Reviews for Battle of Sparta: Rise of the Undead Pt 2
Yanderelove chapter 1 . 4/30/2011
this time in order

1. "There was only one issue, There was blood on the ground giving it that too good to be true aroma"

T in "There was blood on..." should be lower case, since there is a comma before, and not period.

Sounds like you wanted to say that the reality was not as good, because of blood. However, what you said confuses the reader, because it makes the reader wonder if you meant the smell of blood was too good to be true. (unless people around that time really liked the smell of blood)

2. "That was under control. Reiliana was cleaning it up."

First of all there is no reason for this to be in seperate paragraph, since this is still talking about the blood that was talked about in the previous paragraph. The paragraph should be seperated when you get into the seperate idea, which in this case was when you start describing Reiliana (since before that was describing the setting you were in. You can still put the "Reiliana was cleaning it up" in the previous paragraph since it would be a transitional sentence). Also, those two sentence should really be one sentence. It just makes it choppy. If you wanted to put emphasis on the "Reiliana was cleaning it up" then semicolon works better, but I do not know why you would.

3."Reiliana was maid in the house of Sparta."

Sparta is not Rhamnales' last name. Sparta is a name of the country, unless I am

to be continued lol