|Reviews for The Messed Up Mission|
| Theralion chapter 13 . 2/20/2014
This fic may be discontinued, and I may not be all that familiar with Negima, but I've noticed some issues that I should point out, and you should think about when writing fanfics in the future.
I'm not fond of the fanon theory that there's a powerful "Council" in Konoha conspiring to make Naruto's life more difficult. This fic seems to take it one step further- in the wrong direction, at that- by suggesting that the Third Hokage was in on it, despite the fact that he canonically cares about Naruto. It's more believable and natural that some people in Konoha are uneasy about a boy with the nine-tailed fox sealed inside of him- paranoia and hatred of those who are different are parts of human nature. You should be careful when applying fanon theories to your stories, since while some are fairly reasonable (granted, I have my own theories and interpretations that could be considered "fanon"), others, like this idea of a "Council" in Konoha, are harder to reconcile with canon.
As such, if no one has taken up this challenge yet, I'd recommend removing items #2 and #7 from the list of criteria for the story challenge on your profile. On a lesser scale, #8 seems somewhat arbitrary, even if most of my multi-chapter stories average well over that number of words per chapter.
The fic has too many spelling, grammar, and punctuation errors to list all the specific cases, but here are some pointers.
-Quite a few of the words are misspelled, from longer words("psycopathic"), to shorter ones ("thurst", "desided"). You should get a word processor with a spell-checker or get someone to beta read it.
-You should be careful about which punctuation marks are used to end a sentence, such as not forgetting the periods. Does this include putting question marks on rhetorical questions and the like? Yes.
-Be careful of "Rouge Angles of Satin"- that is, a word that is spelled correctly, but is the wrong word for the context (the term is a play on "Rogue Angels of Satan").
-Commas are missing at quite a few points, such as when you put dialogue before "(Character) said". Said dialogue should end with a comma if it's a statement, such as:
"Chachamaru," Eva whispered, and the green-haired (this should be hyphenated) robo-girl appeared silently from wherever, to stand next to her master.
-There are some cases in which something is two words when it should be one ("down stairs" "where ever"), or visa versa
-Word agreement. For example, you should make sure that a verb appropriately matches the tense of the context. If the action being described is in the past, it should be in the past tense.
-It's sometimes inconsistent as to how you should spell certain Japanese terms, such as Jyuuken (although you could call it "Gentle Fist", as it's called in English versions of Naruto), but you should choose one spelling and try to get as close to it as possible.
On a minor note, you should use the "Insert Horizontal Line" instead of putting "BREAK" for scene transitions; "BREAK" works better as a placeholder if you're using a word processor that doesn't preserve formatting, rather than the actual divider between scenes.
What is this "FFN purge" that you're referring to?
As for my stories, I tend to start by writing the entire thing in advance of publishing the first installment, or at the very least, outlining the entire story, so I know where I'm going next and won't get to a point where I don't know where I want to go with the story. I'm going to be trying something slightly different with my next project, but still got into it knowing where I would want the story to go and how it would get there.
I hope this doesn't come off as too harsh and you take some of this advice into account.
| OBSERVER01 chapter 15 . 8/24/2013
UNHOLY HELL! TAKE UP ARMS!AND FIGHT!
| Dontforgettologout.lessontime chapter 1 . 4/13/2013
Why K.I.A (Killed In Action), why not M.I.A. (Missing In Action)!
| Toby860 chapter 12 . 1/27/2013
i like this story. mabye somday you can reeturn and finish it.
| demonianism chapter 14 . 6/13/2012
I rather wish I could say I'm deeply upset with. The problem is, it's not you I'm so angry at, but rather FFN. So, I'm deeply upset at FFN but understanding to you. Bah.
| HaseoUzumakiNamikaze chapter 14 . 6/12/2012
Hold up and hold on. I have the answer that will put those worries to rest. Before you delete this, at least consider what I have to tell you. I've found this story to be a good one and I'd hate for it to go down in flames. What I suggest is you joining a website I've found out from a friend. Already a few good authors have jumped to the other site. The site is .com, this website has absolutely no restrictions. I'm sure you can find that site to become the home to your fics. I'm sure you'd consider it. No charges of any kind or restrictions. At least consider this before you delete this masterpiece.
| ogihcI ikasoruK chapter 14 . 6/12/2012
i'm sorry to see that this story is going down, i would have liked to have read more, but oh well, that's how it is apparently.
ja, and thanks for putting it up in the first place.
| stc-dragon chapter 14 . 6/12/2012
go to you don't need to worry about the purging from there
| Soulbow109 chapter 14 . 6/12/2012
Dude Seriously that sucks I really loved this fic.
| Pathagen chapter 13 . 6/5/2012
Add my name to the list!
tho to be honest i have no idea why there doing this as all it will do is encourage authors to use a different site
| Urlaonar Auvryndar chapter 12 . 1/19/2012
love the story!
| The Arsenal 3.0 chapter 12 . 1/9/2012
Awesome story, looking forward to next chap!
Also, ignore the naysayers. It's not like you're going to give away the entire plot for us at once. It's your story and that's all that matters.
| Ember Quill chapter 12 . 1/1/2012
I'm really not sure what to think about this story, especially the last few chapters. The beginning was interesting, and despite a few small issues it was still fairly well-written and stayed true to the characters, convincing me to keep reading to see what would happen next. However, that kind of devolved during the Kyoto trip. You instantly and easily resolved situations that would have resulted in much needed character development for several main Negima characters, turned Naruto into an infallible being who can do no wrong, and basically made most of the characters act in ways that make no sense at all.
| jessy chapter 12 . 12/27/2011
awesome story ! plz, update soon !
| daniel 29 chapter 5 . 12/26/2011
Who engaged naruto to fuka,fumika and anya and what chapter number will the revelation of their engagement take place?