|Reviews for Horrorscope|
| Farla chapter 2 . 10/31/2010
...god, people are dumb. Why don't they move, or catch more fire pokemon, or get together with the two people who do have fire types that can fight them off, or just get together in general to fight them, or try to hunt them at other parts of the year?
...and there are cave that are too small for the metagross to get into, and yet it never occurred to people to spend a few weeks there and avoid the end of autumn metagross?
And now the golem is killed because his trainer tried arguing with a large predator to leave him alone instead of, say, recalling him, or having the other pokemon attack to distract it. I don't feel sympathy when characters are so complicit in their own misfortunes.
And now random deus ex machina, the golem is possessing the other dead metagross and turning into a new pokemon because...uh...because. So they win? Yay?
Wait, why was a golem using fire punch instead of earthquake against a steel type anyway?
| Farla chapter 1 . 10/31/2010
Hm, I find the old trope of the abandoned house a bit unconvincing - someone has to own it or it should just get torn down, at least if it's in a settled neighborhood as seems to be implied by his neighbors hearing his death - but it's possible and it is a necessary setup.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
For dialogue, if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Also, if you mean "let us", it's "let's", the contraction.
Hm, you do pretty good with atmosphere, but it's not really much as horror, since the threat is quite understandable. There are ghost pokemon, the ghost pokemon happen to be powerful enough to win. It wouldn't really change anything if he went to sleep somewhere that happened to have a bunch of really powerful rattata or something.
Also, even with your attempted explanation for why they don't deal with it...I don't see why they don't deal with it. If one trainer lost, bring in more. If it's really unbeatable, put up a sign saying that there's a really strong pokemon that lives there, instead of saying nothing and being surprised when some kid wanders in because he thinks it's just supersition.
| Syzdoth chapter 3 . 10/19/2010
Okay I'm terrible at reviews so I apologies in advance. I'm terrible at picking out things done wrong and where you could improve and all the like. Can I just say this fic is brilliantly written and has an elegance about it? I know I should be able to say more but I am happy to have found it.
| Syzdoth chapter 1 . 10/19/2010
Agg, I accidentally closed this window and lost what I just typed up. It sounded so good the first time and now I can't remember how I worded it.
Anyways, I clicked on this fic just because the title intrigued me. i don't think I even read the summary. I have to say, you writing style is delightful in an eerie sort of way. Plus, the comic relief with the Grotle lecture was brilliantly executed. I don't want to say too much before I have teh chance to catch up on the rest, but I just wanted to share my appreciation.
| Myshu chapter 3 . 10/18/2010
Oh boy, great choice of pokes this time (without saying too much, that "rainmaker" always interested me. It's a type with a lot of haunted mystique about it.)
A theme here that I liked is how easily mankind can be overwhelmed by these powerful creatures. They're rather like old pagan deities, shaping the world at their whim and often completely heedless of the human beings scrambling like insects beneath them.
The battle was plenty creepy and intense with all that darkness and the schizo-laughing, and I liked how it ended, really dramatic. That poor brave kid.
And the convo at the end cracked me up a bit (somebody cast Rain Dance, STAT!) Sometimes it's the simplest solutions that elude you. XD
| Myshu chapter 2 . 10/11/2010
Whoa, I knew they were psychic, but when that Metagross started talking it flipped me out, heh. The dialogue certainly gives them a more sinister serial-killer demeanor, as opposed to the mindless terror of a bloodthirsty animal (and heh, I liked its rhetoric about people and cows.)
That ending really threw me for a twist, though; I thought they were goners for sure! Hmm, humanoid Bronzong? Weirdly enough I can see it. And hah, you managed to make a ghost story out of it after all. ;)
| Myshu chapter 1 . 10/7/2010
Ooh, ghost stories, at just the right time of year. XD
It's really interesting to imagine how ghost-types interact with the world in a society like this, and I like the thought that a disobedient pokemon can turn into more of a poltergeist. It's a simple, classic ghost story that you fit really well into this universe.
And once again, you use some neat language, "like any decent inferno would have done." I also liked the way the kid talked to his Grotle, the way people would to their pets. XD
(Man, I never got how BITE was a dark move. I mean, I'm sure the inside of that Feraligator's gullet is literally dark, but com'on pokemon, quit trying to stick odd attributes to normal moves because you couldn't think of one better.)