|Reviews for Dreams|
| Abbl2 chapter 1 . 10/4/2012
i love this one. so sad. i wouldve liked to have heard his speach, though. but was still amazing.
| Duckyumbrella chapter 1 . 2/26/2011
Aww poor Remus:( He's too good a person to have to go through so much:( This was brilliantly written, and I loved how you had Andromeda comforting Remus and the part about her not trusting Peter. Great job:)
P.S. I hate eggs too:P
| ReviewsGalore chapter 1 . 12/26/2010
The following is a graded review. Your fan fiction will be ranked in five categories on a 0-10 scale. This review is only the opinion of a single reader and you are free to disregard it if you wish. For more information, see my profile. Feel free to reply or to contact me with any questions or concerns.
Story: 7.75/10. I really liked the ending of this story and it certainly has an emotional impact. I’m not sure that it was necessary to set the whole story up as a dream – it seems like you could have just told the story without it being a dream.
Characters: 6.5/10. Remus shows a lot of emotion in this piece and he isn’t out of character, exactly, but I think you risk making him unsympathetic by laying on the melodrama pretty thick. I know that his best friends have just died, but I’d like to see a wider range of emotion than this shrieking anger mode.
Creativity: 6.75/10. Fics dealing with grieving are very common in this fandom. This one does have some original moments, but I would like to see more.
Writing: 6.25/10. Your style is very promising in places and I think that it is strongest when it verges into stream of consciousness territory. I enjoyed Remus’ internal thoughts and wondered if the whole fic would have worked better in first person. You seem to have some formatting problems with your paragraphs and some passages sound very awkward. An example would be “He had held himself together all day, yesterday and the night before and the night before” – the double use of “the night before” is confusing and it is unclear whether “all day” refers to that day or yesterday.
Believability: 6/10. I think that you lay on the angst so thick that it makes it a little difficult for me to believe the emotion of the story throughout. In the beginning you have the thing about Voldemort being defeated at “the small price of James and Lily Potter” and it just seems so random that someone would be saying that – I never quite believe it. It seems like it is just in there to stir up sympathy for your main character. You do a have a lot of detail to place me into the scene which works well, though.
Overall: 6.75/10. This story flows fairly well, but I think you lay on the angst pretty thick and it makes the story hard to believe.
Thanks for paying attention to my concerns and good luck in the future.
| Stina Whatever chapter 1 . 9/23/2010