|Reviews for The New Life|
| Hana Verrier chapter 37 . 6/19
*cringing so fucking hard at the dramione*
| sugarmybutt chapter 44 . 5/11
I loved the story! You did a great job overall with grammar and spelling for it not being your first language. However, sais is not a word I think you meant says... well either way I loved it. Keep on writing!
| Calmzone1 chapter 44 . 5/7
What an interesting story. I am kinda sad that you still killed off Sirius rather than having him be rescued by Harry pulling him towards him, after all he did summon his Firebolt from the school. He still could have gone after Bella next, and Dumbledore would stilll have grabbed Elijah, then Sirius would have discovered what Dumbledore had done to Harry for his Greater Good, he could have even been part of the rescue party with Snape...hm, perhaps an Alternate ending? I always just hate the raw deal that Sirius got from life and Dumbledore, because any normal headmaster would have stopped him from going after Severus, perhaps even paired them together in everything to let them realize they were more alike than they realized, especially after returning after 2nd year and spending the summer with their 'loving' relatives. Sirius then spent 13 years in hell, having no time to grow up, resenting Snape for being given a trial which he didn't have...etc.
So, critiique... you are a really strong writer, you put a lot of thought into making sure you stay true to your characters' demands and follow the plot line through to your conclusion.
Helpful critique- after you post a chapter, re-read it through with an eye to spelling errors, watch for red underlines, by the time you do a 2nd editing run through there should be no red lines unless it is American to British. Really watch for correctly spelled words that are incorrect, dropped letters, etc. Pretend you are going to submit your work to an editor to potentially get published. They keep a pad of paper, or sometimes your cover letter, and make note of the spelling or grammar errors...when they reach 5 or 10 depending on the editor, your story has lost its chance.
You had some interesting errors... yaw for jaw, though and thought were often confused, and there were a bunch more in the earlier chapters, as well as a few they, their, they're, there errors. Your story was good enough and hooked me in from the start to see where you were taking it that my editor brain just made note, then continued reading. Good job. (I'm typing on an iPad so I do understand autocorrect errors or touchpad errors. )
| BarbyBells chapter 44 . 5/4
I loved it! An amazing story!
| Evan chapter 1 . 3/5
I may have let a few man-tears go at the end. :)
| Amberflames chapter 41 . 2/17
I had no idea English wasn't your vernacular language. You seem extremely fluent, more so that even I am, and English is my native language!
| Jazz'Cookie'Monster-5955 chapter 30 . 2/12
| RoseLilian chapter 44 . 2/6
I enjoyed your story, and the ending really surprised me. I'm not sure if Snape killed Dumbledore or if Dumbledore's killing curse was reflected back at him. Also not sure about how Harry being a Horcrux impacted things. From your AN's I got the idea that English is your second language, but the writing and grammar was really good. There were a few weird word choices (ie empathize instead of emphasize) but overall it was good,
| EmeraldSenpai chapter 18 . 1/16
For fucks sake, why didn't he defend himself against ron? This story had terrible character development, it's taking to long for him to turn dark.
| Hana chapter 37 . 1/12
my one and only complaint- Dramione...
| crystal484 chapter 44 . 1/7
thank you for all of your hard work
| Alex chapter 13 . 1/4
Your 'thought's and 'though's are getting mixed up. Overall, though, very good.
| Alex chapter 12 . 1/3
You seem to have a letter thief: from testrals to scolding water, you definitely should proofread this
| Alex chapter 8 . 1/3
And before we get too distracted:
"…and it seems like my little plead in the last chapter worked exceptionally good! "
WELL! Not good, things are good, things work well. Sorry, couldn't let it slide
| Alex chapter 8 . 1/3
I don't know quite how to structure my ideas, so I'll just start putting them down. First of all, I love the cuddly bits. I actually have very little problem with what people call OOCness, to me a different portrayal of a character is just another way they could have been. What bothers me is not inconsistencies from other sources (even canon) but inconsistencies within the universe. If you want to have Lucius Malfoy prancing around in heels (no I don't know where that came from), then as long as you explain why he is doing this and why he acted the way he did in the past, I don't think what his canon self would or would not do (like dressing up as a fairy princess-no brain why do you create such images) is at all relevant. Therefore, I don't think your Voldy, who is clearly much more human than his canon counterpart, is OOC to hug Harry.
Now, on a completely unrelated note, your spelling, while clearly run over with spellcheck, still lacks some polish. I would like to state a few of the most glaring errors, but a lot are just things that are simply lack of attention. One big thing: near the beginning of this fic Harry could not 'phantom' Dumbledore's motive; I do believe you meant 'fathom'. I've seen this error three times in the last two weeks and am confused by its sudden prevalence. The other big thing: while you usually use 'to' and 'too' correctly, occasionally you will write something like 'to big' or 'to fast' instead of 'too fast' which is what it should be.
Overall, despite occasional errors, I really like your writing style and you have a good command of the English language.