|Reviews for Time Out! Substitution!|
| kaito136 chapter 7 . 11/20/2011
Heh Ui and Satoshi! Nice pairing! just 1 thing to note is if im not wrong, guys and girls palm reading uses different hand. i cant rmb the exact one but if girls is left, guys would be right. so satoshi's reading might not be accurate in this sense.
| Sarendune chapter 7 . 2/24/2011
Ah, an interesting fic that has a plot and everything! A quirky, lighthearted plot that would fit right along any slice of life story.
Normally when I see people take a side character and expand on them, it's because they don't think they can handle writing a main character. This was delightfully subverted as the nature of the story forced them to behave in such a way as to make them in character for both themselves *and* the people they were substituting for.
As for the writing I would say that it kept me in the story fairly well, I have a few nitpicks I'll comment on in my critique part of the review. But what I liked was that it was very easy to get behind what the characters were going through. I felt embarrassed for the characters at the right times, I was touched by the romance parts, the nervous apprehension over the performance was felt...
I often say that writing is much like playing an instrument. That instrument is the emotion of the readers. A good writer can evoke the right emotion at the right time without making discord. I would say you succeeded in that regard.
A collection of semi personal biases aimed at helping writers in much the same way that I wish people would help me during my brainstorming sessions.
I would say that the word "Freud" has lost all meaning in this work. It was referenced multiple times a chapter it seemed, and it served as an entire conversation point. I think a mix up in prose would have been beneficial of conveying your point to the readers.
The last chapter didn't flow as well as the previous chapters did. The confrontation between the two delinquents and the light music club felt a little bit off. I hate to drop spoilers but I feel I should be specific here; Mio came off a little bit mean to someone whom she has known for most of her life (starting to whenever she started going over to Ritsu's house.) Annoyed? Embarrassed? Incredulous? Sure. And Azusa was almost a missed opportunity, she and Ui were virtually best friends; lots of conversation/emotion to explore there. But the portrayal was spot on so I guess it's a push.
And finally the main protagonist. He handled that way too calmly. You built up that he was embarrassed and couldn't believe he was doing this, his anxiety was the main focus for half the story. He gets found out and his character was fairly nonchalant about the whole affair.
| Mask Rider Roy chapter 7 . 11/12/2010
Great chapter and great ending...but still you should post the lyrics in Japanese since the place is in Japan...
other than that, good work.
Also, I'm inviting you to check out my other K-On fics...
and I updated "first Romance"...if you have time, R & R. Thanks.
| Mask Rider Roy chapter 6 . 11/12/2010
| Mask Rider Roy chapter 4 . 11/12/2010
that was shocking...yuri elements here as Mio like Ritsu...now this is awkward...
| Mask Rider Roy chapter 2 . 11/12/2010
That was quite a situation for the HTT...with Ritsu and Yui down with sickness,Satoshi and Ui would have to take their places...
Though I'm still new about Satoshi being paired with Ui...I guess thisis better than pairing with Yui...he would "suffer" from Yui's shenanigans...
| Thyrokio chapter 7 . 10/7/2010
Nicely done, I think Mio kinda overreacted but I really liked your story.
| Christine chapter 7 . 10/6/2010
I gotta say aside from Satoshi's potty mouth, the ending was rather "AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW" Fluff indeed.
I definitely support this couple now thanks to you :)
| 61wisampa chapter 7 . 10/6/2010
eeee!~~ SatoshiXUi! XD bagong pairing na naman to o! great ending by the way! and with stuffed bunny part... XD so cool... but imagining Satoshi performing in a skirt is really weird...
anyway, great story! and thanks a lot for updating and finishing this story!
| chromate chapter 7 . 10/5/2010
I think this is one of the few K-on fic that I come to really like in this site. Not only because it protrays a more refreshing couple but also the funny plot. One thing I'll note is that Satoshi's narration could be made more subtle/sarcastic to create a more relaxing atmosphere. Overall speaking I really like this fic and hope you'll post the sequel soon ]
| 2502701 chapter 7 . 10/5/2010
| Kirino chapter 7 . 10/5/2010
*cough* Other than misspelling Azusa's surname (it's Nakano), you're doing great!
| SleepyHydrilla chapter 7 . 10/5/2010
You've made my day! Ow! Great scenes! I love the part of argument between Satoshi and Mio... That just hot! XD
Looking forward for the next fic! Keep up the good work!
| 61wisampa chapter 6 . 10/4/2010
oh hohoho... BUSTED! i knew they wouldn't last that long! XDXD that last part was hilarious! XD at ang cut nina Ui at Satoshi XDXD love it!
| Kirino chapter 6 . 10/2/2010
I don't see why the rest of HTT, especially Sawa-chan would be displeased at this turn of events. Mio and Azusa would probably be confused, while Sawako and Mugi would just be pleasantly amused.
But disregarding that, I like the Satoshi/Ui fluff. Never thought I knew anyone else who ships this pair. I'm not fond of lesbian incest; I prefer my incest het (*cough*Amagami*cough*Miya*cough*Junichi*cough*).
Good job sir, nipah~