Reviews for Bella Ciao
Amethyst Jackson chapter 1 . 10/18/2010
This is a lovely story. I'm going to go through it chronologically to give you my thoughts. :)

I like opening with the elderly narrator looking back. It gives a certain sense of foreboding. There's a sentence beginning that isn't capitalized - not a major thing for the reader, but you might consider a beta to catch those little things? That's really up to you. To be honest, I tend to wait for my readers to point out my typos and then go in and fix them after the fact. :P

I like the way you used the narrator to cut off the backstory - sometimes it's so hard to find a good place to transition, to skip all the things that will drag a story down.

Your initial descriptions of the resistance remind me of a wonderful story called The Things They Carried. You may or may not know it; it's pretty popular in US anthologies, but I don't know where you're from. It describes Vietnam War soldiers, and you get to know them largely through what they carry with them.

"On nights like these, I open my shirt, no matter how cold it is, and place a hand on my heart, desperate to feel it still beating." Beautiful, just beautiful.

I like the sprinklings of Italian in there. That's so important in making a setting come alive. Even the way you write the dialogue, the way Bella speaks, gives the sense that she's actually chattering away in Italian and we just somehow understand her. :)

I like the echoes of canon with Edward looking for an out and never taking it. And the watching her sleep, his fears of corrupting her somehow. Bella thinking he doesn't like her. Very nicely done.

I love the reunion, Bella giving him a bath, cutting his hair. It's a sweet scene.

I love the love scene. So many of them were...disappointing, I found, in reading the entries, but yours is realistic without sacrificing romance. I particularly love the "sweet talk" - it's so often trite and just weird in adult scenes, but I think it's really special and endearing here.

When Bella is shot, it's just devastating, even though you can feel it coming all along. I definitely cried over it. Very beautifully done.

I love that poem and how you used it. Just beautiful.

I think you did just a masterful job with this piece, and if that's what you do now, with your first attempt, then I can't wait to see what you'll do in the future. Amazing. You should go forward with all the confidence in the world.

AJ
brokende chapter 1 . 10/17/2010
Well honestly, I've read this story so many times, and yet I'm tearing up again, just having it up on my screen. I cannot say enough how much I love it, but I think you know. I hope you know. Perfect.
lovebel chapter 1 . 10/15/2010
Well, I'm sorry I didn't get to vote but for me your story should win the contest. It is AMAZING!
mountainlion718 chapter 1 . 10/7/2010
This just killed me, it was so good though, very well written, yes I was crying, but they will be reunited soon and they will be happy and in no pain with no worries
mostly a lurker chapter 1 . 10/7/2010
Wow. Just wow. What a powerful story. I loved it! I loved how you started and ended with remembrance, as if he were speaking to me. I'm not a crier, yet I was teary at the end. So beautiful, so painful, so gritty and real. Beautiful, beautiful job.

Good luck in the contest!

Mal

p.s. small point: it's 'okay' not 'o.k.'
asiula chapter 1 . 10/5/2010
That was such a good story!

Tho I cried that she didn't make it :(
dellaterra chapter 1 . 10/4/2010
I look up from my computer screen, surprised to discover that I am still in a warm, cozy bedroom and not a cold mountain village caught in the crossfire of war, or at the bedside of an aged soldier and master storyteller.

I sigh and brush away the tears that have fallen as I emerge from this vivid world you have so skillfully created. The authentic voice of your narrator, the canon details written in with the lightest of touches, the historical realism have all captivated me.

Thank you so much for taking the time and care to create this wonderful, sad story. Good luck in the contest!
The Cullen's Secret chapter 1 . 10/3/2010
I am sobbing as I write this but I have no other words than it was beautiful ... just beautiful :')

Xxx 3
PrincessKris chapter 1 . 10/2/2010
Didn't really expect the end. That was sad and it made me cry. It was a great one-shot and it really felt complete at the end. Thank you for writing and good luck.
Twilightobsessed09 chapter 1 . 9/30/2010
This was riveting!

While reading it was as if I was transcended through your words.

Such beautiful story with a sad yet hopeful ending.

I loved how you brought it across through Edward's eyes..

Thank for sharing this and good luck...
kmfroggi chapter 1 . 9/30/2010
wow, moving and powerful and love. wonderful story, heartbreaking, but truely wonderful. great writing!
se314 chapter 1 . 9/30/2010
I loved this :)
colourfulchatterbox chapter 1 . 9/29/2010
:'(

Best war love story EVER.

I love the way you told the story. :)

Sad that Bella died and heartbroken for Edward but I see that if Bella had lived it would not have been realistic at all. :(

Thank you for writing this.
tilly77 chapter 1 . 9/27/2010
Wow! That was so moving, so beautifully written. You've really captured the time and given us a taste of what it must've been like. Just amazing.
HoochieMomma chapter 1 . 9/27/2010
Beautiful, beautiful poignant story. You really capture the quiet desparation he felt, and perfectly nailed the mood of the time!
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