|Reviews for Charity Burbage and the New Prince|
| Guest chapter 9 . 7/28/2012
Love this. Hope for more soon!
| Regin chapter 9 . 2/15/2012
I Like, I Lust, I Love!Please Update Soon!
| SerenaPotterSailorMoon chapter 9 . 4/28/2011
That surprised me that the man was the werewolf. I truely hope he doesn't hurt charity or the cute baby girl. Keep up the wonderful stories. Your great at it!
| Chrysalis1986 chapter 9 . 3/13/2011
I'm terrible with reviews, I usually don't know what to say but here it goes...omg! you are an awesome writer. I've read three of your stories and they were interesting and well written and I can't wait to find out what happened to Charity. Thanks for taking time to write and post these amazing stories.
| Metropolis Kid chapter 9 . 3/12/2011
Well, well PLEANTY of conflict in this chapter. ;p And that was definitely what I was missing because I loved this chapter! Everything - from Natalie's panicked hiding in the beginning, to the eerie-ness of the shop when charity knew something was wrong but not quite what, the Savu's reveal and mustache twirling to the battle at the end - was just GREAT. 'Course NOW would be when you'd decide to put the fic on hold. :( But, I'm trying not to dwell on that... too much, and just enjoy the new, captivating chapter.
Poor Lenny though: All ready to propose to one girl only to have her go into hiding to avoid him, and he saves the life of another... only to have her refuse his offer of a date. At least she could've gone out for a platonic cup of coffee and a biscotti with the guy... maybe tried to offer some advice to help him out with Natalie. But I suppose after nearly having your baby kidnapped and getting mauled by a vampire one would be a little on edge and not in the most... er, considerate of moods.
Anyway, it was a very fun and exciting chapter. You even managed to make we both a little nervous and a little curious when Savu was making his offer. I was thinking, she can't possibly take him up on this, right? Something's gotta happen to save her. I mean what would the rest of this story be like if the main character was turned by a vampire? Would she become a fledgling and have to try to scheme an escape or what? Or would she become a helpless thrall and have to rely on a rescue expedition where someone killed the vampire to set her free from his grip? And what effect would any of this have on the third part of this trilogy? So yeah, I was a little curious how that could play out... but in the end, I'm glad you kept things as they are. Although a bit intriguing, I don't think either of those other two scenarios really fit this story... and I'm enjoying THIS story quite a bit. ;)
So yeah, very good chappie... EVEN STILL *please*, tell me little Bnickel isn't really dead and will be recovered from... whatever that monster did to him next chapter.
And in closing, I'd just like to point out a couple of small things that stood out to me:
Hehe, cute description of the unconventional mail service that apparently relies on doves as much as owls. ;)
"Hey there, poppet,"
PotC reference by any chance? ;p
And a couple of things that I believe are minor typos:
"Natalie giggled lightly as the bunny her chin, and despite herself, Charity smiled."
What did the bunny do to her chin? I must know! ;p
"Savu grip the child even closer to him, cradling her in one arm"
I believe that should be "gripped", not "grip".
"'Do it now. Kill bloody wanker!' she shouted."
Seems like there should be a "the" in there somewhere. O_o
Anyway, thanks again for the very fun update. :D As well as that little shout out you gave me and my fics at the end. ;)
Have a good day, and God bless.
| N.Mirz chapter 9 . 3/12/2011
ahhhh at last! I really miss Snape though. I'll wait for when Deanna goes to Hogwarts and starts asking questions about her dad. ;)
| emcee31 chapter 5 . 2/21/2011
Er, shouldn't bèbè be bébé? Otherwise, it would sound like 'bare bear'.
| emcee31 chapter 4 . 2/21/2011
I thought she wasn't all that hot at Potions?
| emcee31 chapter 3 . 2/21/2011
I love it! I need a wand...
| Master of the Boot chapter 8 . 2/20/2011
You were in london? How fascinating.
Personally I rather like the Charity/Oliver Romance. This penny chick must be pretty good for Oliver not to jump on Charity.
That said, while other complained about a lack of action, I just sat back and enjoyed the subdued romance. It was quite fun, I'd like to say.
And I'm updating the Big Hellsing, so hang on Tight!
Master of teh Boot
| Metropolis Kid chapter 8 . 2/20/2011
Hmmmm, I'm sorry to say that my review this time is not going to be completely complimentary. You see while reading the opening section here I found that I wasn't enjoying it all that much. (That's not to say that I wasn't enjoying it at all... just not as much as I typically enjoy your writing). So, I started trying to pinpoint why. The interactions were fine - even a little sweet and cute - and believable enough. So it wasn't that. For awhile I was stumped, trying to figure out what my hang up was, but then it finally occurred to me as I thought back to what had made Potion Master so riveting and engaging. It was the conflict. The thing is, while sweet, common day interactions are more believable and would be ideal for life in the real world. It's conflict which drives a story. Conflict that makes it engaging and keeps us on the edge of our seats wondering what's going to happen next. And this sequel, unfortunately, seems to have very little conflict. Everything happens so easily (at least over the last four or so chapters), and seems to work out just right without requiring much effort. In essence there aren't enough square pegs that the characters have to figure out how to make fit in round holes. It all simply falls together, and while that might be glorious in real life it sort of saps a story's vitality.
Now, I don't mean to say this was bad, or that I didn't enjoy it. In fact, I laughed and smiled and chuckled just about all the way through the scene in the Carré. I especially enjoyed the painter-mime. :D That whole scene was funny, whimsical, and the description of the magical center provided a delightful, if short lived, escape from real life (something we all could use our little escapes from). ;)
It also set up a tiny bit of conflict with the injection of Penny. I mean I'm sure that most of your reads are already pretty positive that Charity and Oliver are going to end up together by the end, so bringing in a preexisting girlfriend for the latter creates an obstacle to overcome. Granted, not too much time has been spent on that obstacle so far, *even still* it's been introduced and that introduction added even more excitement to what was already the best part of this chapter (IMO): the painting of Charity and Oliver at the end. ;D
So yeah, I did enjoy this chapter overall, and even the parts I didn't enjoy all that much still weren't bad. The painter/mime and fling balls of paint made me laugh, and the energy of the Carré provided me with a much needed, temporary escape from the occasionally very mundane, normal life. OH, and hung-over Natalie made me chuckle too, especially with this line: "Who's that gorgeous man with your child, and why is he torturing her?" and her brief argument with Charity over whether the baby was screeching or laughing. :) I do hope though that the little bits of potential conflict I'm seeing (I.E. Oliver's other girl and that mysterious hooded figure) eventually rise to a boiling point, rather than fizzling out. Every story needs a little conflict after all. ;)
Oh, before I go, just a couple of small things:
"bright eyed and bushy tailed this morning"
Hmmmm, was that meant as an Easter Egg? _
"Frère Jacques, frère Jacques,Dormez-vous? Dormez-vous? Sonnez les matines. Sonnez les matines. Din, dan, don. Din, dan, don."
Hehe, the only French song I know - because it's a well known children's song of course - makes an appearance. :) I was happy to see that. ;)
Well, thanks for the update. Like I said, I really did enjoy it over all. :) And I hope I didn't hurt your feelings at all with my little negative comments, especially after all the pestering I did for you to update this weekend and how you were so accommodating in doing that. It really is a good story, just needs a might more conflict 'tis all.
Have a good day, and God bless.
| N.Mirz chapter 8 . 2/20/2011
nothing new on Mr. Savu? apart from that mystery, I don't really know for what aim I follow this story. I don't mean any offense though, your writing is awesome, but I don't know what I'm supposed to be waiting for.
| N.Mirz chapter 7 . 1/16/2011
if Oliver and Charity get into a realationship...I...I...I wont read it anymore! she just shouldn't do that! it's betraying snape's memory! AND it will be very unromantic!
BTW what's with the creepy Mr. Savu? savu? reminds me of severus...ohhh I know there's no way of brining him back, but I can dream can't I?
| Metropolis Kid chapter 7 . 1/15/2011
Hey, Lila, I just got home a little while ago, and guess what I found... an alert informing me that this story had been updated. And on Saturday too! I was so surprised - very pleasantly surprised.
Anyway, I really enjoyed the new chapter, especially since stuff is finally starting to happen. Ah, but more on that in a bit. First, I think I should mention the one hang up I've got here. I did enjoy the opening section, and I thought it was quite cute to see Charity interacting with her child. Even still, I think that maybe the child was just a bit too... um, mature. I mean I've yet to have kids, so I'm not going from personal experience on this, but would a two week old really have already developed a "serious demeanor"?
Well, anyway, I thoroughly enjoyed the rest. Your brief description of Carre Magique was enough to capture my imagination and really make me hope the we get to see the inside of the magic square sometime later in the story. :)
We got some more mystery with that hooded figure (hmmmmm, that ain't that guy-who-shall-not-be-named person starting to recover from old wounds was it?) and his interest in the child - which apparently Charity doesn't remember. (BTW I thought that scene was handled very well.)
And then, Ollie showed up. Oh, 'bout that, I'm just curious if I'm taking this too literally: "Then she flung open the door and leaped into the arms of Oliver Wood." Did she actually leap INTO his arms? Like jump up, latch unto his neck and have him carry her in... or do you mean it more like she embraced him in a tight hug? Not really sure which image I like more, just curious which is 'canon'. Anyway, that was a very cute scene. And I quite liked the fact that Oliver's first reaction was to offer to scoop her up and take her away from her 'problems', BUT he was quick to accept it when he discovered that she wasn't looking for someone to rescue her and wanted to stay. His first emotional reaction was protective, but he didn't insist or linger upon the idea once he discovered that wasn't what she wanted. He just let the subject drop and let the conversation move onto their next logical topic. :)
So, anyway, nice update. :D Glad to see you were able to make it this weekend after all. ;)
Have a good day, and God bless.
PS. "One day they ventured onto the [*]Metro[*] and took it north where they climb the hill to Sacre Couer."
Was that a reference... or is that really what they're called? O_o
| N.Mirz chapter 6 . 1/6/2011
I hope Deanna goes to Hogwarts, yes?