|Reviews for RealGround|
| A.Q chapter 5 . 10/18/2010
Very nice :) It's well written yet again, with no glaring errors that I could see, but no part of it jumps out me as being particularly good/funny this time. It is of course, still an enjoyable read, and we can't be amazing all the time, can we?
Keep up the good work!
Awaiting the next chapter,
| nuttyjigs chapter 4 . 10/10/2010
I don't know...are you my evil twin or something? XD It just so happens that back here I'm writing a personal fic (which means I'll never be showing anyone, probably) that starts the same way, and I've always been wondering what Joshy was like before being Composer...ehh. Fangirlism? Meh.
Anyway, I like your writing style, and the thought of cute shota Josh whose age is nearly identical to mine...hee. Oh...ahem.
ANYWAY, I spotted a few grammar mistakes, but I wasn't able to catch them to, you know, put them here for concrit. But in any case, you have a great sense of first-person literature, which is hard to write, since you need to feel your character more than in third person. So, keep it up! :D
And LOL to the theories. Way to go, Yoshi-kun.
| A.Q chapter 4 . 10/5/2010
A very nice read once again.
I like how you wrote the storekeeper :) I did notice a few errors, but nothing major, and the last two theories were totally funny. ("Lots of people say serial killers are pretty cool." lol)
Keep up the good work,
| Boofeh chapter 3 . 10/1/2010
This is a great story! I really like your interpretation of the young, innocent Joshua. You're right that he couldn't always have been snarky. XD
Your story is well-written and a pleasure to read. Update soon! _
| A.Q chapter 3 . 9/28/2010
Better than the last!
Forgive me if it seems I'm playing grammar police and what not, but it says:
"Dad, can we go get… I hesitated. What stores were around Center Street?
There should more quotation marks after "get".
Ahem. But it was still very enjoyable once again.
Awaiting chapter 4, (or technically three since the first one is an author's note) - A.Q.
| Kyuuketsuki Fang chapter 3 . 9/28/2010
Awww, that was sweet. I was a bit worried about Joshua's parents fighting, but that ending was nice, and it did seem like they got a bit of bonding in. It's good to know that they didn't think he was a hallucinating freak all the time. Just kidding. :3
In this chapter, there's still the problem with the dialogue period/commas. Also, I noticed on the summary, you commented on 'a bad title and a summary.' Although most authors don't know this, but that sort of thing repels good readers like bug spray. It goes along the line of thinking "If this person can't summarize their own story, they either don't know what they're doing or their story must suck the same way." Besides, half the time, the summary /isn't/ bad. Yours is good, by the way.
Again, I love your outside take on the Reapers and Players, and in this chapter, particularly the Ramen Reaper. It kind of gave me the feeling that the Reapers weren't that bad, helping Joshua out like that.
Can't wait for the next installment
| Kyuuketsuki Fang chapter 2 . 9/27/2010
Haha, that Player guy who talked to Joshua was cool. :)
I'll admit, I never really thought about Joshua's 'before' story, so kudos to you for thinking of this. I like your writing style a lot, but I'll point out this grammar mistake:
When you write dialogue now, you use a period at the end, just like a regular sentence.
"I'm really sorry, sir."
Normally, this would be fine. However, you add:
"I'm really sorry, sir." The lady began.
Dialogue is in the same sentence as the 'she said/he shouted/the lady began' part. Therefore, you would use a comma after 'sir' instead of a period.
"I'm really sorry, sir," The lady began.
Further more, the 'T' in 'The' will be lowercase, because it is not the start of a new sentence.
"I'm really sorry, sir," the lady began.
Which would be proper grammar.
On the other hand, sentences like:
"I'm really sorry, sir." The lady looked down at her feet nervously.
"I'm really sorry, sir," the lady said. "Your son is schizophrenic."
would both be proper grammar because they are two different sentences. Understand?
Anyways, I didn't see any other things, so you did an excellent job with that. I feel sorry for the two Players who died, and I can see that it affected Joshua a lot to see them like everyday people. Although the schizophrenia part would be a really awkward situation to be put in.
And because you said you didn't know, to reply to a review, you can go on your email (if you have the review alert option on) and just click the reply URL that's right under the profile URL of the reviewer. Otherwise, you can go view your story reviews on FFN and click the little speech bubble option to the right of each review. The only times you cannot reply to a review is if your review is anonymous, meaning they don't have an account.
Hope this helps, and I'll be keeping an eye out for your story!
| A.Q chapter 2 . 9/25/2010
Schizophrenia, eh? That's interesting. Anyway, this is quite nice, especially for a first time. I did notice, however, that it says
"they always seemed "to" intent on their 'missions'". I believe that should be "they always seemed "too" intent on their 'missions'" Small mistake anyone can make. Also, it first says that Joshua is ten, the it says he's eleven, and I don't recall you mentioning him aging, though I may just have missed it.
But I repeat, quite nice.
Eagerly awaiting the next chapter- A.Q.