|Reviews for A Love that I Cannot Deny|
| kathleen.kelleyhendrickson chapter 1 . 3/27
WHY OH WHY IS THERE NO UPDATE! PLEASE CONTINUE THIS STORY!
| ParamuseAngel chapter 1 . 1/2/2012
please continue this story it's amazing
and I should be veryyyy sad if you are nog going to continue this story T_T
| wendy1969 chapter 1 . 5/15/2011
will you ever update this story because it sounds as though it may be interesting
| mrsjasperwhitlockcullenhale chapter 1 . 4/18/2011
write more i really really really love this story and want to read more please write more asap or i might just implode from wanting to read more of this story
| mrsjasperwhitlockcullenhale chapter 1 . 4/17/2011
write more please i really like this story but i can't love it till you write more x
| books of fantisy15 chapter 1 . 3/29/2011
That was totally amazing espexially the kiss I loved it and I hope that its continued and updated soon!
| Yuri of the Valley chapter 1 . 1/17/2011
Please Update soon... I just have a couple of comments...
•You need to work on your spelling and diologe a bit... maybe a beta could help...
•The last part at the very end kinda got me confused...
•and lastly, WILL YOU UPDATE SOME OF THESEs STORIES ALREADY PLEASE!
| Cookie Monster and Elmo chapter 1 . 12/24/2010
you had to leave it there of all places:( its a great cliff hanger. never got why they call it that. but anyways nice story hope you update soon.
| Werewolves-girl chapter 1 . 9/28/2010
Love this! Continue plz. Update soon.
| popila chapter 1 . 9/26/2010
it was good. :D write more!
| deathandfl0wersx chapter 1 . 9/26/2010
the kiss is awesome and I have ,too never been kissed
I love this chapter
| The-alice-cullen-freak chapter 1 . 9/24/2010
keep writing i love it!
| Bre chapter 1 . 9/24/2010
This is really good hope to see a chapter 2
| BloodRedStory chapter 1 . 9/24/2010
Like totally write more, I want to see what happens! Why did it have to stop?
| lanna-misssunshine chapter 1 . 9/24/2010
I like it so far, but you should maybe think about getting a beta to fix the spelling errors/typos cause there's quite a lot of them (e.g. you have "deni" in the title when it should be deny, you write "tough" instead of thought and "pleaser" instead of pleasure) and also a bunch of your sentences and dialogue just don't make sense. Like this bit for example:
""I'm sorry Bella. That should never have happened" He said, his head was hanging a bit, but he didn't back away from me.
"You really shouldn't," I said smiling to him"
It would be smiling AT him, but beyond that, the dialogue doesn't make sense - he says he's sorry and it should never have happened and her saying "you really shouldn't" doesn't make sense... he really shouldn't what? Be sorry? Shouldn't have done that? The dialogue was just kind of clumsy.
And then there were bits like this:
"Suddenly I felled his icy tong against my over lip, silently asking for exits, which I quickly gave him as I opened my mouth and fought an already loosed fight against his tong."
A tong is something girls use to curl their hair, so it should be tongue but more than that, the sentence was all wrong, I think you were aiming for this:
**Suddenly I felt his icy tongue against my lip, silently asking for entrance which I quickly gave him as I opened my mouth and fought an already lost fight against his tongue.
...But, that sentence is really - too much, too long, too rambling and clumsy and a lot of it isn't necessary (the last part especially - I mean, something like this would work: "I felt his icy tongue against my lip, silently asking for entrance which I quickly granted as I opened my mouth." - the bit about tongues fighting thing is just stating the obvious).
There's a lot more mistakes than that, those were just random examples but the chapter is full of them, a beta would maybe help with that if you got one who would correct more than just typos.
(And a few things plot-wise don't make sense - Alice and Edward not hearing Bella get out of bed when they have super human hearing, Bella and Jasper doing that where the rest of the family would hear because, again, super human hearing... Bella randomly deciding she's into Jasper and her almost lack of reaction to Alice/Edward and Jasper not suspecting anything even though he's an empath and Bella not telling Jasper about it.)
Please don't be offended by this, I mean it as constructive criticism, not a flame (and I'm guessing maybe English isn't your first language in which case the mistakes are totally understandable - but seriously, a beta would help with that so much).