|Reviews for Vulnerable|
| Funy879 chapter 2 . 5/5/2011
Wrong Plot. No good chice for a format. You don't understand how much I want to burn this story or at least report it but I don't have an account. Sorry, but its the truth
| immortalheart17 chapter 2 . 4/15/2011
| The Dark Knight's Revenge chapter 2 . 4/2/2011
This is in the wrong category, you should change it to High School Musical. Also, you should try writing sentences and paragraphs instead of script writing.
Best to you!
| CombustibleLemons14 chapter 1 . 3/14/2011
Okay, bookcritic345, its AGAINST RULES 2 post in script format. So, you can just shut up and read the guidelines before you critize ppl wen they r critizing 4 a LEGITIMATE REASON.
| justplainoldme24 chapter 2 . 2/20/2011
What is wrong with you people (i'm not talking to you iheartnessa, just the reviews), she may have make a mistake, and there are many people who writes story that deserves that kind of review but this one, no. This is a really good story and i love it. As a critic, it's amazing. IheartNessa, you got a good talent don't let three people get you down, they didn't even think they just judged you, not in the good way. That's way i became a critic, because i made one mistake on my first story and even it was great, one person critically judged without mentioning the good parts, just a sad review. But this isn't. You're going to shine. I know it.
| DaniPeace chapter 2 . 11/24/2010
Why did you put a HSM story under 16 Wishes? That's just stupid. Come on. Why didn't you just put it under HSM? Seriously. And your summary sucks. Yeah we know the story's name is Vulnerable, can't you tell us a little bit more about it? Totally janked.
| Anabelle chapter 2 . 10/21/2010
It's against guidelines to write stories in script format. You should rewrite both chapters of this story before someone reports you and has your account suspended.
Gabriella: *sits by the pool*
Troy: *jumps in the pool* hey I'm so sorry I'm late.
This should be written properly, and with far more description, something like this:
Gabriella sat by the pool, danging her feet down over the edge and kicking gently. Suddenly, a dark shadow crept over the pavement beside her. Rolling her eyes, she watched it grow larger until she heard the footsteps against the cement and felt Troy rushing past her, pushing off the ground and launching himself into the pool with a yell. He surfaced with a shake of his head, smiling at her, and she averted her gaze.
"Hey," he said, swimming back towards her. "I'm sorry I'm late."
If your characters are mature enough to be having sex, they're mature enough to use the word sex. They don't need to dancing around it by saying one of their friends had "it" with a girl.
And I have no idea how the newspaper would know that Gabriella was missing and nobody else was. Would her mom not have called them all asking where she was when she didn't come home? Would she not have notified everyone when she couldn't find her daughter for a whole day? Wouldn't all of her friends know she was missing before it was reported to the police? And Troy's father isn't completely heartless-if his son's (ex-)girlfriend had gone missing, I'm pretty sure he would have had more of a reaction than "Oh, yeah, sorry about this."
I would recommend rewriting your story in the proper format, trying to add more dimension to the characters, and getting yourself a beta reader for when you have difficulty. There are many excellent, experienced writers on this site who I am sure would be willing to help you.
| powerpros24 chapter 1 . 10/8/2010