|Reviews for Wulf and Dark|
| Lady Fai chapter 2 . 8/25/2012
So Wulf is like a darker side of Dark. Or Dark is Wulf's "humanity." And Dark's a valkyrie? Cool.
I was wondering if I could add your 3 DNAngel stories to my community 'Non Yaoi Place.'
| PXLight chapter 2 . 2/10/2011
Haha wow, this is REALLY good! I look forward to the next chapter! )
| SlvrSoleAlchmst1 chapter 2 . 2/9/2011
I'm about to make myself sound like an ass, but I still have a bone to pick with the conversation in the beginning. *hides* I like the addition of "low, challenging whine" (it's hot? it's hot, I think *hides again*), but when you wrote "'It doesn't hurt,' Daisuke retorted impatiently, ignoring the throbbing to pretend it was true," that TOTALLY, TERRIBLY takes away from the power of Dark suddenly narrowing his eyes and surprising us a little by exclaiming, "Fuck you, Daisuke Niwa. We share a body. I know it hurts." I mean, it's not only shocking that Dark swears and stuff, but shocking because of the violent reminder that Daisuke totally can't lie to Dark, that Dark can see right through him and feel the things he feels. Also, Dark's dialogue shows us that Dai was lying his ass off about the pain, so you don't really need to spoil it/tell us that he's pretending it doesn't hurt a line earlier (when it's more effective to let Dark reveal it). I loved that sexy line of Dark's so much - mostly for the shocking effect it had on me as a reader for all those above reasons when I read your first draft - that I am DEMANDING that you take out the text after "It doesn't hurt," except for maybe "Daisuke retorted." TAKE IT OUT, GRRR.
I think everything else you added there will do. *smiles sweetly after the rampage* Nice job milking the tension.
I really do like the beginning part with Daisuke and Dark/Wulf. I want moooore!
I still think the poetry you composed is epic. However, now that it's published to FFN and I see it in the format FFN forces on you, I think you need to change something to make it stand out better. It looks really awkward to have your blocks of text between stanzas so close to the stanzas. Especially lower down, it's like all of a sudden there's a massively long line in the middle of your poem lines. Fuck FFN for its spacing, seriously. I'd... put the verse in italics, I guess. That would solve the issue. You would then have issues making "Hwaet" stand out, but that's one word and awkward formatting versus whole verses and awkward formatting...
I'm glad you made it a hare that Hafoc brings back and tears apart. It's still sad, but if you had said "rabbit" I might have refused to speak to you for a while. :P
Yeah, definitely italics for the verse, I'm thinking. The more I look, the more I think it makes more sense. Then you can get rid of the quotation marks? Meh, you might not agree with me on this, which is obviously fine, but... even if the caesura thing wasn't an issue, I'd still think FFN's STUPID formatting limitations are a detriment to the flow of your verse and I want to combat them somehow. Arrgh.
"there was 'black…' and there was 'wings….'" BLACK WINGS, HAR HAR. I noticed that before but don't think I made a big deal of it on your draft, LOL.
"something shoved him under and laughed with a pure and innocent cruelty." For some reason, this time around I have stopped to think hard about "pure and innocent cruelty" and question it. Pure cruelty, I can understand. But is cruelty ever really innocent? Hmn, if it ever is... well, you're lucky, because I seriously think that ONLY a valkyrie could pull that off. Innocent cruelty because they know no else, were born that way, were made for cruelty? ...I'm having trouble grasping it I think. *fail*
Anyway, this story is good. The way you write is good, and I do so love the differences in style when you write Daisuke and Dark versus when you tell an epic Old English tale.
"Because this is , the site doesn't support tabs or more than one space between words." Notice something missing that FFN took out? The URL you probably tried to put there. You can't do that on FFN. Why do you think I always write "FFN" or "fanfiction dot net?" LOL.
" modean52 / index. htm" Is that the full URL for THAT? Because I feel like something is missing from there, too. What URL starts with a dot? (I hate youuu, FFN!)
You need ENCOURAGEMENT to write this? But you're such a geek about it! I never would have guessed you needed anything other than your own interest to write more, you doofus. Good thing I live with you now. I can poke you and bug you to write more whenever you need me to.
| Fireflower19 chapter 2 . 2/9/2011
I'm stunned. Wulf and Dark or so similar... How is this going to pan out? And how exactly was Daisuke connected enough to receive Wulf?
Love the Old English setting to pieces! It's so interesting and incredibly well-written. I'm envious! I wasn't trying to find anything to bring you down with, but I couldn't find a single mistake. Instead I found a most wondrous journey! Your style effortlessly forms pictures in my mind. Brilliant! I WANT MORE!
