|Reviews for Heat Wave|
| crownclown25 chapter 4 . 2/3
I am seriously about to cry. This chapter was so sad. AWSOME chapter；＿；
| Doctor Yok chapter 9 . 6/5/2012
I'm going to use this as my catch-all review for the entire three chapters I just devoured.
It was incredibly jam-packed with emotional tension. It was also pretty realistic, and the dialogue was very well played and well done. The back and forth between Andi and Kanda was exceptional - it's rare to find such a good, believable argument between two people, and you show a side to the story that we hadn't even considered (though it /was/ hinted at). All together, this was a rather enjoyable ficlet seen through the eyes of another, new Exorcist that worked as a very good audience surrogate on the turmoils and feelings of another, well-known character that we are all familiar with. I think that the choice to use an OC as the 'lens' for the story was a good one - to view it from Kanda's point of view was to invite confusion or a lack of empathy (or, rather, a flood of it, which would seem out of place), and to see it from Lenalee's point of view would have been off, seeing as she was not around for the main conflict (as well as the fact she worked better as a sort of foil, rather than a protagonist).
Impeccable structure as well; that beautiful minimalist charm. Just don't be shy about adding some description - it's the gravy that goes over the biscuits!
I thank you for the warning. It didn't shock me so much knowing that I knew it was in there somewhere. I figured it'd have to come up during the climax.
To sum it up, a very emotionally charged, incredibly well written ficlet, good for a read on battles, the insides and outsides of characters, interaction with others (especially about awkward situations), and the human problem of forgetting other's feelings while we wallow in our own. Boy oh boy, time to take some aspirin so my heart doesn't explode... phew...
God bless you, and keep on keepin' on!
| Doctor Yok chapter 5 . 6/5/2012
This chapter is definitely the emotional roller coaster ride. You have an amazing ability to evoke all sorts of feelings with the smallest turns of phrase - that is a very handy trick, and I must say I wish I had your ability. I have a habit of being incredibly long-winded! In this particular section, you managed to take me down to the depths of despair and dread, to the heights of hilarity and straight back down to utter fear and tension within only a few paragraphs' worth of words. My, my, a gifted writer you are.
Andi's interactions were beautiful orchestrated between the canon and original characters, particular with both her and Daniel. You've left me hanging on for just a bit more, and I love the feeling that I'm only seeing a very small bit of the story without being alienated from the bigger picture. And oh, I only have four more chapters - what ever shall I do? My heart still races!
And of course, Kanda's return was expertly down, right down to his usual answer to just about everything: 'Che'. Despite his small appearance, it seemed to capture his character perfectly: aloof, uninterested, and standoffish. Your breaks from character are more willingly believed with the re-institution of his default mode. I love it.
| Doctor Yok chapter 4 . 6/5/2012
Ohohohoho, now this is a very interested and evocative chapter. Despite the lack of action and normal drama, it had an incredible emotional charge. You display Andi's utter frustration and confusion very well, along with Lenalee and her desire to help her through her struggle. It gives a very good, suspenseful lead in to the next chapter, which I'm now raring to read. This chapter definitely put my heart on a work out. It's strange to think that strong people would much rather jump off a cliff into shark infested water than face someone they know about an awkward or painful situation the both are in. Very good work!
You did much better with description, especially describing the tones of the voices used, the feelings of each character, even ones that are not in the main point of view, and the use of secondary characters as devices and people towards the end. Though I love that you keep the focus off the appearance of your character, I honestly have no face to connect Andi to. Ah, well, that's okay. I guess it gives me a bit of leeway there, doesn't it?
I'm very interested in seeing what you've done next.
| Doctor Yok chapter 3 . 6/5/2012
Quite the contrary on this chapter being useless! It reveals a lot of the depth Andi's hurt possesses. We saw how she normally behaves in the first chapter, part of the main conflict hit in the second chapter, and this shows the effects of both by providing a comparison. Well done! This chapter was definitely needed as a break from the events of the last two, and Lenalee's character is very in-character and enjoyable to read. I could've done with a bit more description, but that's besides the point, seeing as the main focus is the fact you can minimize things so concisely without sacrificing too much. This was a side of your OC that has heretofore remained unseen - her working with someone else who wasn't the other main canon. I'm glad you stuck it in there. The last bit leaves me hanging on for more, and it was also well written. I also love the location you picked - ah, France!
Now, you do have a few errors, mostly deletions, but that's a mistake that's incredibly easy to miss (I've done it more than a few times, and I'm notorious about it). That is easily fixed by having a beta, though considering the lack of errors, that definitely does not detract from the story at all; it's more a nicety than a necessity.
I did enjoy reading this chapter. It provided a glimpse into the every day life of an Exorcist on a mission, which more or less is filled with gunge, death, and blood. Andi seems like my sort of girl. Good work with the Innocence, too. I've seen reaper scythes and angel wings and suspiciously familiar Parasitic type claw hands, so the javelin was a nice touch. That's definitely an interesting pick, as well as the secondary abilities it bestows. I'm interested in seeing what else it does.
Continue, continue! God bless the hands that write!
| Doctor Yok chapter 2 . 6/5/2012
Hmm, this chapter moved a little too fast for me. I would've liked a little bit more of a build up, though the prose was good, and I liked the bit towards the end. The one word interjections were artfully done, especially just the order and placement (though in general I'm not a fan of that sort of subject - the point being the writing, not the subject matter). It was a little on the short side, but eh, maybe that's what was needed.
Kanda /was/ a bit OOC, but then again for this sort of story his character was going to have to be stretched a bit, which is understandable. Don't be afraid to add a good bit of description and put in the rest of your OCs thoughts on the matter at hand. Though, of course, if there are no thoughts on the matter at hand, then obviously don't write anything down, haha.
Nevertheless, an okay chapter overall. Good work.
| Doctor Yok chapter 1 . 5/21/2012
This is a rather interesting little one-shot. I really, really do like the prose you used for this passage; it had a sort of old-timey feel to it because it used to so little modern slang (something I'm terribly guilty of), and yet it still managed to be humorous at the same time. You have great writing ability with humor, by the way, as well as with character. Though I didn't get to see much of them, Lenalee and Allen were very in character through out, and Lavi was /especially/ in character, haha! I loved the little ending you tacked on that explained the heat wave, and all of their actions and reactions are very believable. Good work! Your OC is also a rather interesting character to follow, and I wish I could've read more of her. She seemed like she had a story waiting for her, as well, but, alas, that is up to you. Kanda was also very in character, though the last bit was, as you admitted, slightly out of character for him, but for the sake of story I can understand why. It did add quite the bit of pizzazz! Despite it being so short, that bit had the intended reaction from readers, I'm assured. I'm also amazed and glad that you managed to keep vulgarity to a minimum, especially with Kanda as one the main focuses of the story. I'm not a big fan of a lot of cussing, which is usually prevalent in most fics, so I'm glad that there are people who can manage to write without dropping an f-bomb every chapter. I do admit, it's a bad habit, and it's hard to break, though...
I would work on description more than anything. Though all of your prose is done exceedingly well, it also lacks a bit of imagery, so don't be too shy about flowering it up a little bit. Your dialogue was good, but it could've had a bit more too it (though I do love the comment about a Bookman losing something - oh dear!), a little bit more characterization just to shake it up. My only other problem was that it was so short! I would've loved to read more of this, haha! Keep on keeping on, and don't stop.
God bless you, and thank you.
| Aviarianna O Lorien chapter 9 . 10/6/2011
It's hard to make an OC story good, realistic, yet entertaining...but you managed and you managed well. I am impressed by this story and I read a slew of these things in a broad amount of categories and genre's but I can happily say that your story is one of the best I've found. Excellent job.
Do watch your editing though, I noticed a habit of sentences that were missing words, which is really bloody common actually but still something to watch.
| Cheesecake and Coconut chapter 9 . 8/29/2011
the fist great story about an OC and Kanda that is well written.
I love it you should really make a sequel that would be really great XD
| Ukiuki123 chapter 9 . 7/4/2011
i LOVEDDDD it! the ending isn't too mushy (like Kanda and Andi don't fall in love) but it's also a very happy ending. it was perfect :)
| Ukiuki123 chapter 7 . 7/4/2011
this is a beautiful chapter. it's full of raw emotion and i just LOVE how Andi acts through the whole battle. the ending is perfect too :) can't wait to read the next chapter!
| KeepGuessing chapter 9 . 6/16/2011
WOW, i loved this and i'm glad i kept reading to the end! Your OC ended up being one of the most respectable characters i've seen :)
P.S: thanks for reviewing my story too :P
| SmileLikeLightning chapter 9 . 5/15/2011
:D ... THATS HOW IT ENDSSSSS? is there a sequel? This sets up for a sequel! Amazing story though! :D
| Lathya chapter 9 . 5/8/2011
Ahh! That's it! I'm going to be sad to see this story end. But in my mind, they get back together and it's actually all lovey dovey fluffy and all that. Complete 180. I loved this story, you did such a great job with it. Thanks so much for continuing it from that one shot.
| Coda Lys chapter 8 . 4/19/2011
God, I hate this story. Because the main character is so much like me that I am totally freaked out by it. O.O
Anyway, I love your story. :D I love it mainly because the main character is so much like me. Not the events happening around her though; just her personality. I can see myself thinking something like this. It's just so painful that I can see myself in her position. God, I need to be more careful. I'm entering college, but I doubt I'd be able to find someone like Kanda. And it might not be all understanding and fictional like this. Gah, I'm so creeped out right now D:
On a side note, this one's very well written. Almost perfect, in fact. Grammar and spelling have no mistakes (except in the first few chapters where you have only two periods for the ellipsis; it's mainly just that unless I've overlooked something); phrasing and word usage isn't awkward. Conversations are actually conversational. It's easy to understand, even though the entire story is so far based on a misunderstanding. The first few chaps definitely had me on Andi's side (by the way, you should mention her name more; I already forgot what it was halfway through reading this chapter). But when the actual events were revealed, there was this sort of lightbulb effect that had me going 'it's so totally /both/ of their faults'. It's more mature; not kiddy-happy-perky-quirky-then-gettin'-all-serious-up-in-your-ass. It's a quiet, solemn kind of thing, but I guess that's the effect of Andi's personality.
And yeah, Kanda seems smarter here. Well, maybe 'cleverer' or 'wittier' may be more precise. In any case, he's always the bottom when it comes to education (if memory serves me correct, even Hoshino's the one who said Kanda's the dumbest out of the four main characters). So, just as long as you don't have him spouting out the capitals of every country and their population, it should be fine. He can definitely be genius-like when it comes to the tricks of the trade.
Looking forward to the next chapter
:D Coda Lys