|Reviews for Nevermore|
| supersexyghotmew95 chapter 12 . 10/3/2012
is sapphire related to rubin or as i call him prissy boy 2
| supersexyghotmew95 chapter 11 . 10/3/2012
i like it so far i LOVE YELLOW TO
| AliceTheBloodyRabbit chapter 8 . 10/3/2012
Your story is interesting (and pretty funny, especially Raiden's foul mouth and Diamonda's snottiness) but, in terms of spelling, grammar, and such, it's not so great.
| Guest chapter 19 . 7/31/2012
I got it!
| Raichu chapter 29 . 7/4/2012
ooh... Saph and Rubin are twins like I guessed.
Grey/Chase ... you never showed us his body, did you, so we could not be sure whether he's alive or not. Either the Masked Man is pretending he's alive to lure Topaz back, or Grey is alive but has switched allegiance.
I have to say you spin a compelling plot, but with so many characters it does get a tad confusing...
| Raichu chapter 19 . 7/3/2012
oooh the plot thickens and it's getting too much for my puny brain...
one more question you didn't mention... what happened to gold jr? it's unclear but it seems that he was taken by celebi too.
| Raichu chapter 5 . 7/3/2012
pardon me for asking but does Raiden come from 雷電?
| Raichu chapter 4 . 7/3/2012
I like how the plot is thickening
ha ha, and I like the last line
| Raichu chapter 3 . 7/2/2012
Nice development. My first thought was that a trainer had sent the Pikachu to attack the Gyarados, but then trainers are extremely rare, right?
Pikachu are yellow, BTW.
"this all happened in a few seconds" doesn't sound right to me. nothing much happened yet at all.
"dust and water went everywhere" I can see why water got splashed, but where did the dust come from? either there is no dust, or you haven't described the environment. I've had a look at a map of Lake Verity and I can't see any area where there would be fine enough dry dirt to cause a cloud of dust, and that's assuming that the Gyarados fell partly on land.
"Criminal" is a strong word. If it's not illegal, then she's not a criminal, but she might feel like one and be scared she'll be treated like one, so you should describe it like that.
Ah, so Chase is a trainer? Interesting. One of the few, presumably. What would motivate Pine to give him a Pokemon? It would be nice if you explained why.
The flashback does not need to be in italics and probably shouldn't be. Your transitions in and out of the flashback "I couldn't help but remember the day Chase got his partner" and "When I snapped back to the present" are nicely done and they are enough to distinguish the past from the present.
Anyway, I like how the plot is developing.
| Raichu chapter 2 . 7/2/2012
I don't understand how they got off the train and into their new car. How can they buy one instantly like that?
You're trying to make the Gyarados sound scary. You're using many good words, but you need to use them better. Try using more verbs to tell the action. "It *was* mainly blue... it's mouth *had* fangs..." don't suggest action or danger.
How about something like it's huge blue body *coiled* in and out of the water. sea water *dripped* out of its gaping mouth between canine fangs.
Also you need to make it more menacing. It's good that your character could feel its anger, but what emotions does that evoke? Indignation, like how dare you threaten me? or fear, like huh-oh, what have I got myself into I'm only a kid and my life's about to end?
| Raichu chapter 1 . 7/2/2012
If Chase put a hat on her head, how can he then kiss the top of her hair?
As a prologue, the only thing that is enticing me to keep reading is that Pokemon training is out of fashion. Just two infatuated kids saying goodbye isn't enough for me. I think the emotional tension needs to be a bit stronger.
What is an OC form!
| Demonic Wolf Spirit chapter 29 . 7/31/2011
AWESOME! Now 4 pt. 2!
| M.J.P. Smith chapter 1 . 7/14/2011
Realized that I wasn't signed in on my review. Here I am.
| ZSEDC4 chapter 29 . 7/13/2011
I have to say, I really liked the story, the world in which it takes place and the raw, and yet refined, characterization done for each one you came up with. However, the actual writing style, syntax, and just plain spelling mistakes make me back off after only reading a chapter or two; when normally, I would read this in one sitting. To be totally honest, I want nothing more than to rewrite the entire thing using what's here as an outline.
But let me reiterate: the story is there. The writing is not.
| Shadow of Silver Wolf chapter 7 . 7/11/2011
Topaz: Red and Yellow
Chase: Black and White
Rubin: Ruby and Sapphire
Plato: Pearl and Platina
Jade: Green and Silver [or is it emerald?)
Diamonda: Pearl and Platina