You ROCK! You RULE! You are AWESOME! I can't imagine how much effort you've put into this... It's amazing, so thank you very much! I'm dying to know what's going to happen in the present now.
| Guest chapter 1 . 10/19/2010
This was great! I really liked it! Will you EVER update Mitsuki? Cause I really REALLY like that one.
| Fireflower19 chapter 1 . 10/3/2010
Wow! I'm horrible with remembering history (Old English poems included) but this had my full attention! It'll be lovely to read it all here. Beautifully detailed and written; I can't wait to see where you go with this! Daisuke here really surprised me, as well as the depth to his anger at everyone and everything. And what's with Dark? I'm excited to find out! Kudos for all the effort put into this! It's only the first chapter and it's already amazing!
| XfoxxbloodX chapter 1 . 10/3/2010
O. Mah. Gawd...
This is like the number one story I've read so far! It's awesome how Dark's back (missed him so much...hated how that ended...), and you've really got me hooked with Wulf. I can't wait to see what comes next, but I'll try to be paitent.
| Tobi Tortue chapter 1 . 9/28/2010
*looking forward to the romp*
Gah, it's really impressive how you've managed to capture two styles in one chapter. The beginning is cute/teenage angsty, and then the latter part is like Old English poetry, with bits of kenning and the like spattered in their. It's absolutely brilliant. :D I wish I could say more, but I really have no criticisms about this. I just want you to keep up the good work and write more. 3
| SlvrSoleAlchmst1 chapter 1 . 9/28/2010
BUNNY! So cuuute.
"Aaaaah! Mom! Dark! Mom! Dark!" Bwahaha, for some reason, picturing this taking place is hilarious.
"'Moooooooom!' he ran, thumping wildly down the stairs and bursting into the kitchen." Seriously, SO AMUSING.
I am going to pick on you now for sentences that are too dense in a bad way. "An old man set his tea mug back on the table with a heavy thud... His wizened face scrunched up into a careful, studied look of the younger redhead." Too many adjectives, yo. Cut them out and use stronger verbs, i.e. "An old man thunked his tea mug back on the table," or something. I dunno. Adjectives and adverbs are great when used wisely and occasionally, but pepper too many in there and it weakens your sentences and makes it feel like you have to positively plod through them to get to the action of what's being done/said.
"'Ugh, Grandpa! You don't get it at all!' the youth retorted, his frustration evident." You don't have to tell us his frustration is evident. It's redundant; his dialogue ("ugh") already does enough to show us that.
"[T]he empty visage that faced him seemed so clear in its meaning. It had been welling up in him for days, weeks, months. This feeling of worthlessness and unimportance. And now, even the bit of Dark that was left inside him showed the blankness of his life now." GRAH, THAT SECTION. BEAUTIFULLY TRAGIC.
Ah, I'm getting the whole history of Daisuke's life again. This is good, as I barely remember DNAngel.
"Even his own damn bathroom mirror wouldn't do what he wanted!" I know it's not supposed to be funny, but I LOL'd.
Wow, I know it's been a while since I've seen the series, but I always figured Daisuke to be the happy-go-lucky, naive, dorky type. He must be WICKED PISSED to get violent at the bathroom fixings.
SPIDERWEB ON FAST-FORWARD? *splutter* THAT ONE'S A FLIPPING WIN.
KYAAAAH! HE WOKE DARK! DAAAARK!
Oh. My. God. This Wulf part is going to blow me away, I can already tell. I am so glad you're such a geek. I am going to LOVE reading this.
I love the word "abysmal" so much.
LOL AT THE BEOWULF ALLUSION.
YES. GOOD OLD BATTLE GORE. DUDE, THIS IS FUCKING AWESOME. YOU HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA.
"The sun threw fell below the cloud line?" Just catching a typo for you.
Uggh, I LOVE the way you choose to translate the Old English! You don't do it right away, and somehow it works.
B...But the valkyrie told him it was dark and secret! If he sings it to everyone, isn't that... bad? *confused*
Did they have tar back then?
Ah, in your note at the end: No, the Old English translations are not distracting at ALL in the way you've chosen to include them.
SEAMUS HEANEY IS GOD. And that's all I have to say about that. But actually, I don't prefer his version of Beowulf. *cringe*
GRAH, I will have to check out that Deor poem, because I know nothing about it. I'm surprised.
Dude, I am excited for this story. Wicked excited. I think it's brilliant, I obviously LOVE the historical fiction aspects of it, and the geekiness all around, and YOUR WRITING. GRAH.
Nicely freakin' done.