|Reviews for Not Saying Goodbye|
| Demaar chapter 1 . 1/25
Much better than the actual ending.
It really pissed me of that the game didn't give us the choice to stay.
| Emphase chapter 1 . 7/31/2014
It felt a bit forceful and somewhat cheesy (though that's kinda to be expected from this franchise). In all honesty it also is too short to be a proper ending if you want to write it like that. That sudden personality change for Adelle was something out of a bad romance novel. "I hate him..I love him". It would've been better if it was a steadier build-up like at the end of the game. Hell, even when Luso said that he'll wait for her to return from that other 'Gifted' it was noticeable that they're starting to share a little more than just friendship, but it didn't feel out of place. With all due respect, your idea of the perfect ending for the game is intriguing and actually something I would've loved to see, the way you wrote just doesn't seem to fit. Also it felt a little bit too mature for the characters. Do take in mind that they are ultimately still just kids. The personality change also applies to Luso.
But with all that said, it's still a pretty good concept for an alternate ending for it. I say concept because to me it didn't feel like you managed to tell it to the best. I'd love to 'help' you with writing a "better" ending, but I don't really have a very creative mind, so that wouldn't really work. But, like I said, it's a good concept and you should work on that. Hell, take the whole story, take out the pieces from where they first meet and up until the end, put it together, expand it and make it into a badass story. I reckon a light novel format would do well for that. Add your ending, make sure to change names around as to avoid copyrights, maybe pitch it to some bigger publisher, maybe even Japanese one and you might one day get yourself an anime series (yes, I'm a big fan of anime).
If you need material for more parts, take the first games story and transform it (though Marche and Ritz didn't really become more than just friends at any point, so keep that part 'subtle'). As for sequel, I have an idea that I wouldn't mind if Squeenix made a sequel out of - old gang and the new gang together on adventures in Ivalice.
Anyhow, keep up the good work. You have potential (and I don't even like reading).
| Mister Quintessential chapter 1 . 4/5/2011
Haha! That was a great one! It's not too horribly OOC, FYI. :) And here I thought they were zooming in for a kiss, but that's just me. 3!
| Mike AZ 2 chapter 1 . 11/8/2010
Great story there.
I have to say that it would've been a good alternate ending to Grimoire of the Rift.
On the other hand, what about Luso's aunt? Family's important too. Also, I don't know what would've happened if her newphew never came home.
I apologize if this review turned out to be terrible, I just thought I'd state my observations. But all in all, it was a good one-shot.
| RRG chapter 1 . 10/9/2010
All I can say is... Awesome. I think you should make another, maybe the adventures of Luso's and Adelle's kids. That would be interesting. ME thinks...A Gria tressure or something. heh.
| Awesomequake chapter 1 . 10/3/2010
This was great! This is what I call: "How FFTA2 SHOULD have ended." It probably would have ended this way if Adelle actually said what she obviously wanted to say to him. I mean, the game is great, but I'm not feeling the ending. Just one thing though, I always thought the words to end Luso's story would be a simple "The End," rather than a "Happily Ever After." After all, both him, Adelle, and the rest of the clan are sad when he leaves, and the first thing that happens when he gets home is he gets chewed out by his aunt and sulks in his room. That wouldn't seem very happy to me! The actual ending of FFTA2 seems (at least to me) to be one full of regret. Both for Luso at deciding to go home, and Adelle for not asking him to. But this ending is the good stuff! Happily Ever After FTW! LusoxAdelle FTW! Tacos FTW!
| NickNasby chapter 1 . 9/27/2010
I like the lusoxadelle and this is the best one shot so far. I had many ideas for acouple two shots but cant them written down.
| cuttingmoon57 chapter 1 . 9/27/2010
Hey Cuttingmoon57 here.
First let me say that I'm glad you took the time to write this, as I'm always estatic to see others submit things to this category. I agree, when I first published my story here, I was surprised by how few there were, despite all the room the game left for interpretation and what not.
Anywho, onto the story.
This was quite nice I must say. Your writing style has a refined simplicity to it, which I did enjoy. OOCness was not glaring at all. Really the only part that could be would be the actual confession, but it was handled well in a way that I could see it happening.
Regardless, great job. If you decide to submit anything else to the section, know that I will be eager to read it.