|Reviews for The Knightly Heirs|
| DigitalMG chapter 6 . 7/2/2013
About time you update this story. I actually have an account of the same name as above, but for some reason I can't login today. Anyway, hope you keep this story up because you don't find many of these Digimon hybrids stories on the site.
| The Silent Insomniac chapter 1 . 2/11/2011
Your premise is interesting, that's the best I can say about your story.
But if you want to take your writing quality up a notch, you shouldn't have spoonfed us the character sheets or the world's background. Instead you could have gone off into a proper exposition.
I also saw the way you handled the 2nd chapter (well, the first if you didn't count the "intro"). First, parentheses aren't necessary when providing bits of information like "This is how Freya protects Asta from human bullies". Second, you didn't have to outright identify the POV's you were using. Line breaks and creative management of the narrative would be more than enough for that.
Third, you need to be more descriptive in the way you write. "human-like buildings" fails to capture the imagery. And phrases such as "Patamon-like ears" or something to that effect, imo, falls below the standards of the "show, don't tell" axiom I adhere to.
As for the plot itself, NEVER REVEAL YOUR PLOT TWISTS. I read that part about the antagonists' own hybrid and it would've provided an awesome opportunity for you to wow the readers. Another thing you might want to look into is the innovation on the plot itself. Give the other primary bad guys some character. Don't make 'em your generic evil villains that the heroes must-and eventually will-trample on to proceed with their mission. :)
Hope that helps
| The Exiled Outcast chapter 2 . 9/26/2010
I already love your story! Can't wait to see it in action! Also, the name of the Armor-Level Royal Knight isn't Magmamon, it's Magnamon