|Reviews for Family|
| Opalkitsune1016 chapter 14 . 6/17/2004
AWE!That was so sweet! i love that! You're a great writer! keep writing for ever and ever even if it's another story! bye
| cloudofcalm chapter 3 . 9/17/2003
I was actually checking out stories I'm running against in fanfic awards, and I came across this little...number.
Type the words, Mary Sue litmus test, into azny search engine, and reap the benefits. The only reason I'm pausing to criticize here, and so avoid the tirade, 'why didn't you read to the end, it gets better' simply because I'm fascinated with the huge slip you have already managed to make.
'I know I didn't mention she's part human, I promise next chapter you'll find out more', or something to that effect.
If this is an important detail, you cannot simply have characters mention it in passing, 'oh, by the way, she's part demon', you need to reveal it to the audience. I thought Ihad momentarily fallen asleep from the predicatability, and woken up at a later point without realising it.
Also, just for kicks, you do realise Hope is one of the major, stereotypical Mary Sues, or now Sary Mues, as I call them, that are traversing the fandoms faster than you can get to hell in a handbasket?
She is more powerful than she appears to be. She's got Gunn talking up to her. She can take on uber demons. The story revolves around her. And there's a lame ass introduction for her. If she's so big and strong, and could take out these demons, why is Angel having to find her?
Letting you know, none of the 'but it isn't a MS!' arguments work on me. I wrote one of these, it's still in my profile, and it's pretty much to the same format as this, only, I actually think I was more creative, only, Alli dived into the realms of icky with a thing for the malnourished prarie dog. Every writer has one of these in 'em. Only, we don't tend to nominate them for awards.
There are so many spelling errors in this. So many grammar mistakes. And by the by? If your character has a dialect, it's seriously annoying to the reader to have to read it. There's a column on how to write accents on the main page. Check them out. Basically, if someone's Irish, you either write,
"Blah blah" he said, his voice lilting with a soft brogue,
Or, you twist the words so they come out the right way. At your level, you write,
'so and so had a blank accent.'
These problems could be solved with one of those lumescent of beings, a Beta reader. If I hear you cry, what is a beta reader? then I answer. A person who reads through your work, unmercilessly, points out the errors, and gets you to redraft it. I would offer my services, but I beta for several, and am Beta-ed, so probably not the best target. Find one, sharpish, r your other stories will be tainted.
Two, try to come up with original ideas. The girl who is part demon,and strong, and has attitude, and and and...It's done to death. I did it when it was truly dead. I finished mine, a while ago. I've moved on. So have the decent authors around here. So please, find yourself a spot, sit down, and wait for inspiration to hit you.
Good luck kicking the bug to the curb,
| Kiseki no Tenshi chapter 14 . 4/22/2003
Beautiful story! _
I luv it!
Hope you do a sequal!
| timeends chapter 14 . 1/29/2003
Yeah! Great story! Now I am going to pout for the sequel. I like to know the reactions from the scooby when they found out Buffy with Spike.
| BlueJean452 chapter 14 . 9/14/2002
In the sequel have Angel come to sunnydale and see proof that Spike and Buffy are in love!
| Spike's Lil Devil chapter 14 . 4/17/2002
Where'd the sequel go? I mean one day it's here and the next it's not. Please bring it back.
| Diartemis chapter 3 . 3/27/2002
WICKED! This story is awesome! I love your original character! Oooh, bad scientist people. AAH! I love what you're doin.
| Darrel Doomvomit chapter 1 . 3/12/2002
what happened to your sequel? aaaah. were did it go? please. it was good. put it back up
| Spikeobsessed chapter 14 . 3/12/2002
Good good! Hehe! That was a really good story, but then again it had Spike in it so - duh. If I was one of Dawn/Hope's classmates would that mean I had 'Spike-speaking-to' privellages? Mmmmm... :) Anyways, nice story. Can't wait for the sequel!
| Romance At Its Best chapter 13 . 3/11/2002
Type faster! )
| Jaxie chapter 14 . 3/9/2002
Yay! I liked the whole story! Very good. Bravo Bravo! *clap clap*
| Spike's Lil Devil chapter 14 . 3/9/2002
I loved it.
| jackie chapter 14 . 3/9/2002
Loved the story, sorry, but you really must continue. Must know what happened next!
| Darrel Doomvomit chapter 14 . 3/9/2002
yay! she said it. sequel, sequel, sequel!
| Rachel chapter 14 . 3/9/2002
A sequel would be cool! I would love to be one of dawns classmates it you did do a sequel! Luved your story, RACHEL