Reviews for Aisle Nine
4ofCups chapter 1 . 3/17/2019
How on earth did I miss this story when you first published it?! This was absolutely glorious. Jonathan Crane's neurotic behavior and hyper self-consciousness were wonderfully crafted. Throwing gardening gloves into the basket to fein a casual purchase of contraceptives was very funny, and something that I could completely see a nervous 15-year-old high school boy doing. I love your characterization of him, and how you are able to frame his psychological frailties in a way that is endearing. Nygma never even reaching the bedroom for the riddle dueling was spot on, and I really like how Ivy is the most thorough in her endeavor to cover the entire spectrum of protection options. Of course, the fear that everyone feels at the notion of unwittingly insulting the Joker with condom selections that could emasculate or disappoint him is comic fodder that could take up chapters just on its own. I loved the concern that Bruce felt in ensuring he made the best brand choice... and I had never thought about the irony of the Trojan name, until your Trojan War synopsis drew perfect parallels to the imagery of the consequences of a broken Trojan. Another brilliant creation!
Guest chapter 1 . 10/12/2015
*cackles*
Just-Me-and-My-Brain chapter 1 . 1/29/2014
XD I feel so bad for Crane! He had a panic attack and knocked himself out. Poor guy.
Lasgalendil chapter 1 . 9/21/2013
This. Is. The. Greatest.

One, because you've taken something that's very important public health-wise and made it approachable to the fanfic audience. Buying condoms or contraception now for us isn't shameful-it's hilarious! And secondly, secondly each little vignette tells us so much about these characters. The Riddler and Bruce's stuck out to me the most, with Alfred's fatherly note 'just ask me' being one of my favorites.
Guest chapter 1 . 7/5/2012
I laughed so hard at this! I love how the goons were freaking out about it and the Joker's like prefectly suae about it! The part where Jonathan passed out was hilarious! Where did you get the idea for something like this?...you don't have to answer that.
:)
-Zeny
x-Goody2Shoes-x chapter 1 . 1/1/2012
I think I love you.

No, really. Crane fainting in a supermarket, the Joker's lackeys arguing over the risk of death over not bringing back purple condoms, Ivy's pure irresistibilty leading to her owning pretty much every buyable contraceptive ever, and oh, Alfred! Is there ANYTHING he can't do for Bruce?

This was wonderfully written, comedic, but realistic. You combined the comics brilliantly - I LOVED the comic details about Harley, squee!

In short, it was fab fab fab and I will never be able to see a sign for aisle 9 without laughing again!
ghostboi chapter 1 . 3/31/2011
Haha this was awesome.
RedheadObsession chapter 1 . 2/6/2011
Hahahaha! That was hilarious!
Redcoast chapter 1 . 12/11/2010
"People are sexing, Alfred. What would you have me use?"

"Durex, Master Wayne."

(I hope you get that.)

The first time I read this story, I was laughing hysterically over Jonathan Crane fainting in the intimate products aisle. Now I just feel bad for him. I dunno.
Scram chapter 1 . 11/23/2010
Crane and the old lady... Jesus... that made me laugh for like 5 years... but Alfred... that was hilarious although i didn't really *want* to think about Alfred and condoms... XD this was hilarious!
Taluliaka chapter 1 . 11/18/2010
"Those say extra-sensitive. If you bring him something that says extra-sensitive, he's gonna blow your head off."

That was my favourite line :P

Henchmen buying the Joker condoms. Made my day.

And it made a weird kind of sense to me that they'd be purple. As I read it I was like well of course they'd be...wow. Apparently I know that already somehow.

:)

Awesome fic.

Love Taluliaka.
SensiblyScrewy chapter 1 . 11/2/2010
I effing love Alfred. Awesome story. Well done. ;)_
MK08 chapter 1 . 10/10/2010
This was freaking genius lol I loved it! Especially Jonny's scene (of course he'd be my favorite!). Awesome job, and happy 2-year writing anniversary! (Even though this is extremely late!)
Ichireiro chapter 1 . 10/8/2010
Remember in another review when I said Buffy was the only thing that could distract me completely? Well, I was wrong, which I actually realized later that night. The words "for the life of me" or something similar remind me of my favorite song, "The Freshman" by The Verve Pipe. Completely distracting.

Anyway. This chapter made me laugh so hard, my granny asked me if I was all right. She wasn't even in the same room as me. Hm. Oh well. I think this has become my favorite of your one shots, and the first two parts of it, along with the Joker sending his boys out, were my favorite parts.

And I was half way into this when I realized that now that I've read all that you've currently published, I have no idea what to do with myself.
Silverkittn1991 chapter 1 . 10/5/2010
Good god! I can't beleive how much of a kick I got out of this! Just what I needed after a stressful day of college and 4 month old neediness. Whew! This had me laughing SO hard. I'm so ashamed of myself, that I let school and children who live in my house but arent mine get in the way of enjoying your fics! Its been so long since I've been able to get on fanfiction...so sad! But I guess were all busy these days. Something about the content of this one shot was perfect enought to lift my weary mood. Probably the fact that Jonathan's reaction is quite similar to mine when I come across that section of any store. It screams taboo. I'm so glad that I'm not male lol, seriously, I bet they get old hags throwing them killing looks whenever they stray to that forbidden place. As for Harley and the Joker, well, the fun never ends with those two does it? I love that you respect her character, most people are very unforgiving of her...she's quite central to the Joker's character. Nygma, I love him, always with those riddles. haha, I like the look that you give us into the live's of the Jokers henchmen, all thier frustration at the joker's unpredictability. Its a nice touch. All in all, this is a great one shot and it seriosuly made my day so much better, I was constantly on the verge of laughter all day and I couldnt stop thinking of the obsurdities that buying condoms carries along with it. Since I've been so long from my reading, I've decided to try find the time to reread your fictions :] hopefully it works out! Your stories are my absolute favorites!
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