|Reviews for Someone Unexpected|
| pf-joseph chapter 2 . 1/9/2012
Hmm. An interesting story of sorts, with Kino encountering another as well versed in handling firearms as herself.
I feel that the tempo of the start is too quick; the way they bumped into each other and the pace at which they grow intimate could have been drawn out longer, and described in more detail.
The male character you introduced could also use some unique description, so he would stand out from the generic 'J-RPG male' stereotype.
Still, the story is good so far. Looking forward to more from you!
| Therese Lyke chapter 2 . 3/26/2011
Hi! Uhm... I'm a friend of the person that should be the one evaluating your freaking story but he is too freakin' lazy to do it himself XD Don't tell him I said that. (His name starts with a J if you can't figure out who I'm talking about XP)
Okay! First off the plot is a little, well unclear. You should describe the emotion of each character like it was you in their position. Clarify why are they feeling that way and why they are acting that way.
Second is the transition of the events is way to fast. You should slow down. The reader won't be able to catch up to the story and like what I just said, give more details.
Third, the plot is predictable to me :) I don 't know about the others but I have a feeling that the characters will have a certain relationship to one another that is more that friends.
But! This is a great start :) Don't be in a hurry to finish a chapter, don't pressure yourself and just have fun writing this fanfic :) Write what you want to write and don't hold back those ideas in your head. Keep it up :)
| MostlyxShortxStories chapter 1 . 2/12/2011
I like it! You should definitely continue it :)
| chocochips-icecream-lover chapter 1 . 1/3/2011
please continue i really wanna know what happens next