Reviews for The Variable Star
Annabelle chapter 1 . 3/2/2014
I know this fic is several years old so there probably isn't much point in leaving a review bu this story was really good! I love stories that give background to the Commanders and this one was excellent. (Also props for what I'm assuming were Saturn and Jupiter cameos)
phionexxx chapter 1 . 1/18/2013
Oh my shiny ARCEUS that was flipping epic
madsnivy chapter 1 . 7/10/2012
So...cyrus had a crush on mars in their youth? The navy hair and faded bluue hair allusions made me think so.
The Matter's Settled chapter 1 . 5/6/2012
Wow this story is amazing. It is unbelievable how creative you are and how you made Mars come alive in this fic.
simon chapter 1 . 5/2/2011
Mars seemed so real. The way her life seemed in her youth, until the collapse of Team Galactic. It just sounded so sad with a little bit of hope... I can't find the right words for this, but this story is a work of art in my eyes. And beleive me when I say this; I've read over 100 stories from this site and I have reviewed only a few of them. the stories that I have reviewed are the ones that have taken my attention.

This is one of the best that I have read.

I wish you the best of luck in whatever you choose to write next.
cleana chapter 1 . 12/12/2010
oh my lord, the description is absolutely beautiful ;A; I'm in awe.
aestheticisms chapter 1 . 12/11/2010
This amazing, really. It's beautiful, and I don't think I have anything else to say.


Liusa-The-Wandering-Maniac chapter 1 . 11/21/2010
Wow. I never understood the extent of mars' insanity, so thanks for enlightening me.
deleted112216 chapter 1 . 10/1/2010
Hmm, a reckless mind. Followed the prompt well, and it seemed quite in line with what Mars might have actually thought about her life.

bijou chapter 1 . 9/19/2010
Ok, so now I can finally give you a good review even if it's late.


I really, really like how you made Mars seem real. You mention in the first part that she's "wealthy, educated, talented, and proudly intelligent... notably easy on the eyes" which makes the question "Why would she want to be in Team Galactic?" come into my mind.

You can already tell that she has basically everything that she wants which refuels the question. I think that's what makes this so great - she just is never satisfied until the end, I guess.

I really, really like these kinds of plots - where the main girl is like this. Where she transitions from bad (or good, depending on how you look at it) to even worse in the beginning (or middle) of her life. It makes this sort of special, in a way.

Hopefully I haven't confused you because I tend to be very, very confusing with my reviews! And maybe this review won't be ten thousand words long either haha


"She could even become an astronaut if she fancied." That almost hinting in a way that she'll come to join Team Galactic - because of the mentions of space in the second paragraph of the second part.

"Thinking back, bullying had been the only thing she enjoyed about schol life."

That sentence isn't special but it makes me sad. Really sad.


"As much as her life was ssafely bound by her fate, it was not even remotely close to placating her." I love this.


"On that day she trudged her way through Mount Coronet with her resume and papers in her arm, she had a discontented scowl on her lips. They had postponed the interview just as she stepped into the city – honestly, she knew people these days were largely selfish and inconsiderate, but to cause her so much trouble for something she wasn't even keen about – she thought they needed to be punished."

You really show off her character in this paragraph; you add just the slightest more depth to her though than what I see in the games. Actually, you add a lot. I'm not good at character development or anything of that sort but you seem to excel at it! :)


"This was her, this was what she was built to do – all those years had been wasted on petty people and aimless dreams. To an extent, it was funny how she never realised that this was her calling all along. And she started to laugh in an unbridled way with eyes wide open, her voice high and triumphant, sated heart palpitating wildly in her chest.

Decked awash in the colour of Mars, her only aspiration was to become a Commander."

The strongest words. I love it. Just beautiful.


Now, your style seems the slightest different from what I've recently read. The sentences aren't three hundred words long (kidding, sort of! :P) and the vocabulary seems larger. That just makes this piece even more beautiful to me because you just keep on improving with your writing!

Also, I love the title. Actually I love basically anything that has the word "Star" in it but, still, I love it.

Keep on being amazing.

nicoleta chapter 1 . 9/18/2010
holy crap, that was amazing
Bijouie chapter 1 . 9/17/2010
oh my gosh, I love this. Expect a long, long spazzy review later. have to go to school.
quintilis chapter 1 . 9/16/2010
Nice work! I always love when minor characters are made into protagonists and their personalities are fleshed out. It's really refreshing.

Also, I found it so oddly coincidential that your inspiration quote is the same one I've had on my profile for months!
xxkoffeexx chapter 1 . 9/16/2010
Oooh, I like Mars. Especially the way you wrote her here. I'd love to know how she copes when Team Galactic falls.