|Reviews for Reborn|
| AltenativeFutureFan27 chapter 12 . 5/11/2015
Such a Piece of Art you build in this fic
| Fate T. Nekoi -Angel Orie chapter 34 . 11/15/2014
This story was quite interesting. Although many see the use of a significant OC to be a 'sin' in a story, yours in my view was not half bad. Almost all characters ended up OOC though, which could explain so little reviews; people tend to be too focused on cannon-related personalities. -shrugs-
It might sound strange but I kinda liked the bloodline connections you made in this. 'Uncle' Dark was a new one for me. -giggles- And finally someone decided to make something about Ganondorf's family! (but you kinda made a plothole the size of the USA when you said Ganondorf had a brother; in the game story it says ONE male is born every thousand years, it would be impossible for Ganon to have a GERUDO father alive, much less a brother.)
In the end you never did gave us Dark's true name. Might enlightening us?
| Guest chapter 34 . 5/17/2014
'Tis quite the story you've got there. A few spelling errors, but otherwise grammatically sound. Not to mention an intriguing plot line with enough surprises and twists to keep even one like me entertained to the point of reading it three times. My compliments. I have greatly enjoyed reading your story all three times and will probably read it again at some point. I'm weird like that.
| Renate chapter 34 . 10/9/2013
Please make more. It would be really fun to see how it did go with them
| Duskinator chapter 34 . 9/14/2013
Can you just PM me Dark's real name?
Then everything will be perfect.
| Duskinator chapter 10 . 9/13/2013
Not even one review?
| Duskinator chapter 3 . 9/13/2013
I LOVE IT!
And also...34 chapters?! *sigh* I'm only on chapter 3... :(
| Resident Evil Lionhart chapter 34 . 1/21/2013
Is there no way you could have told us Dark's real name?
| Ganheim chapter 1 . 10/29/2012
aware to his surroundings
its dandruff seemed to blend
[I don’t think that a scale-skinned creature can have dandruff, I’m pretty sure true skin is required for that]
from the wall and there wasn't
[I think that your ideas are running together: you’re describing objects in the cell, then there’s a sudden description that’s linked to manacles by proximity but makes no sense with them (manacles by nature have openings). Breaking to a new sentence would make then make sense for shifting to describing a different aspect of the room. I do want to point out that for visual perception, there would have to be SOME light coming from somewhere]
comfortable feeling, familiar and comforting
taken their tool
And he was bold
[As opposed to italic?]
his living serves?
them to be hour
knowing he was only fulfilling a physical need
[But if he’s immune to hypothermia and the need for sleep, would he even need to eat?]
at his surrounding with
an animalistic instinct caused
[No need for ‘animalistic’, I think that “avoid or otherwise deal with things coming at you” is pretty well built into most living things]
it was enough to fight decently
so he better trust his body
[This serves the purpose but is very inelegant. Maybe recall back to automatic reflex, which avoids the question of whether he can have highly developed muscle memory?]
This one is the Spin Attack
[Ugh. I was hoping for some proper fencing terms, not Game Regurgitation. The “spin attack” is a neat maneuver, but nobody in their right mind would use a move like that in real life: it exposes your back and sides]
hoping they would dry until the next day
[before the next day?]
agonizing to breath
exhausted by the extreme torture
[I don’t think we have tnough information about this world to call this “extreme”]
as if he hadn't noticed it just now
for a positive answer. "Permission
[Source Mixing: it’s bad grammar (and simply poor writing) to trail one character’s dialog and actions into another character’s. Separate the paragraph]
but jumped to his legs
[I don’t think he’d be up to this: if he’s a magic construct of some sort he shouldn’t have the superfluous energy to waste. If he’s a flesh-and-blood being like a human he shouldn’t have the strength to do this so shortly after vomiting blood]
two of the lizard directly
unaware of one's plans
[of “his/its”, otherwise you’re throwing uncertainty where it doesn’t need to be]
in on guard position
[I’m not certain what this is supposed to say]
[It’s exceedingly unlikely that a middle-age society would have an indoor shower – even the Indus Valley, the first civilization ever recorded to have plumbing, didn’t have such, and trying to throw it in removes a lot of the period consistency from the story]
he had enough showering with buckets over a draining hole
[Wasteful to, a “mediterranean bath” used a washtub usually about 1m across and only one hand-bucket to conserve water. This remained a staple of cleanliness until the advent of heated plumbing]
lizard's axe like tail
moved hectically from
[Odd, I understand a swinging motion or something like that, but ‘hectic’ implies wild and irregular motion, which doesn’t fit most living creatures]
and he welcomed every challenge
[Acknowledging isn’t always welcoming]
Your characterization is a little sparse and you have extremely little information about the surrounding world itself. You also leave out certain events frequently – moving from his cell to training is a common thing to cut, but after he asked to visit the library there was no hint that he does anything other than train. Your grammar, sentence construction, and word use also feel extremely rough and unpolished – I’m not sure if you don’t go over your chapters before posting or if a number of constructs just slip through, but the characters aren’t made to seem deep and the settings don’t seem at all vibrant. I can tell you like your main character, but you’re not putting in the effort to really tell us who/what he is. Sure, “dark link” is in the character data in your story, but the Legend of Zelda is extremely flexible in the particulars of its characters and Link has only two cameos in the entire series: once in a fight in Link’s Adventure, and another similarly brief fight in Ocarina of Time. In short: don’t simply assume we’ll like your characters and setting, put details there to MAKE us like it, or it lacks any depth or sense of (simulated) reality.
| Rooj chapter 34 . 5/8/2011
I really liked reading that one, it was fun. Although a few fight scenes flitted by too fast for me I think the rest of it makes up for those moments. I liked the gritty details and the depth too and it was just a lot of fun to read!
| Gold-Eyed-Fox chapter 34 . 4/30/2011
Hehe, wow. I just stumbled across this story, and I'm pretty impressed. You've got some talent. I personally don't care if you update again, but if you do, I've subscribed~ bye bye~
| Sora Kuraiika chapter 10 . 2/26/2011
You keep misspelling Gerudo. That is my review. Everything else is fine though, but I'm wondering when Link will show up.
| hopelessmasochist89 chapter 34 . 12/29/2010
Awesome story! I think a sequel would be perfect! Awesome work. Dark rules.
| Colombia chapter 34 . 12/23/2010
A clean, easy read. Thank you
| Lalita chapter 10 . 12/23/2010
Aww I'm sorry nickyfullmetal. I was really into the story and eagerly kept searching for more chapters :P
I am flattered, keep up the good work :D