. If someone demanded an apology from me like that, I'd be pissed.
- If Bennita was blind in the first place. If she owns a eye seeing pokemon. Why didn't she just use that in the first place?
This is a very short chapter. It's giving me very little to go on. For a OC introduction I'm not impressed by how your untilizing the characters interactions with Bennita.
| CitrusSkies chapter 3 . 9/20/2010
Let's start from the beginning shall we.
-This is a better revision. But there is always room for improvement.
-Newcomers, you need to learn how to use a Thesarus.
-It's explained in this story that the TSS cast has been living with them. For a questionable amount of time. I'd like to know why Luigi has this preoccupation with Anita. Anita already told him she has a boyfriend. I'm sure you could have slipped us some explanation, why?
-Why didn't Doctor Doctor react when Bowser captured her? Usually when someones jostled from sleep. It's pretty much to be expected. Doctor Doctor must sleep like a rock.
-Spell check, please.
| CitrusSkies chapter 2 . 9/20/2010
Again let me be the one to tell you. This isn't a flame. This is a critique.
- I can actually read the format clearly.
- You actually listened to some of my critiques.
- I'll find more pros soon.
Cons: -Never use any number 3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10 in a story. You must actually write the numbers out themselves. Ten, twelve, seven, etc. I also read a writing tip you shouldn't do that unless the number is higher than a hundred...something like that
- The characters are still cussing. Lemme just tell you. Writing cuss words doesn't make the fiction more adult.
- What's the explanation behind Jarvis still being here?
- How does Jarvis know Professor Professor is highly intelluctual. They only just met for the first time.
- Why is Luigi still lusting over Anita? I believe in crack pairs myself. Unless your actually trying to set Luigi up with Anita. But seeing you announced Anita has a boyfriend, nah.
- It's kinda OOC.
| CitrusSkies chapter 1 . 9/20/2010
I'll do the honors. I promised that I wouldn't review on you're DA page. As for this place...it's all no holds bar. But I promise an in depth critique.
Let it begin.
The beginning is rather different that you suggested. There isn't any doubt beyond that. But I'm going to probe deeper into this story.
If you don't mind